Am I being cheap?

[shengmei]

Re: Am I being cheap?

The only birthday party that really matters is the 16-year-old birthday party.

That is just my two cents.

[justbee]

Re: Am I being cheap?

No, I don't think you are being cheap either. I once was guilted into doing a big party at a restaurant for my child's 1st birthday. I had paid for the cake setup for X number of kids, then a waitress came around and started asking guests what they would like for lunch.

I had to leave the party and go cash a check because I guess I was expected to pay for lunch too. Now that my kids are older they usually help me plan a theme party mainly for family and cousins only. The last one in June was a movie party at home.

[crazyBMB]

Re: Am I being cheap?

I'm glad there are other people who think/feel the same way. Our friends and family all agreed that this was not going to happen with us. We refuse to give in to any one on that. We all give the kids something simple and nice, of course our "little ones" are are all over 7 yrs old and have understood this idea for some time.

[Saving in So Cal]

Re: Am I being cheap?

My daughter turned 2 a few months ago. We took in some bright colored cupcakes for her daycare class. They loved them. The pictures of all the kids with icing on their faces were adorable and none of the parents minded. For her gift, my husband and I took her to a local aquarium because she loves fish. She had a great time.

Before her birthday, I was repeatedly asked what I was going to do and, when I told people, they all gave me strange looks. My interpretation of those looks was that they thought I didn't care enough about her to throw a party. The truth is I gave a lot of thought about what would make the day special for her in her mind and I think I hit the mark pretty well.

That being said, we went to a 2-year old party around the same time, which I thought was done really well. The parents invited a manageable number of kids and set up several "stations" in their house: a playdough station, a coloring station, a bubbles station, a Legos station, and a music station. The kids came and played at whatever station they wanted. The menu consisted of crackers, fruit, apple juice and a home made birthday cake. The decorations were balloons. It was simple, relatively inexpensive, and the kids had a blast. If I do a 3-year old party for my daughter, this is the model I am going to follow.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

Re: Am I being cheap?

My kids at two years old would not have liked the crowd of a party. They would have been miserable and then we the parents would have been miserable tending to them crying, freaking out, and trying to hide while at the same time we are trying to put on a party. It just would not have been practical or cognizant of the birthday boy's needs to have all that party hubbub.

Besides that, I do think parties for kids are often overdone. You are not cheap in my eyes. I think big parties for little kids are over the top, inappropriate, and might be a symptom of the parents being out of touch with their own children's needs and emotions.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Am I being cheap?

You know the thing I miss most about birthdays is the fun and the family.....It seems like you are supposed to throw a thousand dollarbash..with no extra money to invite the grandmas or the aunts or uncles..just the billion age mates...I dunno..we just do a family and friend party..and honestly leave the gifts at home, I would just like some family and fun..I'll make the cake, you sing ...

[amberfocus]

Re: Am I being cheap?

The amount of money that you spend on your kid's birthday parties is not an indication of how much you love him, no matter what certain other people like to insinuate.

What you're planning is perfectly fine. Show your kid your love by having enough money to send him to the college of his choice. That's what my family did for me.

[queenmamma]

I agree with you completely....my son will be 6 soon, and he has yet to have a big birthday, we have always just don the family thing with a decortive cake and maybe plates to match. Now that he is in kindergarden, I may go for chuckie cheese or something...but not in the past.

[InDebtInDC]

This thread begs the question: why do people celebrate birthdays with gifts, or just celebrate in general?

I know it goes back centuries, but what was the rationale behind all this? Is it just a ploy to get us to spend more money?


Some food for thought, in some non-Western cultures, the person celebrating the birthday is expected to throw a feast for everyone at the birthday person's expense.

[Coleroo]

no! you are not being cheap! you sound like you are doing exactly what i plan on doing for my son's birthdays (he's due in may of next year ). I plan on a big "home" party out in our patio for family when he turns one, but that'll only cost as much as hotdogs, ice cream and dollar store decorations. I also plan on putting money in his savings account and getting small gifts. I fully believe that huge, expensive parties are rediculous for children under the age of 5. I had a friend one time who said her friends rented a huge cabin in the mountains and all other lavish stuff with many invited guests for their daughter's 2 year old birthday. oh my gosh! i guess though if you have real money to burn, burn it like that...but if it puts you in debt or takes from savings, no way!

[simple987]

My sister in law does exactly what the original poster was talking about. When her kids were just infants/toddlers, she would throw elaborate parties that are catered, with themes, etc. She would starting planning a year beforehand and would talk about it nonstop. It didn't take a long time for me to understand that those parties are more for the parents to show off their kids and party-hosting skills.

[Ingtar17]

No need to throw a party your two year old will never remember. At that age they're just as happy at a party (and sometimes not) as a walk in the woods. Save the money. Friends who pressure you to do what you don't want to do are not friends at all.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

No. But if you want a party have it. My cousin had a ridiculously huge party for his 1 year old we're talking 500 people so a few thousand. Well as long as he's happy.

But for me, I had big parties because of my huge family. Eh, what can you do?

[cschin4]

I really think everyone should just do whatever they think works for them. However, i don't think we should criticize what other people are choosing either just because it isn't what we would do. I personally enjoy spending a few bucks and having a nice party for my kids. I have rented out the YMCA, had swim parties, movie parties, bowling parties, etc. Nothing elaborate just cake, pizza, pop, etc. But, by the time I add it up it usually amounts to a couple hundred bucks. However, we can easily afford it so it is just something we enjoy. I would not go into debt to throw a party though.
And, if your friend does throw these parties, please allow your son to go. He will have a good time. And, where else can your kid be entertained for several hours for the cost of a $5 gift. Parties are good, fun CHEAP entertainment to those attending.
I usually chose to have parties outside my home just because it is easier to manage the kids and I don't have to worry about them trashing my house!
But, I have also had home parties as well. I think the main thing is to make the day special. You can easily do this at home my setting a nice table, baking a special birthday cake, having the relatives over and so forth.

[FrugalFish]

The problem, as I see it, is this: How will your child know you love him if you don't throw an expensive party?

I find it horrifying that parents make such big ordeals out of little kids parties and dread when my DD is old enough to be invited to such parties. We have a lot of problems around this area with schools having a policy that a child can't have a birthday party unless they invite everyone in the class- I can't believe schools think they can dictate what goes on in our lives outside of school. I can see not passing out invites at school, but at the same time kids need to learn about coping with rejection. When DD is old enough for parties, we'll have a small get together with a few close friends and the heck with the school if they come after us afterwards because the kids are talking about what they did over the weekend and someone feels sad and left out (good luck coping in the real world, sister).

We do a birthday thing for our DD- she will be 2 in Feb and I don't know what we'll do yet, but it may just be a day trip for the 3 of us. For her 1st b-day we threw a family party- DH hung streamers and I blew up balloons (*gasp* I didn't buy a helium tank!) and also made a homemade cake. Everyone had fun, DD got overtired, but we were glad we did it. It was simple and cheap. Birthdays for kids (and parents) should be about memories and fun, to me a generic store-bought party, that looks like all the others, doesn't have quite the same memories or fun attached to it.