Is It More Expensive To Date As A Man Or A Woman?

[syracusa]

I know plenty of women who say they are feminists but then let the men pay for at least the first date.

Amazing how much hypocrisy the human mind can justify away...

I am not a feminist (not the kind that promote women's absolute independence from anything and anyone) so I used to let the guys pay on the date. At that time, I could not have paid for myself at restaurants anyway - I was a grad student on an exremely tight stipend and a small scholarship, with no right to work in the US.

I did not expect them to take me places anyway. I could have been just as happy walking somewhere with a cup of water in our hand, but they always wanted to go somewhere (my husband included) . So they always paid.

It worked just fine for me. Feminism is overrated anyway.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I also never let me pay the first date. It was dutch. And even when I was younger my mom instilled that women needed to be firm about being equals.

But most of my friends expect men to pay.

[brig2221]

Nice clothing is usually much cheaper for a guy. Also a guy can get away with an $8 hair cut vs a $30 for a woman.

I would argue that a woman is going to spend money on haircuts and nice clothes for the most part anyway. When I think of expenses as it relates to dating, I am thinking of who is picking up a majority of the costs as it relates specifically to the dates.

Who is paying for admission to the movies, the theme park, the zoo, etc? Who is picking up the tab at bars and restaurants? Who is typically responsible for giving flowers?

I'm sure I missed a lot of things, but I think you get the point. In my opinion, the man pretty much is responsible for 100% of all of that, at least when you are still in the courting stage. Me personally, once we move from dating to actual boyfriend and girlfriend, that is when I start to move things over to 50/50 regarding expenses.

Why is it done this way? Tradition.

[Caoineag]

I also never let me pay the first date. It was dutch. And even when I was younger my mom instilled that women needed to be firm about being equals.

But most of my friends expect men to pay.

Off topic but my mom was mostly old fashioned in this sense. So not really sure where I got my ideas of equality from. Maybe I should blame it on my father. As much as he wanted to keep me safe because I was a girl, I still did the type of things that sons do i.e., bailing hay, loading up firewood, remodeling the house, etc. He also taught me to protect myself so I was usually stronger than the guys I hung out with. And despite seeing women as needing protection, he not so secretly loved (and bragged about) the fact that boys were scared of me all through high school

My best friend however, is definitely old fashioned. The man pays for everything and not just the first date either.

Then there's my hubby. We used to have wars over the check. Now I let him pay for that and I buy the groceries and everything else we need

[jc3900]

I don't really buy the argument that it cost a lot to look good mainly because you would still buy new clothes, makeup, accessories and what not if you wern't dating. The guy however wouldn't have the dating expenses if you wern't dating.

[Gruntina]

Generally I would say it is more expensive for the men to date. Especially for men who have a lot of respect for people and take pride in that. (Those are winners)

In some cases, the more extravagant the dinner, the better chance for the guy to get his dessert(if you get my drift).

I have also seen where a guy can easily charm a girl to make her feel all giddy that she would have no problem paying his ways. I think of longer term dating where some guys are losers and do not have steady jobs or that they get a girl pregnant and run off(Now the latter really would make it way more expensive for the girl).

reality is not pretty lol!

[tbc32]

I'm surprised that cultural norms hasn't been discussed here. Where I grew up the man paid for everything... very traditional. However, I've lived in big cities where dating expenses were definitely more evenly split. So I say a huge part of deciding who spends more depends on where you are living and what socioeconomic class you are in.

[Gruntina]

I'm surprised that cultural norms hasn't been discussed here. Where I grew up the man paid for everything... very traditional. However, I've lived in big cities where dating expenses were definitely more evenly split. So I say a huge part of deciding who spends more depends on where you are living and what socioeconomic class you are in.

I agree with you there as it is the same here on the west coast in California. In some very small ways it is because "trust" is harder to acheive and people go dutch at first avoiding manipulation and controlling nature.
But mainly its diversity of people from differnt country are able to "pratice" their culture rituals in big cities with port services. So rules of dating is so different.

It seems a lot of us on here (but I could be very wrong) are living in American tradition.

[pearlieq]

I don't see there being anything inherently "unequal" about expecting a man to pay during the earliest phases of courtship. It's just one type of social currency--there are plenty of "transactions" flying back and forth during dating.

I certainly didn't feel unequal to DH when we were dating, nor did I feel I owed him anything but honesty and the pleasure of my company. I do think it's only fair to only accept (and let a man pay for) dates if you have a sincere interest in him--none of this "dating for dinner" garbage.

Paying for dates is a pretty easy way for a man to not only put himself forward in an attractive light, but also to show they have an actual interest in a woman as opposed to just a passing fancy or hopes of a hook-up.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

Except that sometimes men feel like they deserve more when they drop $300-400/night. Between cab fare, before dinner drinks, dinner $25-30/entrees, appetizer, dessert, drinks during meal, after meal coffee, movie, etc it adds up really fast.

Or so my guy friends say. I was a cheap date with DH, but we were young and broke. I suppose these are people with real jobs.

[pearlieq]

Except that sometimes men feel like they deserve more when they drop $300-400/night.

Not the kind of man a respectable woman would want to be with.

A man who expects "favors" after paying for a date is a pig. That kind of man thinks of and treats women like prostitutes. I wonder why they don't just hire an escort--it's probably cheaper and there's no ambiguity about what you're getting for your money.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

There are a lot of men like that. Why do you think women should carry cash for a cab just in case?

The point actually hit home in college my first year. Over college break this guy took one of my roommates out on a date into the city of SF. I don't know the entire details but he just left her there when she wouldn't sleep with him. She didn't want to call her parents (she was embarrassed), so she called another roomie who lived nearby. Then called her parents and said she was spending the night.

Moral of the story? Lots of guys expect stuff, nuff said. I wasn't so cynical until I saw it happen. And either I've got the weirdest roomates ever or something. Stories I could say make normal people's hair stand on end.

[syracusa]

I don't see there being anything inherently "unequal" about expecting a man to pay during the earliest phases of courtship. It's just one type of social currency--there are plenty of "transactions" flying back and forth during dating.

I certainly didn't feel unequal to DH when we were dating, nor did I feel I owed him anything but honesty and the pleasure of my company. I do think it's only fair to only accept (and let a man pay for) dates if you have a sincere interest in him--none of this "dating for dinner" garbage.

Paying for dates is a pretty easy way for a man to not only put himself forward in an attractive light, but also to show they have an actual interest in a woman as opposed to just a passing fancy or hopes of a hook-up.

So perfectly and graciously put. I absolutely agree.

[kilcher]

Nice clothing is usually much cheaper for a guy. Also a guy can get away with an $8 hair cut vs a $30 for a woman.

but the time and money it takes to look perfect for those dates all comes from the woman's pocket.

Men. If a woman bought an outift just for our date and never wore it again I'd buy that argument. That's like me saying I picked her up in my nice car so I spent more.

[terry1156]

It's been fun reading all the comments and a lot of them reflect our own teasing back and forth. I've come to the conclusion that both sides tend to see a little to narrowly on the money issue, especially when the dating first starts and both sides are trying to impress the other.