Starting Fresh - Tired of just paying bills

[PhilDanley]

Logic Won't Get You To Your Goal

Ten of us can give you ten different, logical answers on how to get your budget into the black. But if your gut doesn't support the logic, the answers will never be implemented.

Cutting out the gym membership looks logical on paper. But my guess is that with 40 hours of work, 20 hours of commuting plus school time, you need that time to blow off some steam. So that $60 might be what keeps you sane!

I think you're looking for a pixie-dust answer. Unfortunately there isn't one. You and your wife need to sit down and figure out how badly do you really want this? You can't change your behavior until you figure out your values because values drive behavior.

Is it more important for your wife to work more to earn more, or do you both want her working as is and being home with the kids? This is one example of where knowing your values will open or close behavior paths.

You can get back onto the black but it will take some hard work and hard choices.

[Gailete]

I see that your court debt/fines/etc. doesn't seem to be making any progress in the last few years. As someone else stated, you do seem to be the master of minimum payments. Your bills are only going up. You need to stop spending. You and your wife have to be on the same page as this. All those things in bold that could go away, do that. Everything else, see if you can get lower rates. I suspect the insurance is high on your wife due to the car accident, but still spend some time trying to find the lowest rates for the two of you separately and together. Even if it means you have to use two different companies. Also don't forget to ask for discounts. Our house and car insurance are with the same company so we get a discount and get a discount for an alumni program. Every little bit helps especially as some of those discounts you will receive year after year.

It sounds though very much like your wife and you seem to be doing different and separate things with the money you make. Count on me as an older one that doesn't understand not having money in common especially as it seems that a lot of your long term debt is due to your wife. Is she making those payments or is what she is making always her spending money? Neither of you can afford to have more than the minimum of 'spending' money in your financial straits. Maybe, at the risk of being flamed, $25 each per month. Not much or not enough you say? Buddy you are broke and in debt. You don't have ANY money to spend at all as it is all accounted for plus. You are way to young to be in this much debt. At the rate of about $10-20K more of debt each year added on, by the time you are thirty you could be potentially $120-160K in debt! You have to stop the merry-go-round and start slashing debt and do whatever you need to do to get out of debt and then to get financially stable and let me tell you, it is much harder to get out of debt than in it.

What did you buy with all this money? What can you sell at yard sales or second hand stores that will sell the items for you and give your part of the proceeds. Your wife may need to get a full time job to start helping with the bills and home expenses. There are lots of options, but you need to work together on this project. You should even see if you can find a cheaper place to live, hopefully nearer your work. Hard to believe that there is no place between SF and SAC to live more cheaply with less of a commute which is a killer. Same with the excess snacks. Whatever happened to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when you are hungry and carry bottles of water from home. I know you think that you should be able to have more than that, but you don't. This is guerilla warfare to get out of this debt and nothing shouldn't be an option for getting rid of, even to the extend of getting rid of that makeup subscription. Women can live without it. I don't wear it. I've at times in my life gone years without a salon haircut, no makeup, only homemade or thrift store clothes, etc. You do what you need to make ends meet. Even currently since I have had to hire cleaning help (I have severe RA) to help finance it, I have not had a haircut in almost three years. My hair is the longest it has ever been. But then I am used to making financial sacrifices as needed to get and keep my financial life in order and if I really get tired of the hair, my husband can whack it off for me.

So many younger people in our society expect to have everything that middle age and older people have worked for years to get, only they want it instantly. So much better to work together and work hard and at the end have something to show for it other than a stack of bills or bankruptcy (which in my mind, except for huge medical bills, is legalized stealing). I knew a family that almost exactly 7 years after one bankruptcy were filing for it again! One doesn't always do it, but then when I worked with her she would bring lobster tails for her lunch as part of the early Atkins diet. Who can afford lobster every day for lunch anyhow? They may have not thought at that time that they would be going bankrupt, but better financial planning and habits early on might have prevented it by getting them into good financial habits.

[Nutria]

So many younger people in our society expect to have everything that middle age and older people have worked for years to get, only they want it instantly.

I sure did. Part of it is probably my innate mentality, and partly all the advertising -- scientifically designed to tempt me to spend, spend, spend -- I watched for decades.