Is this too crazy or just crazy enough?

[Radiance]

Well,

I can request to work from home once a week, that is normal at my office.
I could also reduce my hours from 40 to 32 which is less of a paycut and I keep my benefits (health insurance, paid days off)

This mean leaving at 3:30 so I pick up my little guy at 4:00 and we can do something together.... A lot of thinking and praying in the coming days...
I have 10 months and either way I will be collecting those $16,000 on savings, God Willing. As the date comes near I will be fine tuning on my decision.

[kristenintheislands]

My sister, cousins and a few friends all have said that staying home when their kids were school age was actually more helpful then when they were smaller. Between after-school activities and homework there is a lot a parent does and they all felt more needed during those time.

Just food for thought.

I would stick to your full time job, built up the saving fund for a few more years and then move part-time. It's easier to find a babysitter for a baby/toddler than find someone who is willing to become a chauffeur for an 8 year old.

[minnie1928]

Since picking him up earlier is not going to save you much, why not convert your work schedule to have whole days off? Say work 3 days, stay home 2? That would save you gas ($$) and time.

Perhaps the pricing at daycare would be better as well. I was on the board of directors at a daycare center for several years. From a staffing/child perspective it was easier to staff for kids that were there full days vs. the kids that were there only partial days. So, if we had a child that was there MWF and another that was there Tues & Thurs, that required 1 full time staff members attention.

[nmboone]

Talk to him like middle class white people do.

I am not sure what that means! It does sound horrible and I'm white (southerner). Does this mean that black people don't speak normally to their kids, or that a person living in Louisiana (like me) cannot teach children correct speech? Do black people who speak normal English actually are speaking like white midwesterners?

I know I may be misconstruing this, and technically I know what it means. However it smacks of racism among other things.

[nanamom]

i'm with you, be at home when he is young!! I am a SAHM while I know you can't do that, give him s much time as you can, as much for you as for him. If you give up some luxuries then give them up. Learn how to be frugal but healthy at the grocery store, give up cable, use only one type of phone, cell or landline (cell will make you feel better cause the daycare can contact you. Shop garage sales not stores, I do have to admit I would keep the health insurance if at all possible. Don't worry about "doing something" with him after daycare, just be with him, parks are free, playing with blocks is great for building math skills, etc. If you can find a work at home job for after he goes to bed, all the better. Hope this works out for you, and I think it is great you are thinking this far ahead.

And I also object to the "white middle class remark"

[wincrasher]

nmboone - that probably would have been better said, and just as valid, as just "as middle class people do".

Otherwise good advice. Avoid chaos. Enhance stability. Engage your kids, talk to them and be interested in their education.

There are plenty of poor families that raise fine children. It's just tougher. Being a single parent makes it even tougher. Not impossible, but you are working against the odds.

[Radiance]

I am still thinking about this, I know I can figure it out.

Now about this:

1) Keep a stable life for him. Don't sleep in shelters. Don't beg for food. Don't put yourself in a stressful situation.

2) Talk to him like middle class white people do. Okay I know I know that sounds horrible, but that's the facts of life. Ask him questions at the dinner table about his day. Ask him to "help" you do math in the grocery store. Increase your own vocabulary and use "big" words in front of him. Use academic vocabulary like globe, museum, and other rarely used words in the home.

3) Care about his education. Keep yourself informed about what he is doing in school. Sign him up for extra tutoring if he needs it. Find out if your state allows him to transfer to a better school. Ask him about his day and check to see if the teacher sent home any forms or letters.

4) Increase your SES (socio-economic status). You know why kids of single mothers have a hard time? Because women earn less and disenfranchised populations (read: poor and minorities) are more likely to have single mothers. Poor kids do worse in school because their situations are unstable (see #1). AVOID CHAOS!!

while I respect your expertise, this I read on a parenting book: A perfect parent is a person with multiple parenting theories but no real children

1) Agree on the shelters and begging but not on "Don't put yourself in a stressful situation." I dont believe in avoiding stress, I believe in learning how to cope with it, how to maneuver. I want my son to know how to deal with whatever life throws his way. I am always called strong, resilient and sunny, I want that for my son. God knows my skills have allowed me to enjoy my life, no matter what. My son needs adversity, age appropiate, of course. And I would not cause him unnecesary heartache.

2) I do understand what you mean, I think, I give him plenty of vocabulary, expose him to clasical music, etc. However, compassion and connection to all people are skills that I value more than that. I know speaking correctly helps suceed. White, high class??, I rather say teach your son proper English.. while still being able to communicate with everybody. Networking is not built out of fancy words

3) I am all over it, I am a good teacher, coach, tutor myself. I am teaching him all the time in play. Just the other day we play how to write a check and mail it. And also the other day I would say the name of the coin as he passed them to me one by one, I am big in education, I am cool here

4) I think this is not me. I am super down to earth, everybody is as important; from the pope to a homeless person who is a drug addict...

[Radiance]

Just to clarify, you do now that the term single parent has nothing to do with being single or any marital status, right?

Single parents come in all marital statuses:

Married: When the partner is not physically available due to army, disease or jail. When the partner is not emotionally available such as addiction, immaturity or plain stupidity.

Single: When the single parent is not married and the other biological parent is not physically or emotionally available

Widowed, self explanatory

Divorced: and the ex-spouse is not physically or emotionally available to parent.

So single parenting defines the condition of parenting single handedly.
Nothing to do with being single.

