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    At what age, do you give your kids....

    their orginal birth certificate, social security card, immunization record, passport, savings account book and other such important paperwork????

    My mom gave me a package of all the above shortly after I married. (I lived at home until I married). I'm responsible, never lost it, still have it......

    My husband, who is slightly older than I am.......STILL doesn't have his. His mother does. She refuses to give it. If he asks, she says "why do you need it", "what for", or "I can take it to them myself"...

    At this point, I will add, we are over 50 years old....

    Husband years ago had to run all over, pay fees and get copies of all the above because his mother refused to give it to him, even though he needed it to get married, get a car license, get a job.....

    Now, we seem to have misplaced his birth certificate copy that he had (actually is isn't misplaced, its just where we can't get to it right now-in a bank box 2 hours away), and again, his mother says "why do you need it?" NONE of her business!!! So, although she lives 20 minutes away, I have to run to town and pay $12 to get another copy of it.

    His siblings don't have their either--she has it all. She claims it is her duty as the parent to keep it......

    OJ, I am done venting, but still upset! So tired of her control issues!!

    #2
    Must be aggravating.

    My own mom gave me things as I came to need them. The last thing to come into my possession was my immunization record when I needed it for a job in my mid twenties. I'm sure she would have given it to me sooner had either of us even thought of it.

    My own son? I really don't know when we gave him what. I guess, like my own mother, I gave him things as he needed them. Or, rather, he just went to the file cabinet and got them. So when he left home at 18 he would have had that stuff. I do have an official copy of his birth certificate, though. But he does, too.

    I'd just totally forget that your MIL has copies of anything. Just act as though she doesn't and have what you need regardless. If your husband has to get a new passport, I think he will be asked where the previous is, as it is expected that you will turn over a partially destroyed, soiled, expired, or full one. I wonder if MIL could have legal problems connected to holding his passport without his permission.
    "There is some ontological doubt as to whether it may even be possible in principle to nail down these things in the universe we're given to study." --text msg from my kid

    "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." --Frederick Douglass

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      #3
      Originally posted by Joan.of.the.Arch View Post
      Must be aggravating.

      My own mom gave me things as I came to need them. The last thing to come into my possession was my immunization record when I needed it for a job in my mid twenties. I'm sure she would have given it to me sooner had either of us even thought of it.

      My own son? I really don't know when we gave him what. I guess, like my own mother, I gave him things as he needed them. Or, rather, he just went to the file cabinet and got them. So when he left home at 18 he would have had that stuff. I do have an official copy of his birth certificate, though. But he does, too.

      I'd just totally forget that your MIL has copies of anything. Just act as though she doesn't and have what you need regardless. If your husband has to get a new passport, I think he will be asked where the previous is, as it is expected that you will turn over a partially destroyed, soiled, expired, or full one. I wonder if MIL could have legal problems connected to holding his passport without his permission.
      He even had to repeat some of his childhool immunizations because he had no immunization record....

      Comment


        #4
        Your husband is over 50 and his mommy still holds all of his important papers for him? Are you serious? I'd say that is about 30 years too long. Once he was no longer living in the same house, those things should all have been in his possession. He needs to tell mommy he is a big boy now and can take care of them himself.
        Steve

        * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
        * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
        * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

        Comment


          #5
          Same as others, I was given pretty much all of that type of paperwork when I graduated high school and went to college. Even as a child, I knew where my family kept all of those documents, and when I needed something (like my shot records for a sports physical), I went and got it. Shoot, I've kept my own passport since I was 9 or 10 years old and started traveling on my own for school trips or to see family (though in fairness I'm an exception, having grown up overseas). Honestly, I don't see how anyone can function as an independent adult without having all of those critical documents in their possession.
          "Praestantia per minutus" ... "Acta non verba"

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
            Your husband is over 50 and his mommy still holds all of his important papers for him? Are you serious? I'd say that is about 30 years too long. Once he was no longer living in the same house, those things should all have been in his possession. He needs to tell mommy he is a big boy now and can take care of them himself.
            He has told her, to the point that for awhile they quit speeking. If he were to go and try to get them himself, he would probably be charged with breaking and entering (he has no key to her home) and he doesn't know where to even look-they may be in a bank box he has no access to.

