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    going into a relationship with Debt.

    Don't know how to correctly start this so I am just going to dive right in. I am 26 and have been the same girl for going on two years now. She will be moving into my house around March and event though I have not proposed to her yet, we both know that we will be getting married in a year or so. WE want to live with each other for a while before we actually tie the knot.

    -She is 100% debt free, and has an emergency fund of around 30,000. Her income is around 50,000 a year and does great for her self.

    -I am not so debt free. I do have an emergency savings of around 20,000. My income is around 135,000 a year. I made the mistake of when I first started making good money of just financing every thing I wanted instead of being a little patient and just paying cash. The good news is I have my self on a strict budget that will have me completely debt free in 12-14 months, except for my house note.

    -Here is where I need advice. She knows about all of my debt and my plan to pay it off. We both want to live debt free and just save for things we want instead of financing them. I believe that it is my responsibility to pay my debt to zero, except for the house note, just like she has hers. She is instant on wanting to help me pay my debt down to zero. I don't think it is right that she should pay down my debt, but she says it will be in our common interest in the long run.

    - Do you agree with her? Or should I be instant on getting my self debt free before the two of us combine finances?

    #2
    I think that is very gracious of her to want to help you pay down your debt. At the end of the day, if you are working to get married soon, then long-term it's best to work together to pay down debt. However, it would probably be better for her to set any "debt payoff" money into her savings until you two get married, then once you do, you all can discuss making a one-time lump sum payment to get rid of any remaining debt for what you aren't able to pay off yourself in the meantime.

    Great that you two are thinking like a couple on your finances already!

    Comment


      #3
      I'm not a fan of combining finances until you are married but it is certainly reasonable for her to pay for her share of the living expenses in the house. If she were my friend I'd tell her to never help pay mortgage on a house unless she gets a share of ownership in the house by her name on the deed. I'm not trying to sound harsh but I've known of several people who started down that path of "oh but we will be married in a year or so" and for one reason or another in a year or so they were no longer together. I've known people that it worked out fine for too, so I'm not saying I don't believe you are really meant to be together.

      The good news is that with your income, you will be able to pay off that debt quick enough.

      Best of luck.

      Comment


        #4
        If you were married I'd agree with her. But until you are, you need to take care of your debts without her assistance.
        Brian

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          #5
          It seems that everybody has the same idea as myself. Her biggest argument is that she is currently paying her own rent, own utility bills ect that it is only right that she help me with mine once we move into the same house. I have actually suggested that she just put any money that she fells she wants to help out with into a savings account until we tie the knot.
          Thanks again for the points of view, I have been know to be stubborn some times and not capable of seeing past my point of view and just wanted to make sure that wasn't the case here.

          Comment


            #6
            Im not sure but ironically this is eiarly similar similar to my situation 26 moving in with fiance in my case and we both have debt not just me. She will have some money that was set aside for her to pay down some of her loans but she will have considerably less than me she figures 13k while I have 24k left. We plan on getting married next august and I am trying to think about our finnaces and not sure what to do.

            I think it would be great to get one of us debt free first and then both go after the the other's debt after that with a debt snowball type deal. I am not sure if this is the best thing in the world but I do see the benefit of getting out of debt as soon as possible which I have been doing if you look at my other posts.

            Would this be benefitial or should I wait until married and then possibly write up a contract between us with an ongoing ledger of what we paid towards the others loan to protect us both if things dont work out, or simply just save in a different account until we get married or are able to pay the loans off?

            Comment


              #7
              She shouldn't pay on your debt until you are married.

              However, that doesn't mean she can't take a larger chunk of the household bills allowing you to free up some cash to put toward your debt. I know it ends up with the same result but it feels very differently emotionally.

              Let's say she currently pays $700/month rent. Once she moves in with you, she could continue to pay $700/month rent. How you use that money is up to you.

              This is just very different mentally than her living with you rent free and giving you $700/month for debt payments. If something happens and the two of you split up, she won't leave thinking, "Damn, I blew $700/month paying down his debt and now I've got nothing to show for it." Instead, she'll say (hopefully), "Well, I got to live in a nice house for all that time for the same price I was paying for my little apartment."
              Steve

              * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
              * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
              * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
                She shouldn't pay on your debt until you are married.

