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    Boss is ALWAYS chewing people out instead of just asking for things to be done!

    My boss, middle aged woman, very powerful in her position chews you out instead of just asking to have something done. I'm new to this company and have been working since I was 16 years old, total years-almost 40 years. I take my jobs very seriously, do a very good job over and above what's expected, but this boss seems to treat many people like this and vents on 2 mostly that report directly to her (me and another woman). Others in the sales department report to another boss who she is over. So me and the other woman I work with report directly to this venting woman. Everytime she has raised her voice and chewed my butt out, I've showed her my efforts and what I've done to take care of things. She NEVER ask in advance, just starts carrying on. She usually calls me on my desk phone and vents. I have to hold the phone from my ear! When I show her I've thought of that already and what I've done to work towards getting things done, she still carries on.

    Any suggestions on how to approach her and tell her I'm fed up and that this is not necessary to talk to me this way to get things done (without jeopardizing my job?) I like the job, just don't like how she handles things

    #2
    What does the other lady do (your peer and co-worker), when this boss bullies her?

    The best way to "work with" bullies that are your direct report, is to just nod and listen; don't argue nor feed their rant. Say nothing.

    Since she treats others the same, it's not personal, it's just the way she is. Just continue to do the best you can.

    This site may help you to recognize and understand:

    Bully OnLine: Tim Field shares his unique insight into workplace bullying, a cause of stress and ill health and the basis of harassment, discrimination, prejudice, abuse and violence

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      #3
      She is basically venting her own frustrations of her job, life, etc at you in an indirect way by using work as cover. I think your best response is to just listen and nod sympathetically and try to "prove" what a great job you are doing, etc because in that moment of ranting, she really isn't going to hear a work you say.
      You and your other coworker could make an appt and go and talk to her privately when she has calmed down. KEEP THE CONVERSATION about what is BEST FOR WORK AND COMPANY and do not engage in any personal discussions, etc. In this manner, you could talk about how you wish to work more efficiently for her and how you could all communicate better. And, you could mention that there seems a lack of communication causing her to be stressed so what can the 2 of you do or all do together to help alleviate that. I WOULD NOT go in complaining about her style. HOwever, people are funny so you could go in with the best of intentions and it is possible she could still take it the wrong way and hold a grudge against you. So, this needs to be very well thought out and done in a nonconfrontational way.
      Or, you just realize, that is her "style". You just let her blow and basically tune it out. If she rants about something you have done, later, after a cooling off period simply go to office and show her your work.
      But, life is full of difficult and annoying people. And, sometimes they are your boss.

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        #4
        cschin hit it on the head... you need privately talk to her about your concerns. Do it calmly, respectfully, and without accusing her of anything (this will make someone defensive and close off to listening to you). You want to address the communication problems you're having -- she doesn't seem aware enough of what you're working on, so perhaps you could push her regular updates of what you're working on. I do think you should address her yelling at you both, just tread lightly. Rather than telling her you find it offensive, ask if there is anything about your performance that is causing problems. Assuming not, continue on to explain that when she calls up yelling and screaming, it's a confusing mixed message to be yelled at on the one hand while having the work finished/nearly finished and ready for submittal to her. As I mentioned before, I think offering to proactively submit the status of your projects (daily, weekly, whatever) would help the situation so that she doesn't have to worry about where you're at with them.

        Good luck, I know dealing with people like that can be messy, especially when they're your boss... Stand your ground, stick to facts (not accusations), and offer solutions. It'll work out for the better. ...And if all else fails, HR.
        "Praestantia per minutus" ... "Acta non verba"

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          #5
          Gayle, how stressful to work for a bully. I would be searching for another position as life is too short to work for someone who has been promoted beyond their ability and refuses to learn any management skills. If you can't leave, I would document her unacceptable behavior. She has a superordinate and when her performance appraisal comes up, you can be prepared with dates, issues and length of time wasted while she rants and raves.

          Bullies have no respect for submissive individuals. The current research suggests the only way to cope with a bully is to permit their vent until it becomes repetitious and then bully right back. This is not practical when the bully is your boss.

