Choosing Children

**PauletteGoddard** · 03-20-2007, 04:18 PM

we planned to have children.

I did not plan to lose a job just as I was about to "show."
I did not plan for three months' bedrest.

I have one child. I have believed for the longest time that Americans in HCOL areas were having no problem buying newish cars, spending $900-$1900/month daycare, paying down mortgages and maximizing both their Roth and their 401(k) contributions. Because of course, no Americans in our HCOL area were telling us otherwise. And in case anyone is tempted to yell at us for buying too much house back then, we bought at 3x our household income. We weren't, despite earning a wee bit above the median income for our zip code, so I felt financially inferior and insecure and opted for just the one child.

Finances did delay our having a child. I didn't live in a house that my parent owned until I was 16. To me, owning a house is a little closer to security so I wanted to get into a position where my wage increases were surpassing the mortgage payment (insurance, taxes increase) increases instead of being at the mercy of "No kids, no pets" landlords.

**markio26** · 03-20-2007, 05:26 PM

both sons were planned for.... only because i have to follow a plan... did not know that it would save me money at the time, but, i do now......

**PrincessPerky** · 03-20-2007, 05:44 PM

We did not plan for kids, but we allowed them to happen. We did want children and we did not want to 'TTC' we just wanted to enjoy nights without any bother, what happened happened.

We have 3 kids, no finances really didn't 't have any effect...nor in delaying, we are delaying because I want a break from being pregnant!

But that isn't necessarily the smartest way to go about things......

If I had it to do over again...I still wouldn't delay, but I would have been smarter in the first 3 years of my oldest life...course I didn't know about this site then

.

Goal wise before kids...I wanted to be married (to a guy who would support me staying home), and financial stable..meaning not dependent on my parents....and well not living in my car. I got out of the car, got financial stable (though not smart), and married, then had a kid.

**PRICEPLUS** · 03-20-2007, 06:08 PM

There was no plan it just happened. Just that simple. I once asked my father if I was planned. (There are nine of us.)

Dad's answer was pretty funny, "Son, your oldest sister was an experiment and the rest of you were all accidents!" He always did have a sense of humor!

**nitajaye** · 03-20-2007, 06:28 PM

I am a single parent (by choice) of two adopted children. I was fostering because I was filling two needs. 1. Children who needed a safe, warm loving home and 2. I needed to be a mommy.

When the opportunity came to adopt I jumped at it. Financially it is hard, I am not the most money savey person. I do get financial assistance and the children have medical cards. I would not have been able to support children without the assistance.

If I had to do it all over again I would have been more frugal in my single/no kids phase of life and saved more, but you can't go back you can only learn from the choices you made.

**MonkeyMama** · 03-20-2007, 09:06 PM

Originally posted by LivingAlmostLarge View Post

Did you plan for your child(ren) or did it just happen? How did you handle the financial aspect of having kids? Was it hard to plan for, or was there no planning involved?

How many children do you have? Did finances play a role in the number of children you've chosen to have? Or is it playing a role in delaying or postpoing kids? Or delaying the time before kids?

Were there financial goals that you wanted to meet before you had kids?

Hmmm, interesting questions.

Planned well ahead for the financial aspects. Not exactly hard. Just took patience. Compromise - dh and I had very different goals.

2 kids - finances played a small role in our decision. If we really wanted more kids we would make it work. We had always planned for 2. With 2, personally I would not be surprised if we wanted a 3rd child down the road, but it would be in a few years and if we were very well established financially. Financially we only really planned for 2 right now and I feel another one would severely compromise our financial goals right now. But it is by far not the only reason either. IF we were financially able we would not be having more kids right now for many other factors.

We wanted to own a home and have a pretty significant nest egg before we had kids so we had the flexibility to not have to work so much while they were young. We definitely wanted 1 parent home with the kid(s). We were originally planning to wait a couple of more years, but at some point it just felt "right."

Honestly though, I hardly know anyone who had kids as planned. About everyone I know has had at least one unplanned pregnancy or has gone through intensive fertility treatments. IT seems pretty normal to be one side or the other.

I wanted to make sure we had money in case I Was on bedrest for 9 months - I was the sole breadwinner. It felt like a huge financial risk but we made it okay. It could have been different but we did plan the best we could for all the unforeseen. We were planning to save up at least 9 more months of our dh's salary and why we jumped the gun a bit and then he promptly got laid off when I became pregnant with my first. Figured, but we were well enough prepared all the same.

Oh I have a lot of friends who think it is terrible we "planned" our children, but believe me I am very humbled that the plan had to have a blessing, and that as much as the extreme measures we have gone to have no more children, that sometimes things don't go as planned. The odds are very slim we would have another natural child, but stranger things have happened. Anyway, my point is planning is good. But um, you need to be emotionally prepared when things don't go according to plan all the same.

Oh yes - I certainly wanted a very stable relationship before having kids - for sure. That was probably #1, but a strong financial foundation was most definitely a close second.

**crabbypatty** · 03-21-2007, 04:54 AM

Our children were very planned. Most people I know planned their children and started their families in their 30's. The earliest couple was 27/29.

