Baby Car fight

[LivingAlmostLarge]

My DH is a great guy, but we have one argument that we've been having for about 10 years. Yep since we met.

So my DH has a 2000 Ford Focus ZX3 Hatchback 2 dr. I've always loathed the car and honestly it's a POS. We've spent a fortune fixing it, and I can honestly say the car sucks.

I have a 99 Toyota Corolla VE, boring and plain. Yep practical, efficient, barely needing maintenance.

My DH hates it. Says that it's boring and not fun to drive.

So now we have our first baby on the way. We both agree that maybe we should consider getting a newer car. Problem?

I think we should get something bigger. We're not talking SUV, but I'd like something even just a camry or accord size, a size up sedan, NOT a compact car anymore. Actually I'd love a station wagon like subaru outback, not impreza.

My DH thinks we just need the same size car but 4 drs. He wants a toyota matrix or mazda 3 or subaru impreza.

I don't see the point in spending money on the same size car we have now to just change out again in 2 years when we have kid #2.

So we're at an impasse. We can't seem to come to terms over what type of car to get.

We're sort of at the point of not getting a car until the baby comes and my DH finally see what size car seats are, strollers, etc. Then we'll have a fight in Feb as I guarantee it.

The second part of the impasse, I pointed out tonight, that if we got rid of the crappy Ford Focus, is that he's commuting in the Corolla he hates, while I would probably be the one driving the baby more in the newer car.

When he realized this he slammed the brakes on selling his POS car. Explain to me why I should sell my Corolla which has barely any repairs, and even the mechanic we take our cars too has said "lowest maintenance cars of all! If you ever want to sell I'd buy yours." Versus POS ford focus which this year alone we had to replace the springs/struts/suspensions on his newer car than mine.

How do I change his mind? What sort of car do we really need? Are we fine with two compact cars? Will we have a fight in Feb?

I'd love to buy a new car this year with the incentives, but we are so stuck.

[disneysteve]

Is your car 2-door or 4-door? If 2-door, it needs to go. Getting a car seat in and out of a 2-door car is certainly possible but rather difficult and potentially dangerous to your back. Those suckers are heavy, especially when the baby is in them.

I don't see the point in spending money on the same size car we have now to just change out again in 2 years when we have kid #2.

Let's focus on this point, because I think it is the most important thing in your post. The cars you have can accommodate one child. The bigger question is what happens when there are two. Depending on the car and the carseats, you may or may not be able to get two carseats in there securely. In my car, a 1998 Toyota Camry, the only place my daughter's car seat fit snug and secure was in the center of the back seat, which killed using the right or left side for another car seat. In fact, it made it pretty tough to put a passenger back there unless it was for a short trip in the neighborhood because you were shoved up against the car seat.

That said, you need to keep something in mind. A Corolla today is way bigger than a Corolla was in 1999. They are more the size that a Camry was back then. So "upgrading" from a Corolla to a Corolla might work just fine.

[disneysteve]

Another thing you need to consider is cargo space. Do you guys have any friends with babies? Get together with them some time and try and get a full size stroller into your trunk. If you know somebody with a double stroller, even better. Put one of those in the Corolla trunk and hopefully your husband will realize that you having a kid or two, the stroller and diaper bag in there would make it impossible for you to do something like go grocery shopping and no way could you take a vacation with luggage.

This is why God invented the minivan.

[creditcardfree]

Definitely, give the decision time. Both of you are facing a major change in your life...a new baby. It is a big adjustment in many ways.

[disneysteve]

Another thing to mention: Once you have a baby, you will find yourself getting together with other moms for playgroups or whatever. You will want a vehicle large enough to get 2 moms and 2 babies and stuff for 2 babies all in one car. Otherwise, any time you go out with a friend, you have to take 2 cars.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

You know when I could have used a different car? When I was pregnant! My belly was right up against the steering wheel, touching it I mean. And it hurt even though it was only the tiniest pressure. Heck, my own pants hurt my belly at that point.

I like the above advice, but I want anyone struggling (I know you aren't) to know that you can get by with a 2-door compact and car seats as long as it is only one baby. We did, anyway. We had a Toyota Tercel. We even managed to do the grocery shopping, fit the stroller in (not such a super deluxe all-terrain vehicle as seems to be more common nowadays), and go on roads trips together. Yes, it was hard to get the car seat in and out, but mostly we left it securely in place anyway. If we'd had a second child, we could not have coped well. I think literally a second car seat would not fit. Even just getting the baby out safely without the car seat called for good balance and a good back, so if either of you is lacking in those, I'd say don't take the chance.

