Same old story

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Here's my take on this:

When I started coming here and said I had a lot of debt, I got responses similar to the ones you are taking offense to. I had to do a lot of explaining and a lot of clarifying. It is simply because we don't know you and we don't know all the ins and outs. Since then, folks have calmed down a lot with me and I'm getting better advice that is more related to me. I think you will find the same. Please try not to take offense to some of these responses, even though I know that's hard to do. You are really reading with your heart right now. I think "taking charge" had your best interests in mind, but just maybe didn't say it the right way.

Just me being a Libra! Always playing the moderator.

Hey, I'm a Libra also!!!

I am only taking offense at the posts assuming I'm a criminal or that I do nothing but sit around all day and spend spend spend...wow...with all I've been through in the past 7 years with my little boy dying and my husband losing his entire life to an inmate (he was a co) I am now working full time and selling off my belongings...I realize I am still not making the right decisions so I've come here...I think this is putting me on the right track...my goal is not to just be out of debt...I want to see a million dollars before I die...lol

timetosave

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Good, we need a moderator. And I understand that it is hard to cut back if you don't know how. Take food, for example. I am not much of a cook. I don't know how to make meals for four people for under a $1 . Some of you do. I am a very picky eater. When you are the sole provider and you work all day, you don't want to come home and cook large portions of food to freeze for the week. I would rather spend a little more on food, and not have a cell phone. that is just me!
Just take it one step at a time.

I wish the cell phone could be gone...I did do a prepaid phone but that wound up being more expensive (minute per minute) than just getting a contract...thank you for the support.


timetosave

[TinyFish]

Re: Same old story

Not to re-hash the past, but what about going after those folks who ripped you off for the computer? You say the business that took the computers was 'legit'. I assume you mean by that that it exists. Can ebays fraud team help you any? Or the police maybe? I'm sure others on this forum or elsewhere might be able to help you with that. Yes, it is crummy that people ripped you off and helped get you into this mess, but maybe you can get some of it back. I'm shocked the bank didn't tell you the checks hadn't cleared, if you have that in writing, I'd bring that up with the bank managers.

I'm a little unclear from your statements what your exact situation is. I get the impression that the sheer NUMBER of bills is getting you in a bit of panic, which is why it is sometimes unclear what you are saying and why you want to consolidate so badly?

Do you have enough money coming in to cover all of your debt payments at least? That's the first issue.

After that, if you only spent the absolute minimum on your debts and the absolute minimum you can on your daily expenses (no eating out, finding cheap ways to get kid clothes etc...), do you have any money left? If so, that should be applied to your debt. First pay off the outstanding stuff, get that current. Then you can pay off either the debt with the highest rate or the smallest debt, depending on your philosophy. Does that help any?

What about your husband? I know you say you are trying to not have him involved, but if he's able to carry a house and car payment on disability, he's probably pretty financially savvy, can he advise you? Not clear why all your expenses and worries are so seperate from his. If he's one of the four who is eating, maybe he should help figure out how to reduce the food budget, etc. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation.

-TinyFish

[Ima saver]

Re: Same old story

Well, I don't need a cell phone, but you do. Also, what you need is some support from your husband and you don't seem to be getting any.Why won't he give you some help?

[Homebody]

Re: Same old story

Tiny Fish, I think you bring up a good point about the fraud and the husband. I know what it is like to have a husband not "on board". Thankfully mine has come around over the years.

I took the checks to mean they were like counterfeit and forged or something. I had something similar happen to me only they were counterfeit forged checks on my checking account. Thankfully our bank reimbused us for over $1800.00 since they cashed the checks themselves even though they were cashed in Los Angeles and we are at the opposite end of the state.

[autoxer]

Re: Same old story

I understand that a car and a cell phone are important. But they don't have to cost so much. I bought a car for $1750 and it is perfectly reliable. A few years ago, I bought a nice Honda for $2000 that ran perfectly until I had a little accident. My cell phone only costs me $45/month. Anything more than that and it becomes a luxury. I know it is very costly to get out of a lease, but how much longer does the lease last?

I sit up at night trying to figure out who I can borrow money to get me out of debt

Borrowing money doesn't get you out of debt. You need to focus on your spending habits to get ahead. It was a real eyeopener for me to track my spending for a month & tally everything up to see where I was actually spending all of my money. That made it a lot easier to cut back.

