In a tough spot ! Making $300K, gf has debt wants to marry !

[wincrasher]

It's not really that implausible. He doesn't say what kind of "engineering" they are doing.

I regularly pay out $100 to $125 per hour, plus expenses, for engineering services. So a firm of just 1 to 3 people could easily generate the kind of money he is talking about.

I suspect that it's really some kind of software engineeing firm. The economics of that are alittle different, but depending on the number of people, that income level is still not too difficult to reach if you are the owner.

[cypher1]

BS story or not, I have to admit this a very interesting predicament. Seems like the discussion as shifted from what should he do to what DOES he do. It sounds like this person is just protecting his investment/life's work, and still cares for his signnificant other. Who could blame him since he's already been divorced, and thats why we have prenup forms. If there is any hesitation in his relationship i say walk away or try the counseling first.

As others have said, he's not ready, and his G/F doesn't have the qualities he's looking for (THATS NORMAL), so why waste each others time. I may not be in this guys finacial situation, or at the level of success he has, but I know what I want and don't want in a g/f. I consider myself a hardworker, ambitious, confident, and would expect my significant other to have similiar traits. Thats all Secrectlyrich saying, he's not "demanding" she change, but hoping she's show similar qualities.

Its not so much a comparison of salaries being a factor, but the different directions they see life taking them down the road, debt or not. It sounds like this guy is thinking at least 5 steps ahead for the ramifications of his decisions, than just 1 like his girl is for marriage.

[PetMom]

skydivingchic: that is great you got a degree without incurring the leftover costs that are now becoming more standard. And this op may have obtained one when costs were not so high as they are now. Or perhaps had a full scholarship. It is to the point where some state college students have actively protested yet another rise in tuition costs. Adding on also room and board, well outfitted dorm room, computer, etc... and it can be expensive. This is for state - not a private college - that would be a feat to get out of there without a loan.

The usual way nowadays is living at home, two years at a what they used to refer to as a 'junior' college and going on to complete the degree. Have read horror stories where parents
take out an equity loan or cash in retirement savings to fund college for Junior.

I also got mine without any debt/loans or scholarships - but that was 14 years ago - am mainly referring to more recent costs.

Yes, some people get through it without hardly any costs, but lately if that is done - more power to anyone doing that.

Those that work full time and go full time to get their degree are very driven people and that could also be op's situation plus he has a thriving engineering business and little debt. One part of this equation of financial prosperity he has could certainly have an explanation but I was just chiming in with those who are wondering if all of it is adding up.

And this sort of shifted to what he Does do as he pointed out and someone else did that if only one is going to work hard, have self esteem and apply themselves they can make it - that is where it turned more towards where some of us started questioning that.

I enjoy a friendly debate but already this veered off where one new member, BlackDiamond, was told in effect she was never going to "make it" because she did not have self esteem and a bookstudy by another poster. And that she would have kept a man had she let him cheat on her.

The op story of success, the slick buzzwords used by seminar leaders just had me a little leery. But true could be a logical explanation for all. And should keep it civil as hopefully if they get that marriage counseling and get married - would love to have an invite.

[milkjugs]

I'm 29 (male), I live on the East Coast and own my own business. I have $230K in multiple High Yield MMAs and I my business brings in about $300K a year. I also have about $300K to $400K in equity in my house.

I'm in a technical field, so I read financial and investing books every so often.

So my question is, how would you all invest the $230K cash ?

I want at least 80% of the $230K to be in a low risk >5% return investment, but I'm not sure in todays markets, where to find such a thing to park my money. CDs and Bonds seem to have the same rates as high yield savings accounts with none of the benefits.

The other 20% could be in a high risk investment, but I'm unsure if I want to dabble in the stock market or mutual funds considering the volatility of it currently. Even my low risk mutual funds were battered last year, so I like the guarantee of a high yield savings account with zero risk. I know the stock market traditionally performs better than any other investment vehicle, but the time it takes to research and manage a portfolio is something I dont have right now. Similarly, handing my money over to a financial management company that leeches percentages of it for uncertain returns seems unsound.

I'm considering buying more real estate (to rent out houses, and etc), but that entails managing the property and etc , and I don't have lots of time.

Hopefully I haven't boxed myself into a corner as far as options, or maybe I'm just missing something.

Thoughts ?

Edit: The only debt I have is a $10K student loan and $30K for a car. I'm not really saving for retirement right now, as I dont want to rely on that when I get older. I expect that selling my business ideas will be more than enough to retire on when the time arrives, I hope ( but I still want a safety net of course).

This was posted in 2008. Wish I would have seen this post earlier. This guy now has $2000 more for a student loan and no equity in his house. Before, he had $10,000 in student loans and $400k in equity in his house. This guy is full of it.

[kenyantykoon]

if she cannot really have a money discussion with you in a mature way then i think you should start thinking whether or not you guys are suited for each other. Many marriages fail because of money issues and i am for the opinion that a couple that has the finances sorted out is at a better position than those still struggling with the money talk. If you cannot agree about financial goals now there is a very little possibility that you will in marriage

[cschin4]

Quote:
Originally Posted by secretlyrich
I've tried to teach her my profession (which only requires her to read and practice from a book), but she doesnt have the confidence in herself and doesnt work at it.

What do we all have to read and practice from a book to make your type of money?


Yeah, really. If she doesn't want to do it, teach us. Otherwise, I call bs on the whole story as well!

[cschin4]

Just because you make $300K and she makes $38K does not make you a better person. If you think that is the case, then you need to split up. There is nothing wrong with a 30 yr old women wanting to get married and have children. And, I would suspect in your situation, it would make much more sense to stay home and raise the kids since you are such a high wage earner. If this isn't the "kind of woman" you are looking for, then move on. It isn't fair to either. She doesn't need someone who doesn't fully love her and neither should you marry someone you aren't crazy about.

[BigTimeTrader]

Honestly, it seems like she is just happy living off of you. Despite the fact that she has had past problems, she isn't working to improve herself (from what you say). Even though it is tough to have those discussions, you really need to sit down and hash the whole thing out before you do anything rash (in either direction).

[mmgarren@yahoo.com]

Financially I think it would be a bad idea. I suggest you get a prenuptial agreement if you do get married to anyone.

[cschin4]

Honestly, it seems like she is just happy living off of you.

And, he seems happy living off her in other ways as well. Funny how it is assumed the higher wage earner is the one being taken advantage of . She apparently does work and has overcome a lot of negativity in her life. You can either look people as human beings and measure them by their quality as a humang being such as love, caring, tenderness, honesty, etc. Or, you can look at her checkbook and low paying job and decide you are so much "more" than she when in reality, with what she has had to overcome, she may be a far better person. But, if that is how you judge people, move on.
If you want a relationship, it is obvious she is not in the "fast track" of life in the wage dept. That doesn't make her a lesser person than you. In fact, she might be a very good spouse and mother to your children as you are more focused on money making. But, whatever.