I am not saying which one I am

[snshijuptr]

To clarify the "middle class white" comment first remember that I'm talking about having your child succeed in a world that is implicitly racist. Most school teacher, the gatekeepers of education, are middle class white women. One of the biggest movements in education is trying to get teachers to examine their cultural assumptions, but its hard for anyone to do. One big thing is not just so called "academic vocabulary", but also the way we ask our children questions. In some cultures they ask children questions when the adult does not know the answer. This is nactually fairly rare in schools and among white middle class. Instead, the adult usually know the answer to the question. Imagine a 5 year old who was always asked "real" questions being faced with a teacher asking them "What is 1+1?" The child's typical reaction is to think the adult is being silly or actually does not know the answer. These questions were unique to white middle class culture. Others have adopted it because it is common in schools.

There are many other examples, but that's the sort of thing I mean when I say talk to your child like middle class white people do. Children can then adjust better to the culture of school which for many young children can be a huge culture shock.

[snshijuptr]

Double post

[Radiance]

i'm with you, be at home when he is young!! I am a SAHM while I know you can't do that, give him s much time as you can, as much for you as for him. If you give up some luxuries then give them up. Learn how to be frugal but healthy at the grocery store, give up cable, use only one type of phone, cell or landline (cell will make you feel better cause the daycare can contact you. Shop garage sales not stores, I do have to admit I would keep the health insurance if at all possible. Don't worry about "doing something" with him after daycare, just be with him, parks are free, playing with blocks is great for building math skills, etc. If you can find a work at home job for after he goes to bed, all the better. Hope this works out for you, and I think it is great you are thinking this far ahead.

And I also object to the "white middle class remark"

All right! some pro arguments.
Cable is long gone, and so is the home phone. I can improve on my food spending, will refine in the coming weeks. I hardly ever shop...so no need for garage sales I soupose. I like the just being with him concept, that is always super enjoyable and free.
A job to do after bed time, now we are talking, I am off to investigate.
And my overall budget can be reviewed as well...
And, trying to do some other money, I can teach several things such as cooking healthy lunchboxes, I can give seminars on different mothering topics. I am also thinking on becoming a reiki practitioner ($35 to get attuned) hot skill and super flexible hours..
10 months to go!!!

Worry not everybody, I am giving serious consideration to all your arguments...

[cicy33]

Just to clarify, you do now that the term single parent has nothing to do with being single or any marital status, right?

Single parents come in all marital statuses:

Married: When the partner is not physically available due to army, disease or jail. When the partner is not emotionally available such as addiction, immaturity or plain stupidity.

Single: When the single parent is not married and the other biological parent is not physically or emotionally available

Widowed, self explanatory

Divorced: and the ex-spouse is not physically or emotionally available to parent.

So single parenting defines the condition of parenting single handedly.
Nothing to do with being single.

I am not saying which one I am

My daughter is a "single" mom but is happily married to a coal miner. This means that he works incredibly long shifts, sometimes with no time off for weeks at a time. However, they make it work. so I understand completely!

As far as the picking up the child earlier. Would it be possible to hire someone to watch him for a few hours in the afternoon? If this is not possible then I would definitely try to earn a little money at home. I have several programs I have used that do not make me rich but I get regular money for. Not much but then again I don't work hard at them! I am always looking for more too, so I would say always be looking. feel free to email me if you want ideas. won't be links or anything just names of places, I will earn nothing from offering these other than giving a little hope maybe!

[Radiance]

Thank you cicy, I just sent you an email.

And the Lord is blessing me, I just got a call from my pediatrician.
I helped him with his website last year.
An associate of him wants the same done and also they have joint venture that needs a website as well....I am doing this!!! Praise the Lord!

Even if for one year

[mommyof4]

OK, as a professional Speech Language Patholigist who works primarily with young children, I have to jump in on the "white middle class language" remark. I do agree with this, general statement, although I would have phrased it differently.

In extensive research conducted over years of study and looking at different SES families, researchers have found differences in the way different SES groups communicate to their children. They have found:
*The average 3 year old from a professional family exceeded that of the average welfare parent;
*In a typical hour, professional parents spent nearly twice as much time interacting with their children as welfare parents;
*By age four, the average child in a welfare family may have 13 MILLION fewer words of cumulative language experienace than the average child in a working class family;
*Children heard 2,100 wods per hour in the average professional family, 1,200 per hour inthe average working class family, and 600 per hour in the average welfare family;
*Professional parents gave children affirmative feedbck more than 30 times per hour, twice that of working class parents and five times a often as welfare parents;
*Children in welfare families heard a prohibition twice as often as they heard affirmative feedback.


Source:
Meaningful Differences in the Everyday Experience of Young American Children
By Betty Hart, Ph.D., & Todd R. Risley, Ph.D.

[cicy33]

feel like we are falling off track a little here

I happen to agree with Radiance that the first few years are crucial. I believe strongly and those with degrees can argue till you are blue but how you nuture and raise your child until they are about 5 can have serious impacts on how your child becomes as they go into teens and even possibly adulthood. Yes, I will grant that bad experiences can be overcome. There is also the point of this mother doesn't want to miss out on these precious years of her child. They will be gone very soon and there is no getting them back. If there is some way to stay home part time and afford it then by all means. And I think the issue should be what can she do not don't do it and keep working and keep your child in day care. That is not what she asked.