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            #6
            Thanks everyone

            Thanks everyone for such GREAT rsponses. I didn't think I'd get such good advise. I think I will print this out to keep handy when I feel my nerves are stressed to the max and I need to balance my thinking and not vent on her.

            Gayle

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              #7
              I couldn't handle working for someone like that. I would lose it and get fired.
              Brian

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                #8
                when you act like a doormat, don't be surprised if people wipe their feet on you.

                in this economy, we are all being forced to put up with more than we normally would. this won't last forever. eventually, you'll see articles in the paper lamenting that people are no longer loyal to their comapanies! how could this happen?

                so you can either set limits on what you'll put up with and suffer the consequences, if there are any. Or bide your time and look for opportunities.

                i'm a big believer in two things: 1.) you can't change people, no matter how hard you try. 2.) you can't escape kharma.

                good luck!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by wincrasher View Post
                  eventually, you'll see articles in the paper lamenting that people are no longer loyal to their comapanies! how could this happen?
                  "No longer loyal to their companies!" Most people have moved beyond this point long ago.

                  i'm a big believer in two things: 1.) you can't change people, no matter how hard you try. 2.) you can't escape kharma.
                  Agree with number 1 there... all you can change is yourself.

                  Not sure what number 2 means.

                  In reality, we each make choices every day of our lives. A choice to continue or not.

                  Frankly, whomever any one of us works for as far as a supervisor/boss/leader, we really don't work for that person. We work for ourself. Even when working as a team, with other people, we work for ourself and our goals.

                  Whether your boss is an angel or a bully, in the end it does not matter.

                  -In the end, a bully that fires the bullied, has lost a good employee.

                  -In the end, a supervisor over that bully, knows too that s/he manages a bully under them (they know by the turnover, and the possible complaints at the end).

                  -In the end, the company loses. Where the bully is allowed to continue to dominate his or her people, the department degrades over time. People will move on.

                  I know what Gayle is going through. I've been there and done that. I quit a job once to hear my bully boss say behind my back, "I need you." I said nothing. No reason to. She knew what she lost.

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                    #10
                    Maybe it would be better said "you reap what you sow"

                    If you live a life of being mean and unfair to people, that is what will eventually befall you.

                    Hopefully it works the same if you are kind and generous! I like to think so anyways.

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                      #11
                      Thanks for all of the great advise. It has truly helped me get a mental grip on it. It's awful going in and wondering...what kind of mood is she in.. Am I going to get my butt chewed out again today..It seems to be always on Fridays. Great way to start the weekend.

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                        #12
                        Man i seriously sympathize with you. Some of us get stuck with such terror bosses. Guess the best thing to do is what you are doing. Complaining is hard since she is a senior, she can use her influence to put in a bad name for you. So although i hate saying you should tolerate this but unless you are transferred to someone else that's probably the only thing you can do.

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                          #13
                          That reminds me when I used to work at my friends auto shop. His dad is the owner, yet son manages it and deals with all the flack from him and customers. Anyways the old man is more stubborn than a mule, perfect example of a micro manager always yelling and telling everyone they're doing something wrong, when he doesn't know what they're working on. Its even worse when he's yelling in broken english/mixed vietnamese. I learned quickly to just keep my mouth shut, not argue even if he's wrong, smile, and say "It won't happen again.".
                          As others listed great advice, let you're work speak for yourself, but keep in mind you won't be able to satisfy everyone no matter their management style. Hang in there till something better comes along.
                          "I'd buy that for a dollar!"

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                            #14
                            I'd approach her when she isn't angry and discuss about the way I am feeling when she is venting her anger. This might ease some of the pressure in the future. Doing nothing won't change too many things.

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                              #15
                              What's changed? Has this person always been your boss? If not I would consider quitting, or complaining to one step above them. There's a decent chance you could just speak to her (in a good mood) about the problem - I think you would gain respect. If they take it wrong, adjust, and start looking for another job - they can't fire you for something like that!

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