Adult kids staying at home

[sherylcarter]

as the economy declines, there simply are not the jobs that once were and most of the jobs are not going to lead to anything further down the road for the young person. I think that is a bit sad and I am fully prepared to accept that my kids may have to live with us just to survive.

[BlackDiamond]

as the economy declines, there simply are not the jobs that once were and most of the jobs are not going to lead to anything further down the road for the young person. I think that is a bit sad and I am fully prepared to accept that my kids may have to live with us just to survive.

I was out this weekend and of the 4 stores I went to, all 4 were hiring.

I was at:
AC Moore Craft/Art store
Home Depot
McKinnons Grocer
Papa Gino's Pizza (there were setting up an interview with a guy while I was there)

I took an app for McKinnons because I'd love to work part time there weekends to get the discount.

These are not high paying jobs but they should pay enough that a college age or just out of college kid can survive off of them, esp. if he/she is working two jobs (as I did when I was in college, full time). He/She might have to rent a room someplace or rent a small place with a roommate for a while but it's still better than living at home, IMO. Or live at home and pay rent. My FI lived at home til he was 28 and paid his parents $500/mo for rent. This helped his parents a lot because they needed the money.

The issue with the OP is not so much that he lives at home, but that the young man does not work, does not pay any rent, or do much of anything.

[jIM_Ohio]

He needs to know you love him
and he needs to know that also means tough love...

drop kick his butt out, and one of two things will happen...

his father will enable him
or
he gets his act together

if he shuts you out, just love him as a son
just do not enable him

[disneysteve]

as the economy declines, there simply are not the jobs that once were and most of the jobs are not going to lead to anything further down the road for the young person. I think that is a bit sad and I am fully prepared to accept that my kids may have to live with us just to survive.

I refuse to believe that an able-bodied young man can not find employment somewhere sufficient to support himself. Maybe it will take 2 jobs. Maybe it will require relocating. But a motivated individual with a good work ethic will always be in demand, even in the depths of a recession. I've spoken to numerous business owners and employers who continued to have trouble filling job openings throughout the recession and rising unemployment rate. Finding people who want to work and are willing to actually show up every day and do the job is an ongoing problem in business.

[wnlbutterfly]

Were you serious when you asked about filling out the job applications for him? What are you going to do if he gets an interview OR a job? Go do it for him too?

I have seen this exact situation with my daughter's friend. He did graduate HS, but didn't get his driver's license (we don't have public transportation here), and wanted to "take time off" from school. He has managed to mooch off a cyber-GF for a year (when he hooked up with her she had a job/apt/car), it ended with them living in her car for awhile before she kicked him to the curb and he is now back home again.

In the parents defensive, they have set deadlines, they have told him he had to pay for things, but they didn't follow through when he didn't pony up and kick him out. You want to help your children, but if they aren't trying to help themselves you are not being a parent by enabling.

Best of luck.

[Seeker]

Questions already has gotten the kid into "programs" and once done, the son went back to old style. The son did not finish HS.

The kid needs to grow up.

I tend to agree with the others, tell him that he must sustain a job before "x" date and help provide for his own way in this world. Tell him that if he does not, he will not be living with you beyond that date.... and keep to it.

Leave his father and step-father out of this discussion. You are his mother. And he is legally an "adult" of age enough to be able to make his own decisions.

The kid needs to respect himself and his ability to do something complete for himself before he can do any kind of growing up.

Tell him that you have no choice in the matter either; you can tell him that you do this because you love him and need him to be able to provide for himself and for any others that may matter to him in the future. He needs to respect himself before he can make changes in his life. Mistakes are okay; stagnation (or doing nothing) is definitely not "okay."

My two cents worth...

[1milliondollarchallenge]

I agree with everyone about it being time for tough love.

Unfortunately, he has had it too easy.
Definitely do NOT fill out job applications for him. He needs to do it.
Get him tested for depression, because if he does have it that needs to be addressed.
Also if he is depressed having no job/motivation is just detrimental.

You need to set definite rules and deadlines and stick to them otherwise you won't be helping him.

Good luck.

[cschin4]

Finding people who want to work and are willing to actually show up every day and do the job is an ongoing problem in business.

I think part of this generation is a reaction to the "live for work, live for the company" lifestyle of the 80's where parents worked continuously at the beck and call of "the company". These kids had lots of stuff but not the family bonding because work was oh, so important at the expense of everything and everyone else. And, in the end, the stuff didn't make anyone happy so I don't think this generation has the need to acquire and realizes that sacrificing all their time and energy for nothing isn't worth it to them. That, they are just as happy living in a tiny apt as long as they have their cell or computer to be connected. Not saying this is the case with the OP but making a general observation .

[PetMom]

You hear of some young adults who are working on schooling and living at home and doing work around the house and/or a part time job.

He is not interested in his education at all? What about talking to a school counselor or a counselor/therapist as some have suggested.

If he were in school and doing his own laundry, running errands, mowing the yard, doing the home repairs and staying out of trouble (as in late night driving and drinking) then staying around til done with school and having high grades then this might be a productive thing.

But if that is not happening then all living at home does is develop some ineffective habits.

[questions]

how do you kick out an adult child who has a baby and STUPID us we let the boyfriend come as well- WE MOVED due to a work situation, they are in the house still and they pay us rent (the mortgage) but not always ANd the house is not being maintained- THIS IS ALL WE HAVE-HELP! what would you do?????????????

(note from Admin: different person, but same topic so I stuck it in here)

[woodie96]

Tough love is definitely hard.....havent talked to my 19 year old daughter in months....I heard she is pregnant and married now.....
But with the stuff she was doing that I didn't agree with and she wasn't raised that way, it was time she lived on her own and made decisions for herself. Since obviously she didnt give a rats a55 about anything I said.
It upsets me, but one day she will see the light...Least I hope so.