Hey, while you are looking a a friend's vehicle, and carseats maybe run an experiment by putting 4-5 five pound bags of flour into a car seat and seeing how well you can handle getting that "baby" in and out of both your cars. If I remember right, mine weighed 20# at four months and he sure as heck was not ready to crawl into that seat on his own power. Wonder how much he weighed at six or seven months.( Don't recall.) You might want to stack 6-7 bags of flour into that car seat and see how your back holds out putting the seat in and out. Now put all those flour bags into a big garbage bag and lift them together in and out of the secured car seat in the safest spot in the car, the middle of the back seat.

[sandrark]

Can you rent the cars you're considering, including car seats? I know many rental car places will do so for traveling parents.

It would be one way to see the issue of two car seats visually for your DH - one things that makes my husband assess things more carefully, since I'm abstract, and he's visual.

Personally, if he likes HIS car, I'd sell the Corolla. You already have a buyer, and he LIKES his POS. He'll be losing all sorts of control soon enough - at least let him choose what he gets to drive. It is not a fight worth fighting, IMO, if your DH wants to keep his current car, no matter how irrational you may think it to be. Frankly, I'd leave it alone if you get something you like, that will work for 2 kids in a couple of years.

Interestingly enough, when DH and I discuss things, and I present them without a "stake" in the fight, he's happy to HEAR the logic. If you stop fighting, you might find that your DH is so grateful for your lack of controlling pushiness, that he volunteers to sell it.

In our house, whoever cares more, wins. Since we're both fair people, it's been a good rule of thumb.

Sandi

[LivingAlmostLarge]

The ford focus is 2 dr hatchback. Toyota Corolla is a compact, 4 dr sedan.

I am NOT keeping a POS car that we have to KEEP pumping $1-2k/year to run! NO F*(&*(& way. I am not giving up a Toyota Corolla which costs $100/year to run for a CRAPPY POS.

That makes NO financial sense. It doesn't matter if we can afford it, I am NOT wasting money on CRAP. I could easily take that $1k and stick it in a college fund.

Maybe this is pregnancy hormones speaking, but my DH needs to suck it up and start manning up. We have a baby on the way and I'm getting irritated with this boy bull&*(&.

I don't blow money on wasteful stuff at all. I'm even looking at used baby stuff.

But I will definitely take into consideration people's recommendations. We have friends with babies and I want to try and borrow the carseat and stroller for just one day. And fit it in both cars.

I don't know who will be picking up and dropping off the baby. I will assume it will be me mostly but it won't be 100%.

So if it's not 100%, he's going to drive MY corolla because he has the baby? He's being Dumb and I basically told him so. I'm not usually so mean to him, but he's really pissing me off.

I'm willing to consider used cars as well. I have no issue buying a used car, but I want him to buy a bigger used car.

This is utter BS that we're going to WASTE money on a POS car.

[tzsgti]

OK you are are on the right track. A subaru Legacy is a great practical car. Has alot of room and alot of cargo room. I definetly agree with moving on to a bigger car. I see you are smart for not thinking an SUV automaticly because there really is no exucse for one. The cars i would definetly suggest is Camry, accord and if you are buying new definetly look a the 2009 Sonata. You can pick them up for really cheap and 4-5k less then a comparable accord and camry. You also get a great warranty and they have proven to be reliable. They come with everything that you get in the camry plus better fuel economy and great ride.

And if you do want a minvian ( i personally think its not needed for one or two kids) I wouldnt go with anything other then the new Mazda5 which is a 7 seater mini minivan. It goes for around 18k and is supposed to be really good. You will definetly not have a hard time lifting the baby into that car. My sister has it and i was impressed.

[LivingAlmostLarge]

I forgot that we have two dogs that we take everywhere. Every weekend the dog park. To the store to walk and chill out. We take them on vacations.

Them + baby = no fitting in either car.

I'm not that fond of a SUV, i'd rather have a minivan to be honest. But we don't need one, at least not until #2 + 2 dogs and family and friends at that point.

If it matters when we have #2, i'd like to sell the corolla and get a minivan.

So we'd have a midsize sedan/wagon and a minivan for kids 3 and 4. I think it would work.

