Wwyd?

[tripods68]

This a very difficult decision for you. Obviously you have thought this long and hard. Pure LOVE doesn't exist in real life. There are bills to pay; mortgage, jobs, unemployment, kids, in-laws to worry about, etc. So the better part of you say "he maybe the perfect man", but LOVE doesn't pay the bills.

But i think you have to make a decision whether or not you want to stay with him and help him through his financial dilemma. If not, it's better to move now and find someone compatible with your values.

[graceful]

I'm not in your shoes, so I can't make a decision. But I wish you the best of luck.

It seems that you have decided to break it off. If you do, I would suggest a clean and total break. If you decide to remain "friends," it's really just a continuation of the relationship with another name and you will have the same frustrations because you can't help but have feelings about what he is doing with his financial life.

Maybe tell him to give you a call in a few years if he gets his act together. Of course, you may not be emotionally available anymore but since you care about him, you will be happy to know that he is finally in a better place. Or maybe not since it almost implies that you will wait for him,. But then again, it may be a wake up call to really make a change rather than empty promises and may motivate him.

Sorry you have to go through this. But better NOW when you have choices of whether to get into his mess, then if this all happened after marriage and you are stuck regardless.

[whitestripe]

can i ask why getting married is so important to you?
you have already said you wouldn't mind not living together, so why is marriage SO important? i know plenty of couples who have been together for decades and not married. your situation is not typical, but you're not completely alone either. I just think that marriage is not as important as everyone makes it out to be, and you seem to be placing a lot on this one particular aspect.

[mdcrim]

I've been following this thread and I just wanted to say good luck. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you have given this guy plenty of opportunities to step up. It also sounds like you aren't really asking him for much (you are giving, both emotionally and financially, much more that he is). From my very limited perspective of your relationship, I think you are making the right decision. You aren't asking for too much when it comes to your wishes for the future. I'm sure you're going to find exactly what you're looking for, just not with this guy.

[woodie96]

With the financial issues he would bring to the table IF you guys got married, I would think that it would be a significant strain on the relationship.
Not only the financial side, but he already thinks that you aren't as important as his family.
I would have to take a real hard look at myself. If this guy was that great and loved you that much, he would find a way to make a place in his life for you.
It seems to me like this is mostly a one way street. You are doing all of the giving, and he is wanting to do all of the taking. BAD mix for a relationship. IMHO