Adult children living at home

[ThriftoRama]

I moved out of the house at 18. But I had to move back in briefly, with my husband, at 30 because Hurricane Katrina washed us out! We thought we were just visiting for the weekend. After a week with my parents, we moved into my sister's basement. We paid $300 a month rent, plus the gas/electric bill and I cooked dinner every night and bought groceries. It worked out well for all of us.

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball. But, you still need to pitch in any way you can. I mean, they are doing you a huge favor and making room in their life for you.

[Snave]

I recognize there are circumstances such as being extremely sick, a temporary stay such as a loss of a job, etc... There are exceptions to everything. But those should be EXCEPTIONS and not the rule.

[PrincessPerky]

I think most situations are different. So I couldn't say what I will do.

But if as a parent if I charged rent, I think I would put the money aside... to help pay for a house or wedding or whatever. Without telling the kid of course.

I used to be of the theory that kids aught to move out ASAP, but then, I got to thinking of the waste of a single person needing a whole house...Not that a single person shouldn't if wanted, just that insisting on it for all folk..seems bad for the environment for starters. And I know of so many folk where staying home just makes sense, though I think my kids have more chores already than some...

Anyway, I hope to raise my kids to be capable of self sufficiency, but I also hope that we have a relationship capable of sharing a house if needed/desired.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

heck my roommate's younger brother DID NOT WORK, and lived at home, got spending money for 5 years after college. Um, hello? He said his brother was finding himself and it was okay.

Yeah, that kid if he were mine would have been kicked to the curb day 1 after college.

Ever heard that song by offspring? "nah, nah, why don't you get a job?"

That's words I'll sing to my kids.

[Broken Arrow]

duh... playing Rockband in the basement!

Dibs on the drums!

I mean, yes, this is a very serious issue. I suppose the bottom line is that we don't want our children to NOT apply themselves towards a productive future. If there is such a plan to be productive and self-sufficient, and that plan is in motion, then I would think arrangements such as housing are merely minor technical details to the grand scheme of things. However, if there are no such designs or nothing is being done about it, then I do think the children needs to get out... who are technically adults in this case, not even children. It's tough love, but I think they will be better off in the end.

[disneysteve]

I used to be of the theory that kids aught to move out ASAP, but then, I got to thinking of the waste of a single person needing a whole house

Who said anything about a house? My first place after college was an efficiency apartment. I had a one room with a partial wall separating a dining area, a tiny kitchen and a bathroom. No bedroom. I had a dresser, a desk, a table and a sofa bed. Wasn't room for anything else. I lived there for 2 years (along with the roaches for companionship).

[Hot dog]

The thread I was reading was of a 23 yr old that was making 30,000 and not paying rent living with parents although looking for a place to stay. I thought I remembered in the past people saying they would not charge their children rent and I wondered why not.

[maat55]

I disagree. I don't think college students should have to worry about paying rent and working unless absolutely necessary (and I realize that it sometimes is necessary). Their job should be their schoolwork. When my child is in school, we will support her. After college, however, I expect her to become self-sufficient.

I agree, we considered our girls still children while in college and they were allowed to live at home for free. I even offered that they could live at home for free after college to payoff SL debt.

[disneysteve]

I agree, we considered our girls still children while in college and they were allowed to live at home for free. I even offered that they could live at home for free after college to payoff SL debt.

Our daughter knows that she is expected to live on campus during college, not at home. After college, she is expected to have her own place. That's not to say that we wouldn't assist her as needed, just that at 21 it is time for her to start her own life and not be living with her parents.

[Inkstain82]

Multiple adult generations in the same household is a wonderfully efficient way to live. It's a testament to our culture of consumption that it's assumed every adult or pair of adults needs their own full-sized house.

But that being said, part of the reason families living together gets a bad name is because it's mostly practiced by lazy freeloaders.

[maat55]

Our daughter knows that she is expected to live on campus during college, not at home. After college, she is expected to have her own place. That's not to say that we wouldn't assist her as needed, just that at 21 it is time for her to start her own life and not be living with her parents.

Our girls lived primarily on campus but home on weekends and holidays as they wished. Our older daughter stayed at her college town for about 2 years on her own before moving back here. She stayed with us for about 3 months then got married.

My younger daughter moved home from campus to finish classes at a local college and got married just before finishing.

We did not pay for their college but did help with support. There is a difference between bumming at home and getting out of debt. We would never allow a child to live with us without doing something financially constructive.

[cash330]

I am just finishing up college, I live at home with my parents and commute. My older sister did the same and still lives with our parents. My younger sister has just started college. My younger sister and I do not have to pay anything except our own expenses such as gas, cell phone, fun stuff, etc. My older sister pays for all this plus room and board.

The main reason why she is still home is because she is a teacher in NY and must have a Masters degree within 5 years of graduating in order to still teach in public schools. Right now she is subbing and looking for a job, and you can imagine, it's tough to find a job.

I think it is very reasonable to allow your child to live at home during college, it can save a lot of money. Once their finished with a 4 year degree, they should pay room and board and have a concrete plan. In my sister's situation, she will move out when she has a stable job and income, school at least mostly finished and paid off, and savings to live on her own (nothing too considerable).

I can't say I will do the same. It's not that I don't think it's right, I just really don't have the desire to still live with my parents for so long after college. I have very many friends who are in there mid to late 20s who still live at home. It's really not where I want to be. I hope to get a job and move out within a year of graduation.

I think that if a child is not in school, they MUST have a full time job, pay room and board, and have a concrete plan for eventually moving out. There parents should BY NO MEANS be paying for everything for them. My younger sister graduated with a guy who doesn't work and lives at home. I think this is a horrible way to raise a child who should have already been taught by now that you do have to grow up some time. I think it's their parents responsibility to knock some sense into them and throw them into the real world. It's the least they could do.

[disneysteve]

Our girls lived primarily on campus but home on weekends and holidays as they wished.

Same with me. I went to school about 60 miles from home. I was home for holidays and breaks, though occasionally traveled during breaks with a friend or roommate. My folks would come up for the day on a weekend sometimes. Other times I'd come home for the weekend. But most of the time during the school year was spent on campus.

[pearlieq]

Multiple adult generations in the same household is a wonderfully efficient way to live. It's a testament to our culture of consumption that it's assumed every adult or pair of adults needs their own full-sized house.

I tend to agree. There's something to be said for close family relationships and interdependency between the generations.

As long as everyone wants the arrangement and is contributing, it can be wonderfully productive and fulfilling to all involved.

[Snave]

We did not pay for their college but did help with support. There is a difference between bumming at home and getting out of debt. We would never allow a child to live with us without doing something financially constructive.

I think this is a good way to put it. I like the "doing something financially constructive." I did live with my parents for a few months post-college while I was interviewing for jobs. I had a small job to help pay for my miscellaneous items such as gas, etc... However, I was saving the rest for my rent for an apartment and for business suits, etc... for when I got my first real job and apartmemt. I was with them for 4-5 months. When I got a job, I moved to a different city and had the funds for my apartment and work clothes.