Financial security versus the unknown

[hawkster]

I'm 41 as is my wife. We have a picture perfect life, little debt, a great ten year old daughter,etc. Over the past few years I've realized that I regret not having another child. My work schedule and overweight issues got in the way.....both are not an issue now.

My wife sprung on me these very same feelings as well which shocked me. Feelings of selfishness came as i realized I'd be probably giving up any hope of early retirement. Motto mention the medical risks we would be taking trying to conceive at 41.

I'm rambling I know but is 41 too old? Not to mention my of birth defects for over 40 woman Bering children. I feel like I am bearing a double edged sword.

Thoughts?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

The only thing in life is regrets. Do it. Would you be willing to adopt instead? Or just naturally?

[Fern]

Miscarriage and birth defects do increase greatly after age 40, but certainly, there have also been many women who have a healthy pregnancy in their early 40s. I remember reading a NYT article on the risks of conception after 40, which is probably a good 5 years old now. Do the research online so you are fully informed before you make your decision.

[jasonnoguchi]

over 40 is definitely the danger zone. make sure you get doctor's advise first.

[maat55]

Adoption is a good alternative. I personally would not take the risk with birth defects, for the childs sake.

[Scanner]

Ah, life is weird, isn't it? If we all waited until our financial house was in order to have kids, with a large, diversified portfolio and a paid-off house, we'd all be in the same predicament as you, wouldn't we? But life has strange twists and turns.

How about a puppy instead?

[cicy33]

I know several women personally who have given birth or who are now pregnant and are in their 40's. Yes, it has its risks which should be discussed with your doctor but for the most part as long as both parents are healthy there should be less risk. I wanted another child very badly up until I was about 40. After my granddaughter was born I realized myself personally am too old to start over. (I am now 42) I get tired much quicker chasing after her. So just be prepared for the no sleep nights and all the fun of toddlers! But a baby is such a personal choice and I am sure that if you decide to have another he/she will bring you much joy. Sounds like you have your act together!

[cptacek]

I would say that since both of you thought of this separately, and neither one of you are pressuring the other, it is a good sign that it is what you really want. How odd is it that it came to both of you at the same time? I personally would take that to mean that you are being called to have a child.

Scanner, shame on you for suggesting a puppy to someone wanting to have a child. How heartless.

[cschin4]

At 41, the chances of conceiving are drastically reduced. And, I know you hear stories all day long about over 40 pregnancies but I believe the statistics bear that out. So, you may certainly try to but it is very likely that this may not occur so you need to be realistic and not set your heart completely on that. Adoption/foster care is also reasonable.
However, may I suggest that your "awakening" may be best used in other ways? Instead of focusing all your energies on possibly having another child, why not focus your energies on your 10 yr old daughter in making this the best family she could have? Why not focus on your spouse in being the best spouse you can be?

[zetta]

I was curious, so I googled the stats on genetic disorders. The chances are still under 3% for the next couple of years, rising to 5% at age 45:
age Downs any chromosomal disorder
40 1/106 1/66
41 1/82 1/53
42 1/63 1/42
43 1/49 1/33
44 1/38 1/26
45 1/30 1/21

After having my kids at age 35 and 39, I'd agree I have a bit less energy than I would've had at 30, but it is offset by having more patience.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I kNOW MANY WOMEN WHO DIDN'T START UNTIL 40 BECAUSE TEHY DIDN'T FIND TRHE RIGHT PARTNER. tHE RISKS ARE HIGHER, BUT YOU CAN BE 20-SMETHING AND HIGHER RISK.

[Petunia]

We have a lot to say about this, don't we?

41 is not too old. I hope things work out well for you.

Petunia

[Petunia]

Scanner, shame on you for suggesting a puppy to someone wanting to have a child. How heartless.

I have heard this before too. A puppy and a child are not the same thing.

Petunia