ethical problem

[PrincessPerky]

Re: ethical problem

Well the right thing would be for her to be decent enough to pay for shipping..but you don't get to control her, I would try COD if possible, but failing that, ship it to her last known address and chalk it up to a life lesson. waiting for her to do the right thing will just keep it on your mind longer.

[fairy74]

Re: ethical problem

find out how much it will be to ship it, email her the amount, she sends the money she gets the item, if not, not.

[cschin4]

Re: ethical problem

Yes, you can go the COD route, email the cost, etc. But, really, what will that accomplish other than keep you as a pawn in this 'relationship" that you no longer want and you said was hurtful. You can hold onto it, wait until you "get payment" or whatever. More than likely this person doesn't even really care about it if it has been over a year. How much would it cost to ship this? A few dollars, so what? You probably spend that on a cup of coffee. Move on.

[starving_student]

Re: ethical problem

Yes, you can go the COD route, email the cost, etc. But, really, what will that accomplish other than keep you as a pawn in this 'relationship" that you no longer want and you said was hurtful. You can hold onto it, wait until you "get payment" or whatever. More than likely this person doesn't even really care about it if it has been over a year. How much would it cost to ship this? A few dollars, so what? You probably spend that on a cup of coffee. Move on.

Well the problem is that I currently do not have any adress for her. She didn't leave any when she left (she was moving in with a friend and that was a temporary situation). I tried to search on the Website of the University she was supposed to study at with no sucess. I googled her with no sucess whatsoever.

So the item (a piece of art) is not so much as stake, as the fact that I would have to renew the whole conversation back (after... well over a year). I still have the same phone number & email, if she would have wished to contact me she could have done it easily.

Even in the email were she said: "ship it I will pay you back", she didn't give her adress (?!?!?!). Partly why I didn't send it at that time (what was she thinking?).

So as it as been a year, should I let sleeping dog lie and get rid of that thing one way or another. Or do I have an obligation to contact her and make the effort to send it wether it is at my expense or not? Or am I just worrying too much about little meaningless details?

[starving_student]

Re: ethical problem

So the item (a piece of art) is not so much as stake,

?

Meaning that I care myself little about it and the money I could get from it (while welcome) is not all that important.

Thanks for all your inputs! It is great to see things from a different perspective!

[benosayi]

Re: ethical problem

I would just leave it in the shed. If I needed the space I would throw it out. If she wanted it she would have made sure to send you the address. I think she is playing games and I would refuse to play.

[Broken Arrow]

Re: ethical problem

So as it as been a year, should I let sleeping dog lie and get rid of that thing one way or another. Or do I have an obligation to contact her and make the effort to send it wether it is at my expense or not? Or am I just worrying too much about little meaningless details?

This is just me speaking for myself, but if I actually gave my word to do something specific, I would do just that. So, it really depends on exactly what you told her in response to her request. At least, that's what it would come down to if I was in your shoes.

In my book, a man's word is the truest reflection his character, and I take my word very seriously.

I live by those Shakespearean words, "My honor is my life. Take honor from me, and my life is done." What can I say? I'm an old-fashioned fool that way. But the point is, if I promised to get it back to her, I would, regardless of the circumstance or the price. Please remember that just because she betrayed you, that doesn't necessarily mean you have to betray her back. But if I didn't promise anything, it could go straight to the trash for all I care.

[LuckyRobin]

Re: ethical problem

If she never gave you an address to ship it to, than its obvious you can't ship it anyway. If you know an address of phone number for her parents, I would try asking them for her current info, contact her, ask her if she still wants it and if so to send you $X for shipping and you will get it to her, otherwise you are going to dispose of it within 3 months. If there is no reply, than do so.

[poundwise]

Re: ethical problem

This is just me speaking for myself, but if I actually gave my word to do something specific, I would do just that. So, it really depends on exactly what you told her in response to her request. At least, that's what it would come down to if I was in your shoes.

In my book, a man's word is the truest reflection his character, and I take my word very seriously.

I, for one, appreciate this thought and attitude. It is one which is much more often spoken than utilized by people.

However, in the original post, the person left the object in another's care and was supposed to return to retrieve it in six months. It has been, according to the same post, a year and a half. I think it is in keeping with honoring one's word to be concerned about the matter still and to make some effort to contact the person and make arrangements for them to get it, either by coming to get it or paying for it to be shipped.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: ethical problem

Ill ditto BA, try the parents, try for an address, then donate it to the good will.

I had a book I borrowed, kept it for years while trying to track down the address of the origional owner, now I wish I were cool enough to have found it and returned it, but instead, I donated it. after years of cleaning house and being faced with reminders of my failure, I forgave myself, sent up a prayer of appology, and amendum to NEVER borrow something for more than a week (hard to lose a person in a week) I gave it up, and havn't really thought about it till this thread, meaning almost a year of peace when cleaning up.

do try your best to do the right thing (within limits, no hiring a PI!) then give it up knowing you did your best, and move on. The sooner you move on the better (for you) IMO

[Broken Arrow]

Re: ethical problem

do try your best to do the right thing (within limits, no hiring a PI!) then give it up knowing you did your best, and move on

Awww man, no seriously creepy stalking allowed? That's no fun.

[creditcardfree]

Re: ethical problem

Does she still have the email address? Try that first. Give her a final offer...ship at her expense or toss it out...let her decide. And give her a deadline.

No email or way to contact her...make the best judgement that you can live with.

[rob62521]

Re: ethical problem

Ditto!

Ditto again! I would say you should ask her to either come to retrieve it, prepay, or let you know what she wants you to do with it. And, I think you should give her a reasonable time limit...by this certain date if I do not hear from you I'm going to donate it to charity.