If you cancel?

[BlackDiamond]

If you cancel a wedding, and you are the only half of the couple who has put any monetary deposits down on holding locations etc. do you have any right to recover half of that money you have now lost from the other person?
Or are you just screwed because all the deposits were in your name?
Obviously, things like my dress I know were a complete waste of money. Hopefully can sell. Probably not though as I custom made it with a very unusal design that most people would not want. Maybe can sell it for material.
Would it be wrong to ask to keep the ring (worth about $300) to sell to recoup some of the deposits?

[creditcardfree]

If I remember right, you cancelled the wedding, so if the deposits were made by you, then the losses are all yours. You can't ask your former fiance for cash to cover the deposits you made. Now if he backed out, I'd answer differently.

The ring: I'd offer to give it back. Let him decide what to do with the ring he gave you.

[woodie96]

Based on the situation you descrived in an earlier thread I think it would probably benefit you to cut your losses and realize that unfortunately it will be you taking the brunt of the losses.
If he has money that he would like to contribute, that would be great, but I highly doubt it.
For the ring, same scenario, but for me I wouldn't want it back, I would let you do with it as you wish.

[BlackDiamond]

i guess it's better than being stuck paying his bills for the rest of my life.

[EEinNJ]

You'll be better off emotionally writing off the financial loss. Trying to recover money from someone you've decided not to marry is only going to cause you more pain, so let go of it. There's no amount of money he could give you, anyway, that could make things "right"

[BlackDiamond]

No. There isn't. But I'm annoyed because he and his incredibly bad financial decisions are the reason we had to cancel and I feel he at least owes me the ring so I can sell it and get some of my money back. Right now I'm not even that sad, I am angry. I should have known better though. I let my heart win for a while instead of my head. My heads been telling me all along that this is a recipe for financial disaster. I should have known better than to believe in him.

[disneysteve]

How exactly did he afford a ring? From your other posts, it sounds like he has no money.

[BlackDiamond]

How exactly did he afford a ring? From your other posts, it sounds like he has no money.

The ring is not a diamond (didn't want one, think they're a waste of money) and cost around $300. From what I am told, he sold a lot of his stuff, and scrimped and saved for almost 6 months to save that up. He paid cash cause he knew I'd be pissed if he charged. I know...

I'm not going to lie. It came down to a choice between the life I wanted and the person I wanted to spend that life with. A life with him would mean no financial freedom, ever. And losing everything I've worked hard for. I have worked my butt off for years to get out of debt, build savings, attain a good credit score etc.

I had almost $27K worth of debt. In less than 2 years I have cut it in half and saved up $6K in cash. To do this, I have sacrificed my social life, my physical appearence, my health to a point by not eating as good food as I could etc. I have sold beloved possesions that I did not want to part with.

After all this, I am not willing to give this progress up and take on $380K worth of someone else's debt. To have all my progress for myself undone. I am not willing to become legally tied to someone who is being sued. I am on a good track and no man, no matter how kind, is worth taking a step backwards. I want to travel, have a house, enjoy a nice life similiar to the one I had as a child of high income parents.

I will likely spend that life alone because there is no one else who I can imagine ever wanting to spend my nights with. I have never connected with anyone in an emotional way like him. He is an honest, good man with all the other weird, quirky qualities I want. But his past financial mistakes would haunt us for the rest of our days. We would live in squalor until we were 70. He doesn't make enough to pay off his debts and I don't make enough to support him while he tries, nor do I want to. He is a rare case where a person actually probably should seriously consider bankrupcy but he won't do it because it would hurt his siblings (coowners of the house).

I am not willing to sacrifice any more. I hope the best for him but I am also angry at the wasted years. Right now, quite frankly, I just want my deposits back and to sell the wretched dress and be done with it.

[disneysteve]

BD, having read your previous posts, I think you made a very wise decision. We all know that money problems are the number one things couples fight about and the leading cause of divorce. You saved yourself all of that heartache by getting out now.

"I will likely spend that life alone because there is no one else who I can imagine ever wanting to spend my nights with."

I know if may feel that way now, but don't give up hope. I know plenty of people who married late in life, either for the first time or the 2nd time after a young stupid marriage and divorce. Be yourself and live the life you want to live and you'll attract people who like who you are. Just don't ever change who you are in order to attract a mate.

[feh]

The ring: I'd offer to give it back. Let him decide what to do with the ring he gave you.

+1

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[BlackDiamond]

Thanks Steve & everyone.

[mortgage-wiz]

rough one...
Unless you were together for a few years, that way you may appeall to court saying you had a "common law marriage".

[cschin4]

Black - Sorry you are going through this. But, I think you are making some very good decisions. And, though you can't see it now, your whole life is ahead of you in ways you didn't dream about.

My advice, you can go ahead and ask him to contribute toward the loss of your deposits. He either will or won't. If he doesn't, just more confirmation of the kind of man he really is. As for the ring, I would just give it back. I wouldn't want it to either keep or sell. If it is over, let it truly be over. Hanging on to anything even if you intend to sell is only going to hurt YOU and your emotional recovery.
Right not, accept the losses, chalk it up to life's lessons and experiences. Cut ALL ties with this man and take some time for yourself and give yourself time to move on. You loved, you gave it your all, now don't look back with regret. You did all you could and more.

[cschin4]

As for the wedding dress, perhaps you could have it made into a beautiful evening dress or party dress and then go on a dinner cruise or something!

[PetMom]

Am so sorry you are going through this and had to make a decision that really was better for your well being and financial future.

And, last time I read about it - the engagement ring is the woman's to keep if the wedding is called off.

It was a gift.

It was either a law or some etiquette thing.

Is he asking for it with reason of needing it to pawn for financial hardship? If so, that is your call. But you put a lot of money, effort and emotional investment into this whole thing.
It took a lot of strength to make your decision and not have a life of financial stress and money fighting.