[TinyFish]

Re: Same old story

That's what I understood about the checks too, but surely there is some legal recourse if she can get a hold of these people? Otherwise, why would we not all just write bad checks all over the place? Maybe she's already tried this, but since it sounds like some of the bad situation and a lot of paralyzing anger comes from this source, maybe addressing it would bring some relief, emotionally if not financially.

I'm a little unclear on the husband situation. I was under the impression that there is a previous husband, who may or may not be providing some money towards the kids upkeep, and now the current husband, who is disabled and is covering the house, insurance, and one car payment, but whom she cannot/does not want to tap for anything else in the way of support. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. It is a complicated situation to be sure.

BTW, what is a 'chargeoff' in this context? Is that the amount owed on the cards? Do you have a breakdown of minimum montly payments for all of this? Maybe someone could help summarize, since I'm very unclear as to how much debt there is total, what form it takes and what the minimum payments are. It is hard to advise without knowing the whole story, as painful as I'm sure it is.

-TinyFish

[Ima saver]

Re: Same old story

I was hoping some one could explain charge off to me too? This is really complicated!

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Not to re-hash the past, but what about going after those folks who ripped you off for the computer? You say the business that took the computers was 'legit'. I assume you mean by that that it exists. Can ebays fraud team help you any? Or the police maybe? I'm sure others on this forum or elsewhere might be able to help you with that. Yes, it is crummy that people ripped you off and helped get you into this mess, but maybe you can get some of it back. I'm shocked the bank didn't tell you the checks hadn't cleared, if you have that in writing, I'd bring that up with the bank managers.

The checks were counterfeit drawn against a business that really exist...because they were counterfiet I can not go after the company and the person who used it is nowhere to be found. Local law enforcement informed me that they do not have the resources to go after people they will never find and there are no laws that protect me locally. I did the FBI internet fraud report...got me NOWHERE...waste of time...no recourse period...sad but true. As far as the teller stating I would know by now if the checks were not clear...I brought that up to the bank manager who informed me his tellers would never tell me that...btw...with both accounts I lost relationships with the banks that I have been with for over 10 years, that hurt in many ways.
I'm a little unclear from your statements what your exact situation is. I get the impression that the sheer NUMBER of bills is getting you in a bit of panic, which is why it is sometimes unclear what you are saying and why you want to consolidate so badly?

Do you have enough money coming in to cover all of your debt payments at least? That's the first issue.

I live paycheck to paycheck and really can figure out why

After that, if you only spent the absolute minimum on your debts and the absolute minimum you can on your daily expenses (no eating out, finding cheap ways to get kid clothes etc...), do you have any money left? If so, that should be applied to your debt. First pay off the outstanding stuff, get that current. Then you can pay off either the debt with the highest rate or the smallest debt, depending on your philosophy. Does that help any?

This is what I have to put in motion...I will sit down at work Monday and fiugre it out...so I will focus on getting that car payment up to date and forget the credit report until I do...hopefully Sallie Mae will let me defer payments for a while

What about your husband? I know you say you are trying to not have him involved, but if he's able to carry a house and car payment on disability, he's probably pretty financially savvy, can he advise you? Not clear why all your expenses and worries are so seperate from his. If he's one of the four who is eating, maybe he should help figure out how to reduce the food budget, etc. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation.

My husband will not help. Nor should he have to. He pays all the household expenses which mounts up...financially savvy...not really he got a settlement for one hundred thousand dollars and blew threw it in 3 months...I begged him to invest in a rental property or something...would not listen...but does pay his bills on time...never seems to have anything left either. Our expenses have always been seperate...we have never had that type of relationship.-TinyFish

Thank you for your help...quite a bit here definately will work. I am almost getting excited about getting out of debt.

timetosave

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

Well, I don't need a cell phone, but you do. Also, what you need is some support from your husband and you don't seem to be getting any.Why won't he give you some help?

The million dollar question...but I have to take responsibility for my actions so this will only make me stronger.

timetosave

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

I understand that a car and a cell phone are important. But they don't have to cost so much. I bought a car for $1750 and it is perfectly reliable. A few years ago, I bought a nice Honda for $2000 that ran perfectly until I had a little accident. My cell phone only costs me $45/month. Anything more than that and it becomes a luxury. I know it is very costly to get out of a lease, but how much longer does the lease last?

Borrowing money doesn't get you out of debt. You need to focus on your spending habits to get ahead. It was a real eyeopener for me to track my spending for a month & tally everything up to see where I was actually spending all of my money. That made it a lot easier to cut back.

