My mom’s budget.

[lillyb]

Re: My mom’s budget.

The sense of dread I've been feeling just got worse, lol. The OP describes my mom to a 'T'. No plans at all to try to fix herself but will turn to her children (who've been trying to get her to help herself) when she will need help in the future. Bad, bad situation.

[sweeps]

Re: My mom’s budget.

The latest issue of Money magazine (July 06) has several articles on caring for aging parents. Might be worth a read.

[BCHGRL]

Re: My mom’s budget.

I read an article on CNN Money or MSN this week about how few baby boomers are prepared for retirement.

My mom is the same way, and my dad leaves the finances to her. My downfall is that I was very unfrugal in my early twenties -so when I even suggest budget or try to talk to her, she brings up my days of 200 shoes.

She took out a loan to give me a gift for my wedding in April (and didn't tell my dad who thought they had plenty of money with all the overtime he has been working.) I didn't know about it until after the fact. Even though I am 27, she spends $1K or more on just myself and my husband for Christmas. I've begged her not to do so much, but nothing changes.

I have a business trip to Europe this fall. She wants to accompany me, and her first comment was that she could take out a loan to finance it.

I know she is trying to get better. She no longer visits TJ Maxx every week. I just wish she would have the financial awakening I did at 26. Her 50th birthday is in a few months so maybe it will awaken her to reality - maybe! It would just kill me to see my parents in a desperate financial situation when they enter their golden years.

[The Budget Man]

Re: My mom’s budget.

Wow....it is hard to help your parent, but sometimes you have to! My mother is in her late 80"s so I have had to start helping her. She is very frugel though, so that makes it so much easier.

Wish you well with your mother.

Mary Ann

It's great that so many children can help their parents when they are older. It comes down to having the relationship now so that when the time comes you can help. Sometimes there are legal things that can be done to set up what will happen later on. Many older people choose to put the legal rights and protections in place while they still have the ability to be in control of the process.

I spent some time this morning with a gentleman who had sorted his finances well and passed the family farm to the sons. Now 15 years later the structure is in place as he is becoming frailer and less able to look after his money.

Enjoy Your Money
The Budget Man

https://www.PersonalityBudgeting.com

when you need a budget that works

[geneandmegan]

Re: My mom’s budget.

I really appreciate this whole thread b/c I have to say I struggle with the same thing. One of my friends calls it the "wiped your butt" syndrome (ie. they wiped your butt as a baby so they won't listen to anything you have to say now that you are an adult). Sounds crude, but I find it might have some truth.

I mean, it's not like (at least I don't think it's like) she's in a nightmarish situation (like some of the ones described here) but then, she's not on a budget, and doesn't always have enough to pay the bills, or buy food, or stuff like that.

Everything I try, from mentioning great sales, or how much we saved buying bulk, or how comforting a budget is so we know how much we have for everything, or simple around-the-house money saving tips, or ANYTHING are met with the same "That's nice", distant nod kind of reaction. If I push, she gets angry and then absolutely won't listen to anything I say.

What should I do?

[Ima saver]

Re: My mom’s budget.

Doesn't sound like there is much you can do.

[rob62521]

Re: My mom’s budget.

I had a friend whose mother charged everything she saw on tv on her credit cards. She had no income except social security. He called the credit card companies and tried to get her accounts closed, but the cc company would not do it!

When my husband's mom died, I called to close the credit card accounts and one person was persistant in telling me I couldn't. I finally gave her the number of the funeral home so she could check that I was telling the truth that she was truly deceased.

[Ima saver]

Re: My mom’s budget.

This lady is still alive. He is afraid he will be responsible for all of the charges she is running up on her credit cards. I don't think he will, cause his mom has all her assets in his name already!

[vsjhoc]

Re: My mom’s budget.

This lady is still alive. He is afraid he will be responsible for all of the charges she is running up on her credit cards. I don't think he will, cause his mom has all her assets in his name already!

I'm not sure if you're talking about his liability for the credit card debts before or after she dies.

In either case, the issue isn't who owns the assets. It's who's responsible for the debts. If she alone signed the applications for the cards, then she (while she is alive) or her estate (after she has passed) is liable to pay any outstanding debts. Only if he signed the applications as a joint user (not merely an authorized user) would he have to worry. However, this doesn't stop unscrupulous creditors from trying to scare spouses/widows/widowers into paying ...

[Bookie]

Re: My mom’s budget.

This lady is still alive. He is afraid he will be responsible for all of the charges she is running up on her credit cards. I don't think he will, cause his mom has all her assets in his name already!

As long as the son's not listed on the account, he has no liability for the debt. The lender can file a claim against the estate, but if there are no assets, that's a dead issue.

Here's an article on liability for parent's debt.

[Ima saver]

Re: My mom’s budget.

No, the son in not on the accounts. The mother has nothing in her name, he gives her an allowance to live on. He talked her into putting all her assets in his name, as her only child. So, the credit card companies will be up the creek, it looks like.

[savvy06]

Re: My mom’s budget.

Doesn't seem that there is much you can do if she doesn't want your help.
Perhaps she's embarassed to ask you to help? Can you find a way to sit her down and in carring way explain to her that you're worried about her future and retirement. She's your mom, but your family and kids must come first, and even if you wanted to help her, you may not be able to financially. She may realize that she might not want to be a burden and will be open to any help. Good luck!

[neatdesign]

Re: My mom’s budget.

I had a friend whose mother charged everything she saw on tv on her credit cards. She had no income except social security. He called the credit card companies and tried to get her accounts closed, but the cc company would not do it!

I have to admit that this is one of the things that annoyed me most when I worked at Capital One: People assuming that being related to someone gives them the right to inquire about or make changes to that other person's accounts, and then getting pissed off at me when I wouldn't discuss the account with them.

The fact is that federal privacy laws prevent creditors from even ACKNOWLEDGING that an account exists if caller is not listed as either a joint cardholder, power of attorney, authorized user or an "ok-to-speak-with," AND can verify all the account information correctly. Even police officers who call in to report a recovered stolen credit card cannot be given any information about the accountholder or the account (ie, were there any charges made recently which might be fraudulent). Otherwise, the creditors have no other way of knowing who is on the other end of the phone. It COULD be your friend's son, or it could be a complete stranger.

If your friend wants her son to be able to discuss and make changes on her accounts, she needs to either make him a joint cardholder or have him added as a power of attorney. Otherwise, he has no more right to call and close her accounts than you or I do.

As for deceased cardholders, people not listed on the accounts CAN call in to notify the credit card company of the cardholder's death and have the accounts closed. These are usually the spouses or children of the deceased. I know Capital One has a specific department (Estates) that deals with accounts of deceased cardholders, but the customer service people get the initial information and the Estates Dept follows up with the person who called.

~ Jenney