I'm afraid.

[LecMarie]

Hello all, I've been lurking for a little while and I'm finally ready to dip my toe in the water here.

I am 28, married, with an 8 month old daughter. My husband and I are nearly 30k in CC debt. God that hurts to type out.

We were married 4 years ago, and both came into marriage with small amounts of CC debt, maybe 5k combined. He grew up in a household that constantly lived beyond their means and where debt was normal. My husband aquired his fathers taste for expensive electronics. I on the other hand grew up in a very financially responsible household- my Father was a serious saver and taught me all about financial planning. My parents lived very frugally my entire childhood, always saving for the future. Well, for my mom that future never came, she died of Colon cancer when she was 35.

Her death (I was 15) set something off in me that I've never been able to shake. I have a VERY hard time sacrificing now for future stability, because I'm terrified that there won't BE a future. I've gone to counseling and it helped for a while but not long term. My H and I aquired 10k of CC debt in the year planning our wedding- intending to pay it off ASAP but then other things that we wanted to do won out. Since then, we've spent money on travelling, a cross country move (I was promoted at work) to a high cost of living area (furthering our problems), and general crap like concerts and eating out.

I KNOW that this is wrong and that we need to get real about paying down our debts. I KNOW how to do it. I create amazing budgets that would get us out of debt within 2 years but can never stick to it because I seem to be completely unable to save. It would have been SO easy to get out of this debt while we were DINKs but now we pay 1300/mo for my daughters day care and only have $400 extra every month (that is gone-always- by the end of the month).

I control our finances becuase my husband knows that I KNOW how to do it and sees the amazing budgets that I make, but he doesn't pay attention otherwise. I tell him that we can't do this or that but then I end up letting him because I feel like a failure because we SHOULD have the money to buy him some shoes or visit a friend but we don't because I suck at controlling our money like I should. I'm afraid to tell him the sorry state of our savings account (nonexistant right now). I'm not hiding anything- he just doesn't ask. As far as he's concerned, if the bills are paid on time, and we're making min. payments, we're OK.

I don't know where to start. How to get out of the hole. I don't know how to tell him that no, actually we can't do this this and this even though it's already been "budgeted" because we need to get out of debt. It doesn't seem to matter much to him though he would begrudgingly go along with it.

Oh, and another issue I have is that I KNOW that if an emergency ever came up, my dad would help me with no questions asked, so I don't ever really have to worry about being homeless or anything like that, but I KNOW that this is a very bad frame of mind.

I'm sorry I wrote a book. Congrats if you made it though! I just needed to get all this off my chest.....

[emanon1501]

To start, maybe you should list all of your incomes and debts here. That way the people on this board will be able to help you. 30K is not too bad, it is like a car payment. There are people in worse shape than you. I was once in about 60K in debt.

[KiwiJo09]

It's time to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband about finances. I keep mine informed every step of the way. He never asks, but I still disclose and so should you. If you don't have the same mind-set financially and you aren't on the same page, you'll never get your budget under control.

Also, you shouldn't be relying on your father for an emergency. You have your own child. You have to teach her the right way to deal with money. It's time to grow up.

[bjl584]

Hello all, I've been lurking for a little while and I'm finally ready to dip my toe in the water here.

I am 28, married, with an 8 month old daughter. My husband and I are nearly 30k in CC debt. God that hurts to type out.

We were married 4 years ago, and both came into marriage with small amounts of CC debt, maybe 5k combined. He grew up in a household that constantly lived beyond their means and where debt was normal. My husband aquired his fathers taste for expensive electronics. I on the other hand grew up in a very financially responsible household- my Father was a serious saver and taught me all about financial planning. My parents lived very frugally my entire childhood, always saving for the future. Well, for my mom that future never came, she died of Colon cancer when she was 35.

Her death (I was 15) set something off in me that I've never been able to shake. I have a VERY hard time sacrificing now for future stability, because I'm terrified that there won't BE a future. I've gone to counseling and it helped for a while but not long term. My H and I aquired 10k of CC debt in the year planning our wedding- intending to pay it off ASAP but then other things that we wanted to do won out. Since then, we've spent money on travelling, a cross country move (I was promoted at work) to a high cost of living area (furthering our problems), and general crap like concerts and eating out.

I KNOW that this is wrong and that we need to get real about paying down our debts. I KNOW how to do it. I create amazing budgets that would get us out of debt within 2 years but can never stick to it because I seem to be completely unable to save. It would have been SO easy to get out of this debt while we were DINKs but now we pay 1300/mo for my daughters day care and only have $400 extra every month (that is gone-always- by the end of the month).

I control our finances becuase my husband knows that I KNOW how to do it and sees the amazing budgets that I make, but he doesn't pay attention otherwise. I tell him that we can't do this or that but then I end up letting him because I feel like a failure because we SHOULD have the money to buy him some shoes or visit a friend but we don't because I suck at controlling our money like I should. I'm afraid to tell him the sorry state of our savings account (nonexistant right now). I'm not hiding anything- he just doesn't ask. As far as he's concerned, if the bills are paid on time, and we're making min. payments, we're OK.

