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    Girlfriend getting in debt

    Ive been going out with my gf for almost a year. she has always been really upfront about her debt. having only recently paid off her student loan. however every time something happens with her family she feels she is obligated to help out. which to me is a very noble and admirable trait. however its gotten to the point where she has maxed out both her credit cards and she recently had an accident while her friend was driving her car. because her friend makes very little money and her insurance doesnt cover it. she has to pay full price. I am very worried because in the past i have helped pay one of her payments for 1k and the truth is i want to help her with this payment as well. however i recently quit my job and if i were to give her this money i would have nothing at all...my question is how do i help her with her situation?she is getting into debt to help those shes closest to with their problems. which is something i woud do as well. except i would never put myself in debt to do so. whereas she would do it in a second.

    #2
    Let her do what she wants and be supportive. It appears she is debt averse and responsible. Long term that bodes well for the relationship. However she isn't exactly able to keep a distance from helping her less responsible family and friends. But it's her money and her life. And she did pay off her student loans, and is trying to get out of the hole.

    I would say she's a very good person to be with.
    LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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      #3
      How serious are you two? Like engagement and marriage in the near future serious?

      Since you two are not engaged or married, I would keep your finances completely separate. This means stop giving her money for her situations!

      I would also sit down with her and have conversation. While it is noble and admirable that she wants to help those in need, she needs to understand that it is not really helping if she harms herself in the process. By going into debt and maxing out credit cards, she is doing harm to herself, which defeats the purpose of helping others. This conversation should be very nice and should not be you berating her. She has the Mother Teresa qualities, but those qualities are for naught if it causes destruction to her own life and finances. Who is going to take care of her when she is need?

      Helping others is something that you do after you have taken care of yourself. And you can only do so surplus wealth.

      With that said, you cannot give her money to help with the expenses. You don't have any money. Also, she should not have got so involved in these situations owned by other people (no matter that they are friends and family). There is a real danger with being the person who always helps troubled friends and family: you become seen as an enabler. You cannot be the knight on the white horse forever; even the knight has to make sure he is good shape before he can help others.

      Hope this helps!
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        #4
        As much as love makes you want to help her, I'd stop giving her money. You two aren't married. And if you are considering marriage, then this is something that will need dealt with and fixed before you say "I do." Helping out others isn't really helping if it's causing your gf to destroy herself in the process.
        Brian

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          #5
          You might be wondering why her family has not turned around and helped her in her time of need. I know I would be wondering.

          I do not understand what her friend's income has to do with insurance paying out or not. Am I misunderstanding that? Is she being misled either by her friend? By the insurance company? Whose car was it? And was there insurance on it?
          "There is some ontological doubt as to whether it may even be possible in principle to nail down these things in the universe we're given to study." --text msg from my kid

          "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." --Frederick Douglass

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            #6
            If you are always finding yourself dipping into your overdraft or racking up credit card debt, it may be time to address your finances.It may seem hard to get to take control of a financial mess, but there are changes you can make to your daily routine or on big expenses to better manage your money.I am providing you some points through which you can make your girl friends situation easy.

            1.Work it out
            2.Budget
            3.Be disciplined
            4.Watch your daily spending
            5.Organize your bills
            6.Switch your utility suppliers
            7.Switch to a cheaper credit card/loan
            8.Sort out your bank account.

            Comment


              #7
              In some cultures it's expected that you help extended family and close friends to the best of your ability even if it means taking on debt yourself. In S Korea when the government said it needed money, citizens brought in gold jewelry, cashed CDs, sold stock and brought whatever they could turn into cash to government HQ. This is not our culture. If GF chooses to give to those who need help she must understand she should not expect to be repaid and your practice of not putting yourself in debt.

              Like Joan, GF needs to clarify income/insurance issue. I'm guessing friend only carried minimum liability insurance for the other vehicle, not comprehensive to include her car. Did the police charge friend with a driving infraction? Why is friend at fault?

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