                However, that doesn't mean she can't take a larger chunk of the household bills allowing you to free up some cash to put toward your debt. I know it ends up with the same result but it feels very differently emotionally.
                That's about exactly what I was thinking... Let her pay for the utilities and/or a small rent, or something along those lines, to free up more of your own cash-flow... But you need to pay your own debts with your own income. She might see it as an insignificant difference, but as DS said, it's different emotionally for you.
                "Praestantia per minutus" ... "Acta non verba"

                Comment


                  #9
                  You make almost 3 times more than her annually, so you should be able to pay off your debt pretty fast. I wouldn't accept my husband to pay off my debt, even if we're married (it's not the case, we're both debt free. But few years ago I had car payments and NEVER expected him to pay a cent, even if most my money went to pay my debt). I find it important for each partner to solve their own problems. She can help with the rent/utilities though. I have moved with my husband 2 years ago and immediately started pitching in. This would allow her to get involved into the household more and you can also use all the extra-money to pay off what you still owe
                  Personal Finance Blog | Dojo's PF Musings

                  Comment


                    #10
                    It will be great for you if she helps you in paying down your debts. However, combining finances do not always turn out to be a good deal. No one knows what future has in store for you. So, it will be better to give yourself some more time and pay off the debts on your own rather than taking help from her.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      How much debt do you have? Will it really take a year or more to pay it off?
                      Steve

                      * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                      * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                      * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
                        How much debt do you have? Will it really take a year or more to pay it off?

                        My budget for 2014

                        My budget is a little more complicated than most but I might be over thinking it. Allow me to explain. I work on boats with a normal schedule of 30 days on 30 days off. For 2014 I have decided to work a schedule of 6 weeks on 2 weeks of to accelerate the pace I rid my self of debt. So I figure out my budget 2 months at a time instead of one because of the 2 month work cycles.

                        House note-1,250 per month
                        Truck note-2,000 per month ( its actually only 700, but im paying 2,000 to pay it off) (35,000 left)
                        Land note- 325 per month ( 8,000 left)
                        Bike note- 1,000 per month ( 3,025 left)

                        car/motorcycle/boat insurance- 206 per month
                        life insurance- 46 per month
                        phone bill/ internet 150 per month ( I know this seams like a lot but being at sea for 4-6 weeks at a time its the only way to keep in touch with family)
                        retirement(Ira)-460 per month
                        health insurance- 200 per month

                        add them all together I get 5,637
                        now after taxes I bring in 15,600 in 6 weeks
                        So if I take 1 month of bills x2= 11,274
                        6 weeks income - 2 months bills= 4,326 left over

                        I plan to allow my self 500-1000 dollars to live for the 2 weeks I am home so
                        4,326-1000= 3,326

                        The 3,326 I will keep in the bank account as a buffer for things such as flights to and from work, ect. until its gets close to the number that will completely rid me of debt, then I will use it as the final push.

                        Feel free to punch 100 holes in this for me and tell me where I can do better

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by capthayes View Post
                          House note-1,250 per month
                          Truck note-2,000 per month ( its actually only 700, but im paying 2,000 to pay it off) (35,000 left)
                          Land note- 325 per month ( 8,000 left)
                          Bike note- 1,000 per month ( 3,025 left)

                          car/motorcycle/boat insurance- 206 per month
                          You say you work on a boat. Is that the boat referenced with the insurance amount? Or is it strictly a pleasure boat that you own for fun?

                          What is the land note? Is this for a property other than where your house is located? If so, what is the purpose and plan for that land? Why do you own it?

                          Why do you need such a costly truck? And why do you also need a motorcycle?
                          Steve

                          * Despite the high cost of living, it remains very popular.
                          * Why should I pay for my daughter's education when she already knows everything?
                          * There are no shortcuts to anywhere worth going.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by disneysteve View Post
                            You say you work on a boat. Is that the boat referenced with the insurance amount? Or is it strictly a pleasure boat that you own for fun?

                            What is the land note? Is this for a property other than where your house is located? If so, what is the purpose and plan for that land? Why do you own it?

                            Why do you need such a costly truck? And why do you also need a motorcycle?
                            - pleasure boat
                            - the land note is a 200 acre ranch I own. Plan to move To it when I retire, figured it would be easier to pay for it now then when im retired. It is in a completely different state than my house
                            - The truck Is not "that expensive" bad decisions led up to it being that much yes. The truck note is what happens when one who is uneducated with money, myself, buys a car ends up oweing more than its worth and then trades it in on another. I know im a dumbass but I learned from my mistake.
                            -As for the motorcycle, when I turned 16 I worked my ass off and bought my first one and have been having them ever since. I will go with out a car before I go with out a bike.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              $46k in non mortgage debt? But you have an EF of $20k? Is it worth bringing it down to $5k and using $15k to clear some debt? What are your interest rates?

                              Did you buy a ring yet? What were you thinking of spending and will you do it in cash? How much on the wedding?

                              There are always things to pay for, always things to buy. With a cushion of $3k a month to pay off debt you'd be out in about 12 months with 6 weeks on and 2 weeks off.
                              LivingAlmostLarge Blog

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