            She also has his siblings info as well, and same arguments with them.

            She controls EVERYTHING, holidays, crashes parties she is not invited too, got mad when the church painted a classroom (she was not even the teacher of that room) and went and repainted it a different color, calls my husband at work (he is not to get calls) numerous times each shift--boss changed the number and she called the work operator and got the new number. It is getting worse, I call it a mental illness. She has always been liket this but the last 5 years is even worse.

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              #7
              *speaking...for some reason it won't let me edit..

              Comment


                #8
                When she asks your husband why he needs his paperwork does he give her an answer? Something like, "I need it so that I can apply for a job." Or, "I need it because I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow." What is his mother's response to that?
                Brian

                Comment


                  #9
                  Originally posted by bjl584 View Post
                  When she asks your husband why he needs his paperwork does he give her an answer? Something like, "I need it so that I can apply for a job." Or, "I need it because I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow." What is his mother's response to that?
                  When he asked for it when he needed it so that we could get our marriage license, her response was she would just meet us at the courthouse....(she lives in a different county). That was when he just went and got a copy of it on his own. But, the orginal she has is a longer form, has genealogy info and his footprints on it--would be nice to have that one instead of the 1/2 page one they give you now.

                  When he asked for his immunization record, she wanted to meet him at the doctor with it (he had to have it to get his hep shots for being a volunteer medic). He told her never mind, and contacted his high school who dug part of it up from microfishe, and he then had to repeat some of the shots to fill in the blanks.

                  (on a side note, recently he had a dr appt and his mom was also there for an appointment the same day-we ran into her in the waiting room. When they called my husbands name, she got up and was going back with him. Got very angry when he told her no, then told me to come on with him. She created quite a scene in the waiting room. Normally I don't go with the husband, but just to get her beef he called me back....although sometimes I do as I am the one who usually monitors his blood sugar, and I had issues with the machine, so for those visits I went with him to learn the new machine and how to calibrate it better)

                  When he asked for his passport (which he did not give to her, and he didn't even get it until after he was married to wife #1) she told him he didn't need to be going where he was planning on going, it wasn't safe (it was for a work trip). He reported it stolen-which pretty much was true, as she took it from our home-he thinks, she got it when he caught her going through his first wifes desk the day before the funeral. She called it "cleaning up for company'. She also has his first wifes passport and that is the desk they were both kept in.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I'm guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg with his mother. Sounds like she has some "problems." Maybe she is the original helicopter parent.
                    "There is some ontological doubt as to whether it may even be possible in principle to nail down these things in the universe we're given to study." --text msg from my kid

                    "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." --Frederick Douglass

                    Comment


                      #11
                      This certainly crosses into mental illness. I'd suggest he just report all of those documents as lost and get them replaced so he doesn't have to deal with her anymore. He may never see the originals until she passes away.

                      Either that or he and his siblings need to band together, show up at her house and demand that she return their personal belongings and refuse to leave until she does. There is no way in hell I'd tolerate that type of behavior.
                      Steve

                      * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                      * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                      * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Yeah, this is beyond unreasonable behavior. I would just get new copies of all the documents and then keep them closer to you (bank deposit box or something where his mother can't get access) than the place that was two hours away, so you don't have to rely on his mother for any of the documents anymore. It really does seem like she might have some serious issues with letting go of the past or she might possibly have some condition. I just don't understand how a family with multiple children would have all of the siblings put up with this. Do they just not find it incredibly invasive or unreasonable at this late of a stage in their lives?

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                          #13
                          When she passes, your husband should withhold the death certificate from her!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            This is crazy and controlling beyond belief.

                            But I think legally, she has no right to hold on to some of these documents. SS card belongs to the adult whose name is there. And passport is the property of US government, and it is illegal for anyone but the government to take it away from the person it was issued to.

                            I think you should sue her, just to have her smacked by the judge and have someone else, who she can't bully, tell her what a crazy bat she is.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              I think at the age of 18, So your kids would be responsible enough to take care of important papers.

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