I will actually start tracking my spending on the 24th...I think this will really be an eye opener for me...I will also post what I'm doing here if you guys don't mind so I can get some feedback

timetosave

[timetosave]

Re: Same old story

That's what I understood about the checks too, but surely there is some legal recourse if she can get a hold of these people? Otherwise, why would we not all just write bad checks all over the place? Maybe she's already tried this, but since it sounds like some of the bad situation and a lot of paralyzing anger comes from this source, maybe addressing it would bring some relief, emotionally if not financially.

Unfortunately there is no legal recourse against them...I don't even know who they really are...I fought it for almost a year...no matter where I tried to turn I could not get any recourse.

I'm a little unclear on the husband situation. I was under the impression that there is a previous husband, who may or may not be providing some money towards the kids upkeep, and now the current husband, who is disabled and is covering the house, insurance, and one car payment, but whom she cannot/does not want to tap for anything else in the way of support. Maybe I'm misunderstanding. It is a complicated situation to be sure.

No previous husband, this is my first marriage and his. My husbands disability covers all the house expenses and his car payment...that is a huge burden so I can't say he is not helping...I'm lucky in that...this is why I was able to stay home for 6 years (and ruin my credit while I was at it). It is really not a matter of trapping him with my debts...it is more a matter of taking ownership of this mess myself...not relying on anybody else to do it for me...if I don't start doing this now where will I be in 10 years?

BTW, what is a 'chargeoff' in this context? Is that the amount owed on the cards? Do you have a breakdown of minimum montly payments for all of this? Maybe someone could help summarize, since I'm very unclear as to how much debt there is total, what form it takes and what the minimum payments are. It is hard to advise without knowing the whole story, as painful as I'm sure it is.

A chargeoff is when the credit card company is tired of waiting for you to pay your bill and tired of calling you all the time. They charge off the debt and turn it over to a colleciton company...there are no monthly payments set up with the colleciton companies yet.
-TinyFish

I hope I've cleared up some things for you. Your input is appreciated.

timetoshare

[autoxer]

Re: Same old story

Charge off is when the creditor writes off the debt as uncollectible. That is what tanked the credit score and why she can't get any new loans.

[lrjohnson]

Re: Same old story

Timetosave, I'm proud of you; you started getting a little defensive because of some posts (it's hard to post the details of your life finances in 3 paragraphs), but the important part is you didn't let it throw you...you've decided that either they misunderstood, or that you were going to ignore certain posters and listen to the rest of us...whichever it was, you're on track.

Do you use Excel at all? Any spreadsheet? It would be nice for your own knowledge, as well as those of us posting, if you really broke down in a list the monthly expenses you have plus the periodic expenses average to a monthly level. Then, list the minimum monthly payments on all these bills, and % interest on each. You can begin, with our help if you want it, to make sure that 1) you live within you means to not incur additional debt and 2) have a solid plan to pay off your current debt.

I would ask this, re: husband: Does he pay as much as you do to the household overall? I understand more than most, perhaps, having a long-term partner where finances are not comingled. But My Guy and I, despite separate income/separate accounts, do each pay exactly half to the overall running of the household. If your husband is not giving the same total dollars, there is a problem. If he can not, due to inability to make more $ due to disability, he needs to be putting in extra in other ways to contribute to the house, such as household tasks that save money.

[TinyFish]

Re: Same old story

"This is what I have to put in motion...I will sit down at work Monday and fiugre it out...so I will focus on getting that car payment up to date and forget the credit report until I do...hopefully Sallie Mae will let me defer payments for a while"



Wooo hoo, sounds like a plan of action! Houston, we have liftoff! That's the ticket, get a clear idea of what your minimum payments all are and focus on getting them current. After all, what does it matter what your credit score is, if you are making it worse day-by-day with late payments? Plus, hopefully you won't need any more loans, since you are going to work on that debt and you are going to WIN, right? That's a big first step.

Meanwhile, don't put anything more on the credit cards! I'd say cut them all up, but you probably don't have an emergency fund, so I guess maybe keep one but stick it in the freezer, or keep yourself away from it somehow. You need to get everything paid up before you even think about using cards again.

Once you have all your minimum payments down in black and white, come back here and people can help you with the rest of your budgeting. Maybe you need a new strategy like the envelope method or paying yourself first.

Here is a tip: If you are finding just the NUMBER of bills overwhelming, maybe you can get some of them auto-deducted. Of course, you still have to know what they are and budget for them, but you may find that easier to deal with if it is the paperwork that is holding you back.

Good luck with the first babysteps on Monday.

-TinyFish