[tzsgti]

I forgot that we have two dogs that we take everywhere. Every weekend the dog park. To the store to walk and chill out. We take them on vacations.

Them + baby = no fitting in either car.

I'm not that fond of a SUV, i'd rather have a minivan to be honest. But we don't need one, at least not until #2 + 2 dogs and family and friends at that point.

If it matters when we have #2, i'd like to sell the corolla and get a minivan.

So we'd have a midsize sedan/wagon and a minivan for kids 3 and 4. I think it would work.

So if you are taking the dogs places i would seriously look into a wagon or that small Minivan i mentioned. A small wagon like a legacy would do for the dogs as well.

[MonkeyMama]

Honestly, I think both cars are fine - I wouldn't mess with it. It's a fight I would put off until the future. The car may die and it could be moot - who knows.

The only thing I can agree with is you want 4 doors. But if you primarily drive the baby in your car - can't say it matters having a second 2-door. IT's certainly workable - if he wants to do the carseat maneuvering.

We have 2 kids and a subcompact (4-door) and are perfectly happy with it. 2001 Ford Escort actually. We'd be fine with 2 subcompacts. IF we want to carpool with anyone - everyone else around here has a honking SUV anyway.

Our kids are tall and I may rethink the "would be happy with 2 subcompact" thing when they are teenagers. I'll give you that. As kids, they don't take up any room in the back.

Anyway, my dh and I had a similar fight. I bought a convertible out of college and my dh was always, "what about when we have kids?" which I envisioned was like 8 years down the road. Was he serious? Oh - and he will drive nothing larger than a subcompact. So when he replaced his clunker a couple of years later he went for a 4-door subcompact with LATCH, etc. Whateveh. We ended up having kids a year later - so it worked out. He nagged me and nagged me about how unpractical my convertible was. I told him I didn't need to drive the baby anywhere so get over it. Long story short, I finally sold the convertible when my baby was a few months old. I never had the intention to put my baby in that car. He was right but I fought it to the bitter end. & really, we could have just never put the child in the convertible - yeesh. I Was just more open to a more practical second vehicle once I Was knee deep in baby. After a few months of not being able to use the second vehicle for the baby - ever...

Anyway, my dh loves subcompacts too. I wouldn't knock it as a commuter car. We use ours on road trips, etc., but no dogs. IT would suffice as a backup car if you primarily drove the kid in your car. If the car is so small that the carseat doesn't fit in the back, he'll probably cave, eventually.

We definitely bought smaller carseats and strollers than average. The average person around here buys huge carseats and strollers - they NEED SUVs for those. Doesn't mean everyone with kids needs a big car.

[disneysteve]

I know it isn't the "cool" way to go, but I can't say enough good things about our minivans (we're on our 3rd). I can't imagine anything more convenient, especially when there is one or more children involved. There is a ton of space for both passengers and cargo. Being able to remove seats as needed to fit in more stuff is great. Being able to transport more people (seats 7 comfortably) is great. Being able to have the front seat passenger slip between the seats to get to the baby if there was a problem was great. Lots of floor space to let the baby play or change the baby if you're on a long trip.

Our daughter is almost 14 and we still have a minivan. When it dies, we will most likely get another one. In fact, I would want a minivan even if we didn't have a kid at home.

[MonkeyMama]

We now have a minivan too. We use it to lug bikes and camping gear. BEyond that I would be happy with the subcompact. I find it easier to get the kids in and out of the subcompact, honestly. I have to climb all the way in the van to get them in and out. I guess I like minivans for "stuff," don't really see the point for "people.""

[disneysteve]

We now have a minivan too. We use it to lug bikes and camping gear. BEyond that I would be happy with the subcompact. I find it easier to get the kids in and out of the subcompact, honestly. I have to climb all the way in the van to get them in and out. I guess I like minivans for "stuff," don't really see the point for "people.""

We found it far easier with a baby. My wife is small, 5'1". It was really tough for her to reach into the back seat of my Camry and pull out the carseat. With the van, she could get in and lift it out without bending at some awkward angle and twisting her back.

My wife is also a bit paranoid when it comes to parking lot safety. When DD was young, there were a lot of car-jacking stories in the news around here. With a van, she could climb in with baby and shut the door behind her while she was strapping the baby in. With the car, she'd have to stand there with the door open and her back to the lot while she did everything. She didn't feel nearly as safe that way since she couldn't see if anyone was coming up behind her.