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    #16
    Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
    There may be some differences in the terms but otherwise they are essentially the same thing. I'm not quite sure what Nutria was getting at there. A credit card account is a line of credit.
    A CC account is a LOC, but that has nothing to do with the balance on the account.

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      #17
      Steve

      Yes your right the car was a luxury ..it is a special edition and my hubby could sell for what he paid for it...I would hate to ask him to do it..after my indiscretions ie gambling.
      Travelling has to stop..and yes we could cut back on eating out. My son in University always worked part time job while in high school I had him save every penny and I took care of his expenses for him so he had over 20 000 saved of his own money for school he works all summer and that money goes in his account as well while we take care of his expenses. He does not work while he is in the school year. My youngest has medical problems and cannot work while going to school. I always had my children get jobs I saved all there money for them gave them spending money and when the oldest moved out he had about 14 000 saved plus owned his own truck out right.
      Life is expensive as you all know ..I really take responsibility for the gambling causing at least 50 % as the amounts don't include all the cash I spent as well..we are just looking at the debt portion.

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        #18
        Originally posted by disneysteve View Post

        3. "We have a car husband just bought worth about 44 000" Despite already being buried with debt, he went out and bought a 44,000 car. Did he really think that was a good idea? You're probably upside down on the loan, but it might be worth selling it and using your line of credit to cover any shortfall and then go out and buy a cheap used car for 5,000 or so.
        If I am following her information right, the "midlife crisis" car was just a fun car. He has a car through work already. Not sure if he can drive it for personal or not, though.

        Either way, the car needs to go for sure.
        Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad choices.

        Comment


          #19
          Originally posted by Trace View Post
          Yes your right the car was a luxury ..it is a special edition and my hubby could sell for what he paid for it...I would hate to ask him to do it..after my indiscretions ie gambling.
          You and your DH (Dear Husband) need to get over the concept of "his and her debts". They're both family debts.

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            #20
            Originally posted by Nutria View Post
            A CC account is a LOC, but that has nothing to do with the balance on the account.
            OP didn't say that. She said, "Line of credits and credt cards all the same thing really..." and you said, "You're mistaken, but that's not relevant to this discussion." That's where I wasn't following you.

            Of course, the available credit and the outstanding balance are two different things, as the OP noted. She only listed her balance, not the total amount of the line of credit.
            Steve

            * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
            * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
            * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

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              #21
              Originally posted by Trace View Post
              Yes your right the car was a luxury ..it is a special edition and my hubby could sell for what he paid for it...I would hate to ask him to do it..after my indiscretions ie gambling.

              I really take responsibility for the gambling causing at least 50 %
              I'll repeat what I said earlier. You need to move past the guilt about the gambling debt. Perhaps you should consider some professional help in that regard. It is causing you to approach the whole debt situation in a way that isn't going to help you get ahead.

              Yes, you racked up 50,000 gambling. But the 2 of you also racked up 100,000 in other debt together. And you need to work together to get it paid off.

              If your husband can't see that buying a 44,000 car was a huge mistake, then there are bigger issues here that need to be addressed.
              Steve

              * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
              * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
              * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

              Comment


                #22
                Originally posted by Nutria View Post
                You and your DH (Dear Husband) need to get over the concept of "his and her debts". They're both family debts.
                Absolutely! If this is ever going to get cleaned up, it will require both of you to work together every step of the way.
                Steve

                * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

                Comment


                  #23
                  Originally posted by Trace View Post
                  Yes your right the car was a luxury ..it is a special edition and my hubby could sell for what he paid for it...I would hate to ask him to do it..after my indiscretions ie gambling.
                  While selling the car would be helpful, I think you are probably right that this is not the first order of business. To get trust back you need to work together to make a plan to pay off the debt. Eventually, the sale of the car may need to happen, but I would guess your husband would be much more agreeable if he sees progress in other areas.

                  We love YNAB (You Need A Budget) for helping pay off debt and manage our budget. The first 34 days are free, and $50 a year (I think) after. They provide great customer service and lots of free videos and interactive sessions on how to use the program. I'm also a fan of Dave Ramsey. Start listening to him on your local radio station or download the podcasts of his shows (all free).

                  And I agree with others that the eating out and travel need to end. I'm sure there are lots of extras that you spend money on that could be stopped and the money used to pay off what you already bought in the past. Your situation is not hopeless, but you need to change things for that to happen.
                  My other blog is Your Organized Friend.

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Originally posted by Trace View Post
                    Yes your right the car was a luxury ..it is a special edition and my hubby could sell for what he paid for it...I would hate to ask him to do it..after my indiscretions ie gambling
                    Steve is right, you need to cut the guilt and change into offensive mode. You obviously accept responsibility, but wallowing in regret will not help you get out of debt. In fact, it could drive you to make more bad emotional choices that result in spending or even more debt.

