Family or Money? Some chose cash.

[Goldy1]

MY mom earns $22 an hour at a 3 day a week job(24 hours) They won't ever need her f/t. My dad is retired with a comfortable pension and heath benefits for the both of them.
They got a decent sized inheritance a few years ago which allowed them to buy a FLorida condo in mostly cash. They have some rental properties in Michigan(paid off)(poin there is they have more money than they "need")
My dad is self employed in Florida. He works whenever he wants on a daily basis from home(no employees) He has done this for decades on the side and now exclusively.
He lives in Florida 8 months of the year b/c his business does better there. My mom lives in Michigan without him alone in a house for the 8 months he is away.
They are committed to thier marriage and talk on the phone multiple times per day. She flies to Florida monthly to visit for a long weekend.

I know many families split up like this b/c of neccessity ie food on the table, to prevent forclosure.

It is morally right to live apart when you have enough money to not do this?
My dad was recently hospitalized overnight for high blood pressure and released. For the first time I said something. I said to my mom"what if something happened to my dad? Would you not feel bad you lived apart?" She had no response stating it was mainly his choice, but I think she wants the money also.
They plan to indefineitly continue this lifestyle. They are only early 50's.
Me and my dh constalty frown apon this choice. I love my independance, and free time, but that is not my definition of marriage.

[disneysteve]

It is morally right to live apart when you have enough money to not do this?

that is not my definition of marriage.

I don't think it has anything to do with morals. It has to do with personal choices. I agree with you. That is not my definition of marriage (not my wife's definition either). My wife has often said that she would not have married someone whose job required frequent travel. She didn't get married in order to be alone most of the time. If she wanted to do that, she would have stayed single.

However, this isn't about your choice. It is about THEIR choice. If they are happy with the situation they have and it works for them, that is totally their decision to make. Personally, I find it very strange, but their job in life isn't to please you or me but to please themselves and each other. Let them live their lives and you live yours. Accept them for who they are.

[cschin4]

Me and my dh constalty frown apon this choice. I love my independance, and free time, but that is not my definition of marriage.

I don't think that is so uncommon. THere are many military families, etc who live lives apart from one another for significant times. I had a friend who her and her husband basically lived apart for years. I really wouldn't want to do that but apparently it works for them. And, I don't think it is really necessary for you to "frown" upon that. It is working for them.

[MonkeyMama]

If it works for them I don't see what the big deal is. If they aren't hurting anyone I am not quite sure where morality comes to play.

I am one of those people who do not need to be with my spouse 24/7. For most people balance is good, but some people simply fare better at the extremes. I Can think of a friend whose marriage probably would not last if they lived together and worked in the same city. (Just difficult personalities - for them it works to be apart).

[skydivingchic]

I have to agree with the previous posters - this isn't your life or your decision. I personally would not choose to live this way. DBF and I enjoy spending time together and we both would have a hard time being apart for 8 months every year. But if other people choose to live that way, it is certainly not my place to "frown upon" their choices. Their life - their choice.

[kork13]

My parents did the same thing for almost 2 years... My father got a job in Miami, but my mother and brothers stayed in Oregon so they didn't have to change schools, and for my brother to graduate high school there. They didn't like it alot, but they made it work.

And cschin is very right... military families do that sort of thing all the time. whether deployed to the desert, underway on a ship somewhere, stationed on a remote tour, or just on temporary duty at another base, one spouse will frequently be away for weeks, months, sometimes years, while the other stays home with the family. It's not the best of arrangements, but thousands of families across the globe do it all the time. I wouldn't look down on it at all, even in the case of your parents, where they do it for money reasons, if they're satisfied with it, let it be.

Just to ask, but would it be possible for your parents to just move down to Florida completely? If your father does well down there, why not just move there entirely?

[momof1in150]

The military does it all the time. My DH was deployed 7-9 months out of the year. It is a personal choice and if it works for the family then who is to judge.

[paladin]

I agree that is is something that is totally up to the individuals involved - whatever works for them. There are lots of folks who do this, whether because they have to (military, for example) or because they choose to.

[Goldy1]

I don't think they are immoral people, and I understand people have free will. It doesn't really effect my life personally since I am a grown woman with my own family now.

I just THINK living apart when not a financial neccessity indicates a serious out of whack priority system, but I can't condone a money before people priority system.
My parents are good natured caring people, not heartless immoral people. However, I think my father is addicted to money and its pursuit.

[paladin]

However, I think my father is addicted to money and its pursuit.

You certainly know all of the details that we don't, but someone working in Florida because his business does better there doesn't sound like someone who is "addicted to money and its pursuit"; it sounds to me like someone who has made a sound business decision. And maybe being apart works better for them (no fighting over the little things )

[Scanner]

Marriage is primary an economic union first, a romantic union second.

That's why you don't see too many women marrying hot street bums.

[Bimmer]

Heck, I know a well-off retired couple who live in the same house and they hardly talk to or see each other in the spring/summer/fall. He golfs all day, goes to sports bars at night to watch baseball and football. Conversely, she is heavily involved in scrapbooking and knitting and is constantly at stores and events relating to those.

At least your folks are communicating, even if by phone and e-mail. If neither has expressed a problem with the situation, then what's the worry? It works for them.

[mom-from-missouri]

Some couples actually get along better by being apart more. I have friends who after 10 waking hours together start fighting, so the delebertly do things apart. Then the time they do have together is quality time.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

My parent live apart most of the week and see each other weekends. They have been doing it for 2 years now. Do I think they are nuts?

Yes. Why? It cost more for them to live apart since they bought a condo that has lost around 20% in value and have a mortgage again!!! Yikes!

But other than that it's cool. Dumb financially but it's okay.

[wnlbutterfly]

It must work for them...I wouldn't care for that situation at all and it could very well lead to loneliness and finding others to fill that void. But who knows.

Why is it all the father's fault? Mom is only working 3 days a week, is this a job that she really NEEDS?? Obviously they aren't working for the $$, either one could quit so as to be together, so it must be filling another needs for them (maybe they NEED to be apart).

My mom bought a tax prep office with a small apt. At first she said the apt was only in case of bad weather (it is about 45 min drive from her home). Well, 10 years later and she stays there all week long during tax season and then several days off season (because the offices have to be open).

Seems to be working okay for them....but it isn't what I would want to do. Maybe it depends on if you enjoy the company of your spouse!