It has been a difficult summer

**Daylily** · 09-02-2009, 06:15 PM

(((( hugs ))))

I hope you can help him keep it together.

**cptacek** · 09-02-2009, 08:30 PM

Oh, that last straw. It is so hard to see someone you love struggling and you can't do anything to help.

**Seeker** · 09-02-2009, 11:41 PM

Irmanator, my heart goes out to you.

He needs to not control it... you need to help him let out those feelings. Even if you both release together.

Be with him, share with him, hold him.

**creditcardfree** · 09-03-2009, 07:15 AM

It is completely okay to be sad with the death of family members. If he's having any thoughts of suicide, please get him professional help.

**irmanator** · 09-04-2009, 05:46 AM

I doubt he is suicidal. Just really sad and frustrated. I hate it but he took a 401-k loan to fix his car. But I guess being able to go when and where you want should up his mood a little especially since I can't fix anything else for him. Oh and last Monday was his mom's b-day. The first since she died. I am sure we will pull thru but he is more emotional and i am more practical so I don't know how to help him without sounding like i don't care.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 09-08-2009, 05:39 AM

Sorry to hear about the stresses. Hope it gets better soon.

**Sonja** · 09-09-2009, 12:32 AM

Black stripe, white stripe, a nasty day is always changed by a sunny one... I hope you will get through it and everything will be OK after all. The only real disaster is losing our dearest people, the rest is just ordinary problems.

P.S. But it is very difficult to help a person if he does not try to help himself. One has to be strong to live on.

**cschin4** · 09-10-2009, 03:26 AM

P.S. But it is very difficult to help a person if he does not try to help himself. One has to be strong to live on.

Sometimes people simply cannot help themselves. Sometimes people need someone to say "hey, let me point you to some help". Sometimes you get tired of being "strong".

As for the OP, I would suggest an appointment with a counselor to talk and he may possibly need a short term course of antidepressants. Please do not undervalue your mental health. Most insurances will pay for some counseling and even if they do not you should look at your mental health as important as your physical health and not be afraid to do what you need to maintain that. Depression and mental heatlh issues carry a stigma and many people are afraid to deal with it as they fear appearing "weak" or whatever.
And, we all have life's sadnesses to deal with, but sometimes you need time and perspective and maybe a little help to get through it. But, for some reason, people think nothing of spending for pills, surgery, medical visits for the most minor ailments but will allow depression or other issues to linger for years.
Anyway, not saying your spouse is clinically depressed, he may just be experiencing the grieving process and we all have blue times. But, if it continues or he seems inordinately sad over time, then please consider helping him seek some counseling or help as there is no reason to live for years feeling like crap.

**Sonja** · 09-17-2009, 05:09 AM

Originally posted by cschin4 View Post

Sometimes people simply cannot help themselves. Sometimes people need someone to say "hey, let me point you to some help". Sometimes you get tired of being "strong".

As for the OP, I would suggest an appointment with a counselor to talk and he may possibly need a short term course of antidepressants.

I fully agree with you that sometimes people need other people's help. And they must get it. But only SOMETIMES. I am afraid there is a sort of people who always complain and never want do something themselves. And their family and friends have to help them all the time. Nothing can be done about this. It is just a sort of people unable to get accustomed to the difficulties of life...

And antidepressants may only lead such people into self-isolation. They may even become addicted to more serious drugs.

All of us have the right to feel weak and helpless. SOMETIMES. I would never recommend anyone to stay weak.

**irmanator** · 09-17-2009, 04:17 PM

Originally posted by Sonja View Post

I fully agree with you that sometimes people need other people's help. And they must get it. But only SOMETIMES. I am afraid there is a sort of people who always complain and never want do something themselves. And their family and friends have to help them all the time. Nothing can be done about this. It is just a sort of people unable to get accustomed to the difficulties of life...

And antidepressants may only lead such people into self-isolation. They may even become addicted to more serious drugs.

All of us have the right to feel weak and helpless. SOMETIMES. I would never recommend anyone to stay weak.

Actually he is trying to be like cowboy tough. He is getting better it was just, silly as it sounds, that music is his coping strategy. When the musical computer attachment broke, it was like his coping strategy broke. We are getting a new one as the company said it was a mfg defect. So all is better with that.

He is not phsyco or anything just real sad, he lost two loved ones in two months. He just gets quiet and meloncholy once and a while.

Thanks for the concern

**cptacek** · 09-17-2009, 05:00 PM

I think sadness is an underrated emotion. Everyone tries to push you either into "happy" or "depressed" and won't let you just deal with "sad". Sometimes you just have to work through it, however it is you do (music, running, crying - very therapeutic if it is not uncontrollable, hugging a loved one, etc.).

**irmanator** · 09-18-2009, 06:22 PM

yea thats it exactly, at least for me.

It has been a difficult summer