                    Also, your husband’s choice to go into $44,000 in debt on a car isn’t much better than your choice to gamble given your financial state, and his getting to have the car in response to your gambling is not a good answer to justify it. However, if you are the only one seeking financial help then this is going to be a moot point. How does he feel about your finances? If he sees no problem, that is going to be the biggest hurdle. Not the income or debt, but his corporation in needing to change to get into a better financial place. Going to Financial Peace University might be a great start for you guys if you have one nearby. They also do online classes. The class is meant to help people understand why they need to change, and how. I don’t always agree with Dave Ramsey, but for situations like yours he is great at helping people get back on track.
                    Originally posted by Trace View Post
                    Travelling has to stop..and yes we could cut back on eating out. My son in University always worked part time job while in high school I had him save every penny and I took care of his expenses for him so he had over 20 000 saved of his own money for school he works all summer and that money goes in his account as well while we take care of his expenses. He does not work while he is in the school year.
                    You guys did great for teaching them how to save. Better than most, even. However, he is an adult now. He isn’t entitled to your money. Do not feel it is your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t have to work. This is his life, his choices, and his future. Teach him the value of earning a degree with hard work. That will help him a lot more in life than just the piece of paper.
                    Originally posted by Trace View Post
                    Life is expensive as you all know ..I really take responsibility for the gambling causing at least 50 % as the amounts don't include all the cash I spent as well..we are just looking at the debt portion.
                    Life is expenseive, but excuses are more exspenie. You must ask yourself,
                    what do I want from here?” If you really want to be on top of your finances, out of CC debt, and on your way to a great retirement(which means less stress in life), and even able to buy a “fun” car without the guilt or debt than you need to make
                    Last edited by GoodSteward; 01-12-2017, 08:46 AM.
                    Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad choices.

                    Comment


                      #25
                      Originally posted by GoodSteward View Post
                      your husband’s choice to go into $44,000 in debt on a car isn’t much better than your choice to gamble given your financial state, and his getting to have the car in response to your gambling is not a good answer to justify it.

                      How does he feel about your finances?
                      I think these are both good points.

                      Have you and your husband talked about this? Does he think it's a problem? Is he committed to paying off debt.
                      Last edited by GoodSteward; 01-12-2017, 08:47 AM.
                      Steve

                      * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                      * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                      * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

                      Comment


                        #26
                        So this is the back story with hubby..

                        He is extremely hard working we got married young 18 ..never had any help from family. We did wait 5yrs to have kids 3 and we have been married 30yrs.'
                        I'm the one who takes care of the finances he deposits his money in and looks at nothing trusts me to take care of things. Hence the gambling getting out of control he had no idea (well some) but I don't think he wanted to know. He confronted me I confessed to the 44 000 at the time..of acquired debt. Things settled down he forgave me and I continued to gamble on and off chasing loses ..I know this is wrong in everyway..but being desperate I just kept thinking I could win a chunk back and help get back on track..(we all know how that goes) I got things worse again. I have pushed him for trips and he will give in..etc. JHe takes a 20 cash allowance a week ..and asks before he debits anything, He has made 2 purchases the boat (loves to fish and he enjoys this with his boys) and the car. Other than that he works drives 1.5 hours each way to work.. He is stressed about the debt just as I am. I've been very deceitful over the 3yrs of this gambling and this also adds to the guilt...I essentially stole from my family...Its hard to have sympathy for me when I made the mess myself. ..I think I lost my mind. I know better. He prob thinks we are around 120 000 in debt but its closer to 150 000 unsecured. I have no one I can really talk to about this ..One friend I've confided in...Your money situation isn't what you want to put out there ...I appreciate you all weighing in this...I need to do the budget ..sounds like the first step.

                        Comment


                          #27
                          Originally posted by Trace View Post
                          I need to do the budget ..sounds like the first step.
                          That's the second step.

                          First is to know where all of your money is going every month (don't forget stuff that's paid quarterly, semi-annually, etc). Only then can you form a rational budget.

                          Comment


                            #28
                            This is going to get much tougher than it currently is if you and your husband don't work this out. Most divorces happen over money, and nobody is immune. Everybody has a breaking point. This isn't to scare you, it's to help you really let it sink in your whole household needs change, this is more than just a gambling issue.

                            You don't need to be in charge of your houses finances, or at least not alone. Your husband is here to help you, and "trusting" you with the finances isn't really a good thing. Part of your problem is that you don't have any accountability. My parents had $120,000 for the same reason. Not gambling, but they each hid what was going on from the other. They neither one had any idea they owed so much. It was mainly my mom who let credit card spending go. They also had separate accounts. In a joint account, the same problem often occurs, but usually with the one who is left in charge of the checkbook/ledger. It's too easy to hide something if both spouses are not consistently involved. My father in law easily led a second life and cheated on my mother in law, partly because they had no transparency in finances. No, that isn't why he cheated, but if they were transparent it wouldn't have been nearly as possible. It's just too easy to hide things.

                            My wife is the same as your husband. She hates numbers and just lets me have the books. However, that isn't a good thing. We all need someone to help keep us accountable to control spending. I have to keep on her to stay involved, but it is to help me and she understands that. In any household, both spouses need to be involved for the sake of protecting each other, as well as add input to help feel accomplished in the household finances.
                            Last edited by GoodSteward; 01-12-2017, 10:52 AM.
                            Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad choices.

                            Comment


                              #29
                              Agreed

                              My hubby deals with numbers at work lots of finance stuff although that is not the nature of his business and time wise he is away from the house so much ..I just have more time to deal with bill paying etc.. I'm a bit of a control freak as well...if things were more transparent I would not have got away things like I did that's for sure. I would rather he didn't see the extent of my deception. Crazy I know but...

                              Comment


                                #30
                                I just wanted to say to hang in there. We're working our way down from about that same amount of consumer debt. It's not fun, and it's required a lot of changes in our lifestyle, but we're plugging away at it and getting it done. It's not going to be done as quickly as I would like, but I figure that gives us time to really get used to living more frugally so that when we do have lots of resources again, we'll save them instead of spend them.

                                When you think of it as a lifelong pursuit to make better choices, it all doesn't seem so bad, you know?

                                Also, Nutria, gosh, you really love bolding words, huh? Lots and lots and lots of emphasis with you.

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