Financial concerns of starting a family

[disneysteve]

Finally, ignore the "average cost" stuff from the internet. Go window shopping and make a baby budget of your own.

This is so important to emphasize. Here's an example. I just looked up strollers on Amazon. The prices range from under $20 to over $1,000. Need a high chair? Those range from $35 to $500.

And, as I mentioned, there are always used options to consider and family hand-me-downs.

I think you have to be a special kind of stupid to spend $500 for a chair that your baby will only fit in for a year maybe and will spill food, juice, milk and bodily fluids on.

[ktacserv]

I laugh at myself replying to this post because I am in no way in good financial shape right now, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

I am part of a family of four. Husband and I, two children: ages 11 months and 22 months.

My husband and I do not make good money, we rent an apartment that is way too small for our family (all four of us sleep in one bedroom, if that gives you perspective). We don't have all of the things I thought we'd have when we had children - we don't have a home, we don't have "family vehicles"...heck, we feel we've hit the lottery each morning when our cars actually start. We did not plan to be in this situation. Both of our children were surprises. I thought we'd wait and have kids when we were older and more financially settled, when we were READY. We don't have emergency savings, we don't have college savings for our children.

I lost my job a year ago and was without work for a year. Just when we thought it could not get any worse, my daughter was diagnosed with a very rare disease which we are in treatment for, but the medical bills are outrageous - more than I could have ever imagined. We are on a sinking ship, basically, financially - and we have two children in tow as it goes down.

This is quite possibly the worst situation to have children in. The only thing I could imagine that would be worse is we got evicted and we were homeless. Luckily I do not think that will happen.

My husband and I do not regret having our children for one moment. We are scared, we are always scared and stressed out over money. It is slowly getting better, day by day. But one thing that our situation has taught us, is PERSPECTIVE. Sometimes that makes all of the difference.

Despite the hardships. Despite the fact that we cannot provide all of the things we imagined we'd be able to give our children, we do not have the home we thought we would have, we are able to put a roof over their head. We are able to put food on the table at night. We are getting my daughter the medical treatment she needs even though it means we will likely be in debt the rest of our lives. Our kids are happy. They have simple lives - clothes come from hand-me-downs or consignment, toys are often presents from other people or from the dollar store, we dont go on fancy vacations and we don't drive fancy cars. All of the baby stuff and necessities that we needed came from baby showers and yard sales and consignment stores. (No $300 high chairs here.) But my kids are happy. I am happy to be with them, even in the conditions that we live in.

Sometimes I am thankful that our children were unplanned. I imagine I'd be in a very similar situation to you if they were not - it would never be the "right" time, I'd always feel we weren't well off enough or didn't have the right things in place to have a baby. I am a planner by nature and everything about my life in the last five years has taken me way outside of my comfort zone - heck, it has almost mentally broken me. But here I am, with perspective to show for it. It could always be worse - that is our motto.

I am sorry for rambling on but I guess what I am trying to say is - there will not ever be an ideal time. It is a hugely scary decision to have a child, and one that I do not think you can ever ENTIRELY plan for. We certainly did not plan for our children to show up when they did, or for me to lose my job, or for our daughter to have a rare disease that would cost us a fortune to treat.

If you and your husband are on the same page with wanting children and putting their needs above your own (financially), no matter what happens - you will be fine. You will learn to deal with whatever else comes your way, because you cannot predict the future. A lot of the expense of children is up to you - it depends on what kind of lifestyle you feel you NEED to live and what luxuries you feel you NEED to give them. If you can live without frills, you can do it for next to nothing. But if you need the $300 high chair to be happy, you may be in trouble.

[wincrasher]

Yep, millions of people do it whether they are fit emotionally or financially or not? They don't mind knowing they can't provide proper health care, clothing, food, housing or later a college education. They don't mind locking in a life of poverty and limited choice and do it anyways.

If you wait to be "ready", then that day will probably never come. I strongly urge you to focus on the emotionally ready aspect of taking this on.

Just lay out your reasonable expectations and decide what you can live with. Pre-natal, diapers, day care - it all adds up. There are lots of sources of info out there to cut the costs.

Good Luck in what you decide!

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Never financially ready. You will always want more money, more security. Trust me I live where I talk to other moms constantly who harp about "needing" to work and have more money to survive. My DH and I were broke grad students together and we knew couples having 3 kids on $27k/year in southern california. Like the guy told my DH "the kids eat first, then we'll get by." They survived and their kids seems HAPPY.

So my perspective after he said that, have kids when you are ready emotionally to commit to your partner and a kid. Be ready for other sacrifices, have a stable relationship because raising kids is a lot pressure.

Finances always seem to work out. Babies and kids need very little to keep them happy. I stockpiled diapers about 1 year before we had our baby (she's 1!!!!) so i think I paid something like $100 for diapers for 2 years worth. I breastfeed and got a couple of bottles, my biggest expenses was a $300 breast pump that I used a little.

Clothes were all gifts and hand me downs. Even our infant bucket was a borrowed gift, because she came early so our friends lent it to us. That and a stroller. Go figure.

Honestly the biggest cost has been not working. But even at that I can honestly say I wouldn't be bringing home that much after daycare and taxes.

[cicy33]

I was also going to say the old saying, if you wait until you can afford a baby you never will. That is so true. Babies are as expensive as you make them. Formula while pricey can be got lower. For example, my dtr was paying for similac I believe and then realized one day that Parents choice was about 1/2 the cost. She did double check with her pediatrician first and then switched the baby. he has been just as happy. keep in mind that will not fly for every child. but in this case instead of 50 or more per month in formula she is down to 25. and now that he eats it gets cheaper. Sadly, he hates real milk. has totally refused it and is just about a year old. His older sister loved it. oh well.

Baby showers are very helpful at getting started. Feeding: I sit my granddaughter at the coffee table to eat with her little pink tykes chair I got at a yard sale for $1 and put a placemat down (walmart $2.00). when she couldn't sit up well I used a walker and before that her bouncy seat. never did have a highchair. The baby sits in a child seat for the table I also got a yard sale for about a $1. there are ways to save everywhere!

now to the other side that people worry about. College. Hey, who said you have to pay? there are grants, scholarships, kids can work. even student loans if it comes down to it. I paid for mine, my daughter is paying for hers and yep, she doesn't hate me. she doesn't feel entitled that mom should pay automatically. First car. My dtr's first car cost me $500. Beat up dodge daytona. Mostly because I figured she would wreck it. she didn't! I don't feel one should spend a lot on a child's first car. True I was poor but I got a good car at a good price.

There is only one reason to have a child in my opinion. LOVE. Because you want to create and love a beautiful creature.