Planning financially for kids was difficult b/c I didn't know what to expect. We put more money away when we started ttc, that was about it.

Finances played a role in our decision to stop at 2. We didn't want our kids to miss out on opportuities b/c we couldn't afford the tuition/ticket/etc.

We didn't have clear financial goals before having kids besides our home. We got into our "final" home when I was pg. We have no plans to move, ever.

**nanamom** · 03-21-2007, 05:04 AM

I always planned on having kids, my two oldest were planned but the timing wasn't planned, at least not by us, God was in charge of when. Our youngest was planned and the timing was again left up to God as well. We adopted him. Actually I had always planned on adopting earlier but wasn't able to until the last few years. We plan on adopting more, up to God when that happens.

**jodi** · 03-21-2007, 05:36 AM

Most definitely planned. I'm a bit of a control freak

Financially, we were okay, although if we had waited a bit we probably would have been better - however, we both felt it was the right time and knew we could get by.
We planned to have our kids very close in age, but DH lost his job and went back to school when ds2 was 6 months. We decided to hold off on the next round of pregnancies (probably two more kids, for a total of four) until he graduated and got a job, since we were living on my PT income for a year and a half. DH graduated - now he just needs to find a steady job with benefits so I can plan to be home with the kids when we decide it's time for another (right now, my job provides the benefits for all of us).

Before we had kids, our only debt was student loans (no car payments). We had a substantial amount of cash - I think about 25k - saved up, with future plans for a house. The house didn't happen and we are living with family, but by choice, not necessity, and the cash went for other things (two cars, braces, Roths) that we couldn't swing with DH out of work. I don't think I would have felt comfortable having kids without a decent cushion of money set aside.

**shelbylovesmelby** · 03-21-2007, 06:28 AM

The kids were planned... not accidental. We've got 2 w/ 1 on the way.

Finances & the size of our home & how much wear & tear my pg's have on me & the older I am the higher risk catagory I am in,,,,, as to how many kids we are having.

The only financial goal we had was to get dh's credit cleaned up, but that was back before we got married. I have goals now but being a sahm things aren't going very fast tward the direction we'd like.... however it will happen once kids are in school all day & I can be employed again (as Paulette mention daycare is insane if I paid $900-1900x3 would be $2700-5700/mo for day care) let me tell ya an $8/hr pt job won't get us ahead by any means. As I don't know anyone making $8 / hr able to pay that kind of $ for day care plus it's not about the money it's about me spending the time with my kids that they'll remember. And I'd personally feel bad about pawning my kids off so I can go to work & come out less ahead than if I stay home. Though I have a SIL who'd dump her kids in day care in a heartbeat cause she can't stand being with them all day every day. Makes you wonder if shes not the only parent who thinks that way.

**fairy74** · 03-21-2007, 07:54 AM

Planned for: DH and I have been married for 3 years but it was only this past fall that we really began to feel we were financially ready for a baby. (He pays child support on his two older children and I wanted to get my nasty law school loan down a little). While it was planned for, it happened quicker than expected, I got pregnant within two months of starting to try. I assumed it would take a year or longer (I'm 32), many of my friends over 30 have had to try for a long time to get pregnant, so we were lucky. The baby is due in July and we are $775 away from fully funding our baby fund, which we plan to have funded by late May. I am glad we waited as I would not want to be stressing over finances, that's a big burden while you are pregnant.

**markio26** · 03-21-2007, 08:00 AM

good for you fairy.... and congrats....

**Snoopy2645** · 03-21-2007, 08:07 AM

I would say my 2 oldest were even though I was only 18 when I had my first I was sure me & the ex would be together forever it worked out fine though. I was able to work & support her by myself no problems & it was great. Then I met dh & we wanted to have one by that time oldest dd was 5& I really wanted another by then so we had dd#2. No problems really I worked tell I had her & then she had some problems so I quit to sah w/ her. Then #3 GREAT suprise we were struggling by that time with med bils from #2 & me not working. I actually was gonna go back to work ft right when I found out #3 was on the way so we just played it by ear & it worked out GREAT. Then when she was about 6months old I went to work pt not too bad worked out great!!! We just adjusted to having 3 & being that they were all girls we didnt really need much for #3 & I found tons of deals online for formula & diapers & got involved in some diaper studies so she didnt cost too much more. And she really completed our family.

So my opinion is it will all work out if you just go with the flow.

**crabbypatty** · 03-21-2007, 08:48 AM

Originally posted by fairy74 View Post

Planned for: DH and I have been married for 3 years but it was only this past fall that we really began to feel we were financially ready for a baby. (He pays child support on his two older children and I wanted to get my nasty law school loan down a little). While it was planned for, it happened quicker than expected, I got pregnant within two months of starting to try. I assumed it would take a year or longer (I'm 32), many of my friends over 30 have had to try for a long time to get pregnant, so we were lucky. The baby is due in July and we are $775 away from fully funding our baby fund, which we plan to have funded by late May. I am glad we waited as I would not want to be stressing over finances, that's a big burden while you are pregnant.

Baby fund? I'm not sure what you mean.

Choosing Children