Kid Question

[Gruntina]

I had a number of friends who had accidents on the pill (mostly because their doctors did not tell them that antibiotics counteract the pill).
(No accident).

umm... I didn't know that!

[aida2003]

Yes, we planned ours.....

My ex-colleague didn't plan and didn't want to have kids right now, but according to him it was an accident. They always used birth control, but he said it just protects 99%. So, the guy fell into the unlucky 1%... but now he's excited except the money part.......

[aevans1206]

Planned for, tried for, conquered.

We have made efforts not to become pregnant again, but I think both of us would be perfectly fine with having another one if it became a reality.

[M-squared]

There is a big difference mentally between just going along unprotected and really "trying" by tracking cycles and making sure to have sex on specific days, as all veterans of infertility know.

Exactly! DS was the result of over a year and a half of charting, counting, and having sex on specific days. DD was a "surprise" in that we were not trying. A happy surprise, but we did not intend to get pregnant that cycle. In fact we thought it would never happen with out all the rigamarole we went through the first two times. (the first one ending in a miscarriage and the second being DS.) After DD, we got fixed as not to be surprised again.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

But M-sqaured if you weren't using BC isn't that trying?

[PrincessPerky]

Yep, I guess PP, that's my question. Why don't you just consider your kids planned because you stopped using BC? And sure you didn't track days, but not using BC is like knowing you could get pregnant at any time right?

Never started using BC..so it wasn't like we 'stopped' and said now it is ok to be pregnant.... Also planning involves work. Planning tends to mean preparation and such. In fact if you ask me, June is a lousy time to deliver a baby in NC! (I just had one, can't swim yet, and sooo hot)

And I would never call what we did/do trying to get pregnant, that is an insult to those who track cycles and such.

So we kinda need a third name...there are those who have accidents, those who plan, and those who take em as they come.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Hmm...I guess people who want kids but don't admit it?

[PrincessPerky]

No I admit I want kids....just not that I think I could plan them properly.

[moneybags]

No I admit I want kids....just not that I think I could plan them properly.

It certainly isn't my belief, but there are those that let God plan for them.

[cschin4]

All 3 of our children were planned. Up until that point we had used BC. But, I didn't tell people we were '"trying". It isn't something I would choose to discuss with others. But I didn't have fertility issues either so I can understand those who do wish to discuss it because it can be very distressing to them.
As for "unplanned". I really don't know what that means. If you are having sex, then you are possibly going to get pregnant. ANd, I think the so-called "failed birth control" is mostly a failure of the user and not the method itself. I said mostly not all so no flames please.

[fruitbowlk]

We planned ours and, ultimately needed some medical assistance to have her.

I totally agree with you on the "unplanned" issue. I constantly say that to my patients. I ask if they are on birth control. When they say no, I ask if they are trying to get pregnant. They say no, and I say, "yes you are". If you are having sex and not using birth control you are trying to get pregnant, whether that is your true intent or not.

LOL Steve you sound like my Dr. That is great that you are telling you patients that.

[maat55]

We planned ours and, ultimately needed some medical assistance to have her.

I totally agree with you on the "unplanned" issue. I constantly say that to my patients. I ask if they are on birth control. When they say no, I ask if they are trying to get pregnant. They say no, and I say, "yes you are". If you are having sex and not using birth control you are trying to get pregnant, whether that is your true intent or not.

I'm not so sure, since Adam & Eve people have been trying to have sex without having kids. Due to todays technology, not using birth controll only seems irresponsible. In some ways, we are just animals.

[myrdale]

A co-worker of mine was going on the other day what a burden it was for his mother growing up and raising 7 kids. I told him to his face that I had no sympathy what so ever for anyone who chose to have 7 children.

Similarly an ex-girlfriend of mine has had 3 children by a now deceased 60 year old man. The odd thing is they were trying and her only regret is they didn't have more before he passed away. I am glad they were in love, but what would you expect to happen?

I think having children is probably the most serious choice one can make in life. Yes, yes, anyone can have a child but it takes a man to raise one. My point is people don't take all of the risk into account before just going at it.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I guess the thing is most people say unplanned but haven't prevented it. So maybe unexpected but not unplanned because planned would mean you were trying to NOT have kids (using BC).

[M-squared]

But M-sqaured if you weren't using BC isn't that trying?

Not trying but not avoiding either. She was an unexpected (but very welcome) surprise. We were very happy to have her, and had taken a sort of "come what may" attitude.