I don't know where to start. How to get out of the hole. I don't know how to tell him that no, actually we can't do this this and this even though it's already been "budgeted" because we need to get out of debt. It doesn't seem to matter much to him though he would begrudgingly go along with it.

Oh, and another issue I have is that I KNOW that if an emergency ever came up, my dad would help me with no questions asked, so I don't ever really have to worry about being homeless or anything like that, but I KNOW that this is a very bad frame of mind.

I'm sorry I wrote a book. Congrats if you made it though! I just needed to get all this off my chest.....

Welcome.

30K is very manageable, but you need to list your other expenses and your incomes before anyone can give you any specific advice.

First, I would sit down with your husband and disclose everything. Get him onboard with your finances.

I understand your temptation to want to live for today, but I've known several people that have taken this approach toward life, and every one of them is broke. From my experience, people that save and that live on a budget are much happier in life.

After you post your numbers and start to form a budget and a plan of attack for your debt, you need to save up some money so that you don't have to depend on your Dad.

[LecMarie]

It's time to sit down and have a serious talk with your husband about finances. I keep mine informed every step of the way. He never asks, but I still disclose and so should you. If you don't have the same mind-set financially and you aren't on the same page, you'll never get your budget under control.

Also, you shouldn't be relying on your father for an emergency. You have your own child. You have to teach her the right way to deal with money. It's time to grow up.

I know. It's for her that I am determined to change.

My budget is as follows...

Income- $6034/mo

Rent- $1350 (cheapest we could get that would accept our dogs)
daycare- $1307
SL's (combined)- $547
Insurance- $132 (car/renters/life)
Car (mine is old and paid off)- $380 (paid off next July)
Water- $25
Gas (house)- $32
Electric- Usually around $100
Internet/cable- $115
Phones- $110
Gas/train pass/parking- $300
Netflix/Sirius/Xbox- $60 (these are considered my husbands "fun" money purchases)
Pet insurance- $79 (2 dogs, 2 cats)
Groceries- I budget $450/month but constantly go over

CC's-

Discover- $6600, min payment $135
B of A (closed)- $3800, min payment $66
Capital One- $9200, min payment $160
Wells Fargo- $4500, min payment $147
Best Buy- $2300 (0% interest), min payment $30
HSBC- $700, min payment $25

(in good news, actual CC debt is $2900 lower than I thought.....)

[skydivingchic]

I agree with the other posters that it is time to have a sit down with your husband. You should have a list of all your debts, with amounts, minimum payments, and interest rates, also a list of all income, and your budget. You need to get him on board with getting out of debt.

There are a lot of very helpful, smart people here. If you list out your debts and budget, everyone will be happy to give insight and suggestions on where to cut and how to tackle the debt. It sounds like it will be especially important to you guys to have some "fun" money in the budget - likely much less than you are used to, but a completely bare bones budget will likely lead to failure in short order.

As others have said, you also need to stop mentally relying on your father for emergencies. What if he is killed in a car accident tomorrow or becomes disabled and has to live in a care home? You need to have your own emergency fund and be able to stand on your own two feet.

You have come to the right place for good help. Admitting to the problem and deciding to do something about it is a big step. You can do this!

[LecMarie]

I agree with the other posters that it is time to have a sit down with your husband. You should have a list of all your debts, with amounts, minimum payments, and interest rates, also a list of all income, and your budget. You need to get him on board with getting out of debt.

There are a lot of very helpful, smart people here. If you list out your debts and budget, everyone will be happy to give insight and suggestions on where to cut and how to tackle the debt. It sounds like it will be especially important to you guys to have some "fun" money in the budget - likely much less than you are used to, but a completely bare bones budget will likely lead to failure in short order.As others have said, you also need to stop mentally relying on your father for emergencies. What if he is killed in a car accident tomorrow or becomes disabled and has to live in a care home? You need to have your own emergency fund and be able to stand on your own two feet.

You have come to the right place for good help. Admitting to the problem and deciding to do something about it is a big step. You can do this!

THIS is my problem. I budget idealistically and it doesn't pan out. Then I feel like a total failure. I don't even budget myself fun money anymore, and my husband gets $60 worth of services that he enjoys (well, we both do).

The biggest problem that we have is food. We both work long hours and have stressful jobs, and now with the baby we end up buying groceries with the intent of eating in, but end up getting take out because we're so exhausted by the end of the day. I always regret it so much in the morning but when I'm in that post-work frame of mind, I just can't bring myself to care

[skydivingchic]

A few things to think about for the budget - car maintenance (oil changes, new tires, new brakes, etc), car registration, any memberships or subscriptions paid annually. I would suggest spending a month or two writing down every single penny that is spent. Your posted budget comes out to a $484 surplus, which you say disappears. You need to figure out where.

