Girlfriend Debt

[Adriansane]

Man.... I hate to sound like the insensitive one...but.... it's HER debt. Not yours. if she cant control her own finances and spending habits, the she isnt fit to be with anyone until she fixes her own life. She's only ruining your life with her frugal ways. 8 years is 7 years too long in my eyes. and if she doesnt even acknowledge that shes hurting you and your financial mental health....then she deserves to live with her debt. dont let it get to the point where it becomes to much for her to handle cuz she's only gonna drag you deeper into HER problems. let her debt consume her....then she'll learn and appreciate all you did for her. dont wanna break up??? take a break till she becomes so overwhelmed that she HAS to admit she has a problem and must face it....and FIX it!!! good luck

[cjscully]

There are a lot of really insensitive posts here.

If two people have been together for 8 years there is a pretty strong relationship there. The fact that they're not engaged or married is irrelevant. I know of several marriages that have been shorter than that.

That said, the situation is sticky and the main issue is trust and communication, not money. The issue also may not be entirely hers. I've seen situations where any discussion of money or finances turned into arguments almost immediately. The key to sorting out what you should do lies in calm rational communication. If you want your relationship to last (and your post suggests to me that you do) then you have to be able to work through this kind of thing and you have to be able to trust each other. She's given you reason not to trust her. She should also be able to earn your trust again.

No one here can give you the answer to your situation. It's too personal.

[solvemybadcredit]

The bad news is: if she lives in the same property your credit records are linked! If she has credit your address, well, I think you are in a deep hole there! If I were you I'd check my and her credit rating and see how much it has been ruined.

By the way, is everything OK in your relationship? Keeping it secret for that long....

[Hector]

It doesn't surprise me to see people checking their bf/gf's credit report before they decided to get married. I think, OP should talk to his gf. Ignoring matter is going to make it worse only. I find it hard for a relationship to survive for long time when people involved in the relationship are not coming together in financial areas.

[thomsoad]

Truth is she wont change so long as you enable her. No reason for her too since you being daddy to her little princess mentality. I also have an issue with the fact that she doesnt care that this is bothering you.

This will break you two if you dont find a way to stop it. You are just penting up anger and frustration. Sooner or later it will boil over and you will just be plain ol done with her.

My advice? You dont need to be married to get counseling. Give that a shot and if that doesnt work at least you know you did all you could.

But you are being delusional if you think she is going to change on her own.

[littleroc02us]

Good luck with that.... Get out if she won't change.

[Pathfinder]

There is one simple way-don't pay her debt any longer!!!

[Pathfinder]

Or kill her .Sorry i am just kidding)

[moneyclass]

its hard to be in a relationship if you dont see eye to eye on finances.

[couchrobt]

Debts should always be discussed between couples (my take that couples considered long term GF-BF). In the 8 years of togetherness, you should already have the arrangements of "sharing" almost everything if not all. Openness, trust, communication, and understanding comes both ways. In your case, you do all. Don't or stop. Otherwise, you are headed to the real bs soon.

[debtdewd]

Man, unless you are married, which it sounds like you are not, I'd be moving on from this one. That's not something you want to keep secret between the closest person to you...

[FinanceVideoGuru]

The best way to determine if she truly wants to fix the debt (and the relationship), is to have her use that car money of 10,000 to pay down some credit cards and use a bike instead. If she commits to proactive solutions, then perhaps you can help her pay down her smallest debt. 8 years is a long time, if you can save this at least try. but only if she is willing to be part of the solution. Good Luck.

[dbstylee]

holy cow! run like hell!

[littleroc02us]

The best way to determine if she truly wants to fix the debt (and the relationship), is to have her use that car money of 10,000 to pay down some credit cards and use a bike instead. If she commits to proactive solutions, then perhaps you can help her pay down her smallest debt. 8 years is a long time, if you can save this at least try. but only if she is willing to be part of the solution. Good Luck.

Best advice yet!

[khosta]

Wow! $30,000 is A LOT of debt, especially since there is nothing to show for it. She needs to get a grip and stop spending. I have a friend who was a huge spender too - she had a great slaary, so she spent on just shopping - clothes, jewlery, shoes, ect... She finally realized she was deep in the hole and she actually started saving! Instead of spending all of her extra money on "things" she started paying off her debt - and I think she's brought it down a lot!
YOu need to have a serious talk with your girlfriend... She needs financial counseling! If she can't see somehting is wrong then there's something wrong with her! I know you love her, so help her!