Taking Christmas gifts back

**scfr** · 12-25-2010, 07:31 PM

That's a tough one, especially since you live with your parents. Could you set the frame up in a public part of the house where your parents could enjoy it, and load pictures of relatives that don't live with you (such as their grandchildren)? While that wouldn't necessarily be for your own personal enjoyment, at least it would be put to use and your dad's feelings wouldn't be hurt.

If it seems like you have been getting gifts that aren't of much use to you lately, you might want to bring up the possibility of no longer exchanging gifts with your parents & siblings. (Wait until a month or two after Christmas.) Instead of buying gifts, you could all choose an outing to go on together with the money you save.

**kork13** · 12-25-2010, 07:46 PM

Originally posted by scfr View Post

Could you set the frame up in a public part of the house where your parents could enjoy it, and load pictures of relatives that don't live with you (such as their grandchildren)? While that wouldn't necessarily be for your own personal enjoyment, at least it would be put to use and your dad's feelings wouldn't be hurt.

That's about what I immediately thought as well... Load it up with pictures that everyone will appreciate, and set it up somewhere in public view. Your father surely meant well (in spite of missing the mark on something you would use/enjoy), and seeing it in any sort of use would be gratifying for him. He clearly felt it was a meaningful gift, so give it some meaning--even if that meaning isn't for yourself.

**disneysteve** · 12-26-2010, 06:36 AM

This is always a troubling issue - being forced to keep and use a gift that you don't want or need in order to please the person who gave it to you. There is no great answer but I wish all gift givers would adopt the attitude that once the gift is given, it is up to the recipient what to do with it - use it, return it, sell it, trash it, whatever. I also wish gift givers would give with the thought that they want the giver to be pleased. If that means having the gift returned or exchanged to get something else, so be it. That is why many stores now issue gift receipts that can be used to return the item but don't contain the actual sales data.

While the suggestion to set up the frame for others to view sounds good, it essentially leaves the OP with no holiday gift from her parents. That isn't right. OP, what you told your parents and siblings is exactly right. Don't worry about your feelings if they need to return something. I think you should do the same with your parents. Let them know how much you appreciate their thoughtfulness but that you really have no need for this frame and hate to see it go to waste. Ask where they got it so that you an return it for something else.

In the future, to avoid this issue, have everybody make a list of a few items that they would like as gifts. That way there won't be unwanted surprises.

**Redraidernurse** · 12-27-2010, 06:13 AM

I had the same problem....my father gave me a Phillips Digital Photo Frame that I had no use for. He doesn't live close and may come to our house once a year so we gifted it to someone else. But if he lived closer I would have kept it and put it up so he could feel like we got use out of it.

**asmom** · 12-27-2010, 07:45 AM

Since your dad is sensitive about it and you don't want to hurt his feelings, then suck it up and enjoy it. Don't worry about it being a complete waste of money as it didn't cost you anything and look at it as what it is....an expression of love from somebody you care about.

Also, I agree with Steve about the Christmas wish list. That's what we do in our family, it saves everyone time and no one is unhappy.

**cypher1** · 12-27-2010, 08:03 AM

Originally posted by asmom View Post

Since your dad is sensitive about it and you don't want to hurt his feelings, then suck it up and enjoy it. Don't worry about it being a complete waste of money as it didn't cost you anything and look at it as what it is....an expression of love from somebody you care about.

LOL I like that answer, and would do that if they made a gift with their own hands. My answer would be to just be honest him or them if they just bought something. I don't expect my family members to be as insensitive as I am, but always I tell them to not be ashamed to return or exchange my gifts for something else. Then again, I hate shopping and give all my nieces and nephews cash, while most family gets gift cards

**bjl584** · 12-27-2010, 09:10 AM

Ask for money from now on.

**disneysteve** · 12-27-2010, 09:32 AM

Originally posted by bjl584 View Post

Ask for money from now on.

Yes, the universally accepted gift. It lacks something in personality but it is always the right color.

**snafu** · 12-27-2010, 10:49 AM

Ask your dad if he has photos he would like to include in the digital album and then discuss where it should be located/displayed. You can judge by dad's responses whether he feels it's important or whether it would be ok to exchange the gift for something you'd genuinely like.

Since this is the second year for a costly gift that missed your needs/wants radar, I suggest that next year you clearly offer dad a choice of three gifts you would enjoy. If you prefer money, perhaps a CD rather than cash.

**disneysteve** · 12-27-2010, 11:57 AM

Originally posted by snafu View Post

this is the second year for a costly gift that missed your needs/wants radar

Good point, and what I suggested earlier about a list definitely applies. I wonder why anyone would give a somewhat costly gift with no idea of whether or not the person is interested in the item. A portable DVD player is kind of a niche item. I'd have absolutely no use for one, personally. If I got one, it would go right back to the store.

That said, I actually have a digital picture frame that my mom gave me a year or two ago that I never got around to returning. It is still sitting in the closet unopened.

I really should get it out and load some photos onto it. It would look nice hanging in our sitting room where we have a bunch of framed family photos hung.

**snafu** · 12-27-2010, 04:24 PM

How do you choose gifts for people you care about? As the recipient of gifts that missed by a mile...I guessed it was something the giver would have liked to receive. I'm getting wiser now and suggesting gifts that we can enjoy together like a bottle of wine, dinner out, subscription to Netflix, flowers, or gift card at the nursery to let my imagination overtake good sense when I fill patio planters.

**cjscully** · 12-28-2010, 12:47 PM

This is definitely a sticky situation for the OP and givers/receivers of gifts in general.

As to the OP, my suggestion is to do the unthinkable and actually talk to your parents about the gift openly and honestly. There are two reasons for doing this. First, there's the distinct possibility that your parents will understand and won't have any problem with you exchanging the gift for something you'll actually use. Second, even if your conversation doesn't exactly go smoothly you will make them aware of an issue you've apparently kept from them for a while.

Here's how we handle gift giving in my family. Everyone makes a wish list and we exchange them. We decided that this is a practical solution to this type of problem. The wish lists are usually long enough that there's still an element of surprise in terms of which item(s) you might be getting from your list. You also know that when you're buying someone something from their list it's something they actually want and will use.

**jpg7n16** · 12-28-2010, 01:53 PM

Originally posted by nmboone View Post

... No one is going to look at the pictures except for my family occasionally and they've already seen the same pictures. I live with my parents and they would most likely know something's up if I don't have it out. ...

However my dad can get sensitive about some things, and I don't want to hurt his feelings, because I'm sure he thought it would be a nice gift. But I just feel like it would be a complete waste of money if I just kept it and didn't care about it.

You should ask your dad/parents to get together with you and create a photo album for the frame. Make it a family time.

If you're lacking pictures, go do something fun together and take some photos to fill it. (or multiple things: bowling, mini golf, rodeo, carnival, baseball game, other sporting event, something else you love to do for fun) And if your family 'never does anything like that' then here's a great opportunity to go do it!

Then it's not just a photo frame, it's the frame your family made together. And put it up in the living room or something. Maybe after all that, you'll actually enjoy the photo frame. And if not, at least you'd enjoy the time spent with your family.

**disneysteve** · 12-28-2010, 02:22 PM

Originally posted by snafu View Post

How do you choose gifts for people you care about?

I ask the person, or someone close to the person like their spouse, what they want. I would never just randomly pick something in hopes that they will like it. I don't want to be the one who gave the gift that the recipient feels obligated to use/wear/display even though they really don't like it.

Taking Christmas gifts back