20k in CC debt and feeling hopeless

**Gailete** · 06-02-2017, 04:06 PM

Your post didn't indicate when your lay off came and how long you have been off. How were you doing on paying off your debts up to the point of the layoff? Did you not get unemployment after being laid off?

We don't know if everything is going to be okay, but I would suggest that you come clean to your folks about your debt and circumstances. You say that you are living for 'free' now. You are not. your parents are paying for you. You should offer them an amount that is what it really costs them for room and board. Even if they don't want the money, ask them to keep it and if necessary pay it into one of your debts or into their retirement funds. I hope it is not necessary to say make sure you are doing your share of the chores and not sliding back into most 9-year old behavior of needed to be reminded to take the garbage out, etc.

You just now started a new job and don't even have a paycheck yet, so I would wait to make big plans until you know that you will be keeping it, especially since it appears that some of your pay will be dependent on job performance. I would not recommend a personal loan and I'm not sure where you would get one at this point with that sort of debt, following a layoff and just starting a new job.

According to the numbers you gave, half of your take home at this point could be dumped on your bills, although, I would fund an emergency fund with about $1000 first and be sure that before any of it is spent that it is literally an emergency. I hadn't heard of Banana Republic as a credit card before so I looked it up on line. I'm assuming that you are using their Visa card that allows you to shop for more than clothes since close to $6000 in charges on clothes alone is excessive. Especially since it is the highest interest rate card.

On your credit card statement, they should show you how much you need to pay monthly to get the card paid off in 3 years, try to pay that amount on each bill. If you can't try to pay more than the minimum each month and stop charging!

You can get out of this but it means a lot of work

**panthers88** · 06-02-2017, 04:33 PM

I got laid off in early February of this year. I was going through some personal issues prior to that and had made nearly no progress on the 17k. Unemployment started coming in around mid march and I was using almost all of what I was getting for bills. I just can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm missing out on big things in life bc most of my money is going to credit cards. That's where I fall back into old habits and struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I don't seem to know how to realize it won't always be this way if I work hard instead of focusing on what I might be missing or could already have. I'm going to offer my parents some rent money but I don't know if I should tell them about the debt for their well being. This debt just constantly eats at me and it has even started impacting other areas of my life such as thinking women won't stay with me when they find out I have this burden. This is mental torture and I'm sure anyone who has been in my shoes or worse knows that feeling is awful. It's hard for me to look in the mirror and feel proud of who I am.

**Gailete** · 06-02-2017, 05:37 PM

Originally posted by panthers88 View Post

I'm going to offer my parents some rent money but I don't know if I should tell them about the debt for their well being. This debt just constantly eats at me and it has even started impacting other areas of my life such as thinking women won't stay with me when they find out I have this burden. This is mental torture and I'm sure anyone who has been in my shoes or worse knows that feeling is awful. It's hard for me to look in the mirror and feel proud of who I am.

Sounds like you need to find someone to talk to. Others here have dug out from worse debt. I have dug out from worse debt. One thing you can't do is slide back into old habits and spending money on the things that don't satisfy. I don't think you should be trying to get involved with a woman at this point unless you have a nice long list of cheap dates. That means that any lady that wants to be with you has to be willing and patient while you dig out from all this. Of course, you don't want to introduce yourself to her and then spill that you are $20K in debt, but I'm sure at this point you can point out the ladies that spend a lot to keep themselves in style. They may look like what you want, but you proably can't afford them. Many very nice woman are overlooked for all the wrong reasons. But to get involved, moving in together and sharing money - absolutely not. My personal peeve is couples that one is working like a dog to get the other out of debt when they don't even have a commitment of marriage. I've seen young ladies come here wanting to help honey get out of debt and they seem to be throwing everything at it that they have, yet 'honey' just doesn't seem to care about the debt. I feel so bad because all the money that he or she dumps on their honey's debt can never be returned or replaced.

Instead of looking in the mirror and feeling bad, replace it with a flow chart of how your debts are going down. Give yourself positive reinforcement instead of negative. Yes it is a scary, horrible pit of the stomach clenching thing, but the only way to deal with it is slowly but surely pay it off and at the same time start saving an EF. I do know about this. I got married for the second time and the next day was in tears that this jerk who had been telling me he had no money problems, I found was in $20K worth of credit card debt, plus a car payment and a mortgage. Suddenly it was all mine as well. Before i could get rid of him the debt had climbed to over $40K! Not fun at all.

**Randomsaver** · 06-04-2017, 04:05 PM

OP, trust me. You're better off without women.

Just kiddin'.

Seriously, congrats on getting a job. Work hard and smart so you get increase over time. More money, the faster you can pay off debt.

Live frugally at this point, which means don't leave home yet. No shame there. Just think of yourself as a new immigrant and you're just starting your life in America. You don't start by living independently on day 1, it's a process.

Emergency fund (EF) of $1K is critical. Outside of living frugally and saving up for this EF, start knocking those debt off.

**Learningmore** · 06-04-2017, 05:57 PM

When I met my husband, he didn't have his own place either. Don't worry about it. Lots of people live at home these days.

**veronak** · 06-04-2017, 06:23 PM

Same situation

I too have about $20k in CC debt. I was laid off, had a little saving and when that was gone racked up the CC debt. I started the Dave Ramsey plan, tackling all CCs from smallest balance amount to largest, paid off the first one about a month ago.

Debt is easy to rack up, but it takes time to pay off. I'd say if you have a good relationship with your parents, be honest and let them know you have some things you'd like to pay off/take care of before you move.

Save a $1,000 for your EF fund, once you have that tackle the smallest debt first. Anything extra you have, that you don't need sell it and put the money towards the CC. Any extra cash you have, do the same.
Create a budget and stick to it. If you're like me and love sodas, drink water and add some fruit for flavor. This will save you a ton of money, and remember to pack your lunch.

**Gailete** · 06-04-2017, 07:44 PM

If you're like me and love sodas, drink water and add some fruit for flavor. This will save you a ton of money, and remember to pack your lunch.

When I was still working I was drinking pop several times a week if not every work day. I generally never had it at home. But I noticed I was having more frequent leg cramps and from some reading I had done, I thought the pop might be responsible, so I switched to water. At this point I drink water exclusively with a couple of ice teas or a couple of root beers when I'm out. I'm at the point that even though I was a Pepsi, girl I don't even like the taste any more. The more you stay away the more you lose your taste for it. Because I have had trouble sleeping most of my adult life, I have always tried to drink decaf when available and I never drink coffee. Water is so much cheaper to drink than anything else.

I remember years ago my ex-MIL asking me and then husband when were we going to grow up and start drinking coffee. I'm 61 now and I still don't drink it-ever! I think coffee was costing an exorbitant amount at that time and I could see no reason to force myself to try to like something that costs so much. I have had coffee to drink at a coffee farm in Colombia and I still hated it (I drank it to be polite). I figured more than anyone else in the world they should know how to make a good cup of coffee and since I didn't like theirs I saw no reason to keep trying.

the beverage industry is huge and the CEOs are probably snickering all the way to the bank that they have conned so many out of drinking plain water, to drinking juices, flavored waters, soda pop, and the like.

**LivingAlmostLarge** · 06-05-2017, 10:59 AM

It will get better. Any amount of debt paid down is another dollar towards it.

20k in CC debt and feeling hopeless