Groceries. I feed two adults in Southern California (i.e. very high cost of living) for $400 per month, usually a bit less, and that is without trying to save money at all. If I happen across a coupon, I will use it, but I don't make a concerted effort. My $400 budget also includes paper goods, some toiletries, and household items that are purchased at Costco, since I don't go to the trouble of seperating those out. I'm sure with some effort, you can get your grocery bill down. Crockpots are great for saving money as you can use cheaper cuts of meat, plus the meals are usually less work to put together. Others will have some more suggestions on this area.

I would cut out the cable. You have Netflix, internet, and an Xbox for entertainment. We subscribe to Netflix (2 at a time) and I haven't lived in a house with cable for over 15 years. You can watch a lot of TV on the internet and through Netflix.

[LecMarie]

Also, some things that I'm already doing-

I buy all our clothes at Goodwill when needed (I have to dress professionally). We luckily have an amazing Goodwill within bike riding distance of our house. I'll buy clothes for my daughter at yard sales this summer for the Fall/winter.

In good weather, I ride my bike whenever I can to save gas

I have started to coupon heavily which has made a dent in the grocery budget, but I still go WAY over becuase of unexpected purchases.

[LecMarie]

A few things to think about for the budget - car maintenance (oil changes, new tires, new brakes, etc), car registration, any memberships or subscriptions paid annually. I would suggest spending a month or two writing down every single penny that is spent. Your posted budget comes out to a $484 surplus, which you say disappears. You need to figure out where.

Groceries. I feed two adults in Southern California (i.e. very high cost of living) for $400 per month, usually a bit less, and that is without trying to save money at all. If I happen across a coupon, I will use it, but I don't make a concerted effort. My $400 budget also includes paper goods, some toiletries, and household items that are purchased at Costco, since I don't go to the trouble of seperating those out. I'm sure with some effort, you can get your grocery bill down. Crockpots are great for saving money as you can use cheaper cuts of meat, plus the meals are usually less work to put together. Others will have some more suggestions on this area.

I would cut out the cable. You have Netflix, internet, and an Xbox for entertainment. We subscribe to Netflix (2 at a time) and I haven't lived in a house with cable for over 15 years. You can watch a lot of TV on the internet and through Netflix.

We looked into cutting cable a few months ago, but found that we'd only save about $30/month because the internet is the bulk of the cost (bundled). Since we have a kid and never do anything else anymore, we were reluctant to cut that for just $30 in savings.

I know, I know...$30 could help us. I'll try talking to my H again.

[Petunia 100]

If you want to save money, you can't wait unti the end of the month to save what is left. There will never be anything left. Instead, choose a reasonable amount and make that transfer when you sit down to pay your other bills. Treat it just that way, like any other bill, not something optional you may do if there is any extra money. Learn to hate pulling any money out of savings. Only withdraw when absolutely necessary.

Are you and your husband participating in workplace retirement plans? If there is any match offered, do not pass that up. You'll be 60ish sooner than you think.

I know it is hard to come home and cook after a long day. So don't do it. On the weekends, make big batches of your favorite meals and freeze them. Learn to use a crock pot. Learn to enjoy simple meals like an omelet or sandwiches. All are strategies for saving time and money.

Stop using your credit cards. Even if you do nothing but make minimum payments, the debt will eventually go away if you stop using them.

[Petunia 100]

<< We looked into cutting cable a few months ago, but found that we'd only save about $30/month because the internet is the bulk of the cost (bundled). Since we have a kid and never do anything else anymore, we were reluctant to cut that for just $30 in savings >>

Your internet service is $85 per month? That is outrageous. Switch providers. I pay $45 for DSL cable internet from AT&T.

You can watch almost anything on Netflix.

[LecMarie]

<< We looked into cutting cable a few months ago, but found that we'd only save about $30/month because the internet is the bulk of the cost (bundled). Since we have a kid and never do anything else anymore, we were reluctant to cut that for just $30 in savings >>

Your internet service is $85 per month? That is outrageous. Switch providers. I pay $45 for DSL cable internet from AT&T.

You can watch almost anything on Netflix.

I will call them again. We recently had another provider move into town so maybe they are more competitive now. They also wanted $350 to cancel the cable

[Petunia 100]

Oh, and enjoy that 3 mo baby. As soon as you blink, she will be moving to another state with her husband. Ask me how I know.

[snshijuptr]

When you sit down with your husband discuss that you need to be putting away enough money to retire someday so that your daughter doesn't have to support you. When DH and I first discussed our priorities,, I kept reiterating that above all else, my greatest fear was burdening my children in my old age. This greatly shaped our savings plan. Just remember that saving for retirement is much more effective after you have taken care of CC debt.