Dating - who really pays?

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Who really pays in dating? I started a poll on my blog because someone commented it's always men. Paying for Dates? | LivingAlmostLarge

But is it true? Should men always pay even if women invite them? Or is it dependent on who invites?

I'm a dutch kind of girl myself, but can accept whoever invites. I had heard rumors of women who expect men to pay but what do men think? This is a quote from a woman about men paying.

If a guy doesn’t want to pay on the first date, then it says he is socially inept, rude, or at the very least apathetic with regard to me. None of which reasons would prompt me to want to see him again (which is fine, if that’s what he’s going for). If he is merely broke then he should have suggested a free/cheap date, such as an afternoon in the park or at the museum.

Paying on the first date is not about being cheap or generous - it’s about social etiquette. Relationships develop with the flow of the give and take. And in general we all still prefer the man to initiate the giving by initiating and paying for the first date (even men report this in surveys). The woman should by all means reciprocate by insisting to pay for the next date (or the rest of the first date), or treating him to a home cooked meal, or what have you.

So what happened to equality? Are men the "breadwinners" and need to provide?

[Tim_1983]

I think the man should pay for at least the first date. After that it should be half and half unless the women is a housewife i.e not earning money.

[vsjhoc]

I had a first date with a guy for drinks. It went well so we decided to go from the bar to the restaurant for dinner. He was a bit distracted and thought they would put the bar tab on the restaurant bill. He almost walked out without paying the bartender and he got really embarrassed when I reminded him.

We still laugh about it. We're now engaged.

[jIM_Ohio]

I think who pays depends on how the date ends, or on how the guy wants/ expects it to end.

[Broken Arrow]

I've seen several explanations on how this should work... and my conclusion is that it really depends on the woman. Dating really is in the woman's advantage I think.

For men, I think we can only err on the side of caution and just go ahead and pay for everything until said woman tells us otherwise.

[musicalbabe85]

I like the idea of whoever invites pays. My husband and I went by this idea when we dated and still do. I think, for some, it may lessen any chance of feeling like you are being taken advantage of (if one person pays all the time) or it can possibly tell you, depending on how long you've dated, what you may have in store for the future!

[Gruntina]

I think the man should pay for at least the first date. After that it should be half and half unless the women is a housewife i.e not earning money.

dating married women?

[disneysteve]

I think the person who initiates the date can pay, but in reality I think it is the man who pays more often than not. I think "equality" is a crock. Our society still expects the man to be the dominant partner in a relationship and the provider. Even though women are now in the workforce in unprecedented numbers, the societal roles haven't really caught up with that situation.

Of course, I've been off the market for nearly 20 years now, so my perspective may be out of date.

[stressedmama]

For first dates, I believe the man should pay. Like the quote that started this thread says, "Paying on the first date is not about being cheap or generous - it’s about social etiquette." If a man wants a second date, it's a good investment to pay for the first. After the first date, everything is fair game.

[pearlieq]

You know, every time one of these threads comes up, I am eternally grateful for my wonderful DH and very, very thankful that I don't have to date anymore! I always feel like I won the lottery with him.

I would recommend a man play it safe and graciously pay for the first date. I would also recommend a man keep his eyes and ears open for sings of reciprocation from the woman--sometimes there's more subtle than picking up the tab, but no less valuable. I wouldn't be too inclined to stay with a women who didn't contribute her resources to the relationship.

And the sooner the world can be rid of cads who think women should be trading sexual favors for overpriced pasta and cocktails, the better! Yuck!

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

I think it is often hard to even say when exactly one has had the first date. So often you might work with someone, or work together with them in a community group, political effort, volunteer project, place of worship committee, etc. And you take breaks for lunch, coffee, to rest, or just to clear the head with those around you. Maybe in groups, maybe in twos. Or maybe you start carpooling in those groups or twos. Or maybe some of you just get together for a little fun time after work, committee, etc.... Before you know it, you may have been out with someone twenty times or more, yet no one has ever said, "Let's get together for A DATE".....You may have gotten to know a lot about the person and become quite comfortable with going dutch in those situations....In that case, I think it is so much easier to continue going dutch, or to be casually honest about one's financial abilities for dates, or for the person who invited to easily say, "my treat, of course," once you decide that you would like to officially DATE.