Scenario: What do you think?

[buildmybudget]

Ok, so my former boss of more than 5 years at the company that just laid me off texted me today and asked me to help her run some reports out of a custom Access database I built. We've been friends for over six years and just two weeks ago I helped her save a bunch of money on a car by using a private dealer I know.

It really bothers me that she is asking for help because it is essentially a lose-win. I would be helping my old company and receive nothing in return. My pain is compounded because she is playing the friend card. If she was truly a friend, she would try to find some way to make it a win-win and get me in to run these reports for some $$$ or something.

Not only is it a huge conflict of interest for me to help her, but it's just caused a huge distraction for me today. The last thing I'm worried about right now is the needs of my old company. They should have thought of this stuff before they canned me.

What do you think? Should I help out my "friend" or tell her to request a PO for my services?

[maat55]

You should do the right thing and not worry about hurting feelings.

[LuxLiving]

I'd be friendly while telling her what my new hourly rate is going to be. Ask for the PO#.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Well, now, this is exactly the sort of thing I was wondering about a couple weeks or so ago when I inquired on these forums if people ask you to give them your work for free. Exactly. (The question came up because my DH keeps getting asked by the workplace he left six months ago.)

Especially considering "friend" is in quotation marks, I think you should tell her what your consultant rate is. Be sure and set it in accordance with your professionalism.

[Broken Arrow]

I would also do whatever I can to continue to network, but make it clear that it's only fair to expect compensation if they want you to work for them.

If she is truly your friend, I'm sure she will understand that it's just business, and that you hope the two of you will continue to be friends.

[sandrark]

One professional tip I use for setting boundaries: say yes the first time, and then tell them that after that, the answer won't be yes...

It lets them down easily when you do say NO the next time...it builds some amount of goodwill by saying yes on a limited basis....and it helps me feel that I am still holding to my values of customer service and responsiveness without being a long-term chump.

Good luck in finding the balance.

Sandi

[disneysteve]

One professional tip I use for setting boundaries: say yes the first time, and then tell them that after that, the answer won't be yes...

I like this solution. One time as a favor and make it clear that next time you expect to be paid the going consultant rate.

[buildmybudget]

Great advice sandrark--much appreciated. =)

[lovcom]

I would not help the prior company for free, unless the good will would lead to future opportunities, and only then.

To treat friendship as currency is really a low brow thing to do....tell your ex boss politely to not expect any help from you unless the situation is win-win.

The fact that she expects your help show how little she respects you.

[cptacek]

I'd be friendly while telling her what my new hourly rate is going to be. Ask for the PO#.

I like this idea. People should be able to tell the difference between business and pleasure. You can do business with friends or family, so long as the business situations are treated as business situations and personal situations are treated as personal.

[cschin4]

First, as a nonemployee, I don't see how you should have any privvy or right to be seeing the business information, contacts, and so forth of that company. I would have serious concerns about getting involved in that. I wouldn't not even give a "freebie". I would tell her that you would be glad to help out the company, but do not feel you should be doing so unless functioning in a professional capacity as either an employee, contractor or consultant. And, that you would gladly help but some arrangements must be first to protect the company and yourself from you accessing information that you are no longer legally able to access.

[cschin4]

I like this idea. People should be able to tell the difference between business and pleasure. You can do business with friends or family, so long as the business situations are treated as business situations and personal situations are treated as personal.
Reply With Quote

How I wish this were true. A couple that we know are into the MLM thing and it is constant sell, sell, sell. We are sick of it and finally told them we don't buy things or do business with friends. And, I think it is pretty rotten to turn a friendship into a chance to earn $$$.

[wincrasher]

Well, I'm a contract consultant, so I have experience in this area.

You can never have too many friends or too many associates in your network.

Surely if you turn her down, she will be out of her friend column. Are you so busy you can't help out a friend?

Don't be too hard on an old boss. Often they are told to lay people off from above and don't have much discretion as to who has to go.

You never know where your next opportunity will come. Could be while you are in the office giving this "free" help. Could be a few weeks from now when someone recalls what a mench you were. Or maybe your friend will think of you when they hear about something or a job opens up.

Business is not about being a selfish a-hole as some keep bringing up. It's more like politics - you got to navigate peoples needs or wants and find a way to serve their interests.

[cschin4]

Surely if you turn her down, she will be out of her friend column. Are you so busy you can't help out a friend?

Why would the OP be "out of the friend column"? Who would need or want friends like that? If you can't do what I want you to do, then you are not my friend? Can the OP's friend not accept that the OP doesn't want to, feel right about it, or have the time to do this?
I totally disagree. You don't have to give away your skills, labor and business. In fact, I think the opposite. The OP has an opportunity to put him/herself out there as a needed business person and consultant. I would NOT do the work for free.

[cschin4]

Business is not about being a selfish a-hole as some keep bringing up

Because the OP would want to be paid for services, this is somehow being a "selfish a-hole"? Unbelievable.