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ethical problem

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  • ethical problem

    A friend of mine moved about 1 1/2 - 2 years ago. She packed all her belongings in her car. She didn't have much room so she left me one valuable item that I was to keep until she came back (she was due to visit 6 months later but cancelled her trip at the last minute). She betrayed me, lied to me and I ended up badly hurt (unrelated story). I haven't been in contact with her at all for at least one year now. She emailed months ago, saying that I could ship the item and she will pay me back, I didn't know how to react at that time so I did nothing. She haven't emailed, phone or else about the item since (except only that one time).

    The thing is in my shed and is sort of an emotional weight. I could probably get about 35-40$ for it if I were to sold it on ebay but its emotional value for her is probably more.

    If I ship it that will be at my expense and I have little hope of getting my money back. She did't seem to care that much about the item in the first place as she was willing to leave it behind, and hasn't been insisting that much about getting it back (except for this one email).

    I already gave up on her friendship so this is not at stake here.

    What would you do?

  • #2
    Re: ethical problem

    Just ship it to her and move on with your life. Don't keep things that you are emotionally attached to if it makes you "stuck". Ship it at your expense and move on. Count the cost as a "life lesson".

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    • #3
      Re: ethical problem

      I agree with cschin4, ship it to her.!

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: ethical problem

        Ditto from me. Let her know you are big enough to act like it doesn't bother you. If she does reimburse you, thats a plus.
        But, I would ship it the cheapest way, get a return receipt and all--just incase she later claims you kept it.

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        • #5
          Re: ethical problem

          Require her to pre-pay for the shipping or ship it COD.

          No need to ignore her or sell it to settle an emotional betrayal, but there's nothing wrong with having money in hand before you ship.

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          • #6
            Re: ethical problem

            I agree with everyone else. No matter what became of your friendship, she left it with you with the understanding that you would return it. It isn't yours to sell or keep.
            Steve

            * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
            * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
            * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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            • #7
              Re: ethical problem

              Can you send it COD? Is there even such a thing any more?

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              • #8
                Re: ethical problem

                Ship it, but COD sounds good.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Re: ethical problem

                  Originally posted by cschin4
                  Just ship it to her and move on with your life. Don't keep things that you are emotionally attached to if it makes you "stuck". Ship it at your expense and move on. Count the cost as a "life lesson".
                  I agree

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                  • #10
                    Re: ethical problem

                    COD all the way. If it comes back you did your part, she already said she would pay for it, so let her do it COD to make sure you are not out that cost too. I'd also send an email so she know the COD is coming.

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                    • #11
                      Re: ethical problem

                      I vote for asking her to prepay the shipping cost (I believe the USPS Web Site has an on-line postage calculator) or shipping COD. I agree with everyone who has said it isn't yours to sell since you agreed to keep it for her. However, you have the right to free yourself of the emotional weight and I don't think you should be stuck with the shipping cost.

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                      • #12
                        Re: ethical problem

                        I had a similar situation. I had a boyfriend that moved across the country that stored some stuff in an extra bedroom I had. Some stuff from high school, a washer and dryer, random crap, really. We broke up 4 months later. Well, he said he would come get it. And backed out. And then said he would come get it. And backed out. Repeat four more times, for 6 more months.

                        Well, finally, he did come get it, and he let me sell the washer and dryer for keeping it unburned, off the front lawn, and relatively safe. Although, the washer and dryer wouldn't have burned very well anyway.

                        I would tell the ex-friend to come get it or pay for shipping up front. You've already put up with having it in your garage for so long. You shouldn't have to deal with shipping it. And give her a deadline, so you can eventually just throw it out when she never shows up.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Re: ethical problem


                          I wouldn't do anything with it until she sends you enough money to cover packing, shipping, and perhaps even your time. Period.

                          I'm not suggesting that you hold it for ransom or be vengeful here, just put the ball in her court. If she wants the item, the least she can do is pay the freight.

                          I think shipping it to her and expecting or hoping to be paid back is (a) setting yourself up for more hurt and (b) enabling her own irresponsible and/or bad behavior.

                          I don't think its too much to ask people to do normal, responsible stuff.

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                          • #14
                            Re: ethical problem

                            I concur with poundwise. You were decent enough to store it. She can be decent enough to send the funds to have it shipped!

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                            • #15
                              Re: ethical problem

                              Originally posted by PRICEPLUS
                              I concur with poundwise. You were decent enough to store it. She can be decent enough to send the funds to have it shipped!
                              Ditto!

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