How can I get out of gift giving this year???

[ronb]

Here's the super awkward situation...

My sister and her husband are super materialistic. I kid you not, I've seen them sit on their laptops for hours buying stupid shi* which "We might want one day when we get a bigger house." I hate it. Makes me squirm. I have to leave the room.

Me on the other hand - I hate stuff. I hate how consumer-driven we are as Americans. I don't want anything for Christmas and don't especially enjoy giving consumer shi* to other people as a way of showing love and appreciation for them. Especially since if the person really wanted/needed the item, they would have it already. If I was giving to a charity organization, I would be fine giving practical and fun gifts.

My parents don't see my sister and her husband often. So they kind of look up to them in a weird way. So my sister and her husband always want everyone to exchange gifts. My parents are down for it. But how can I end this effed up tradition? Can I try to convince everyone to take a mini vacation or something instead?

Note: They all know I'm not poor so I can't just say, "it's just not in the budget this year."

[disneysteve]

If it isn't a financial issue, then I would suggest giving practical gifts rather than materialistic crap. Give them a gift card to a restaurant they like, or show tickets, or a hotel stay, or something like that. Go for an "experience" gift rather than a "object" gift.

The other option, which might not go over as well, is to make a donation to charity in their name.

[FLA]

can you suggest only presents for the kids and something reasonable for a grown person's name which you draw from a hat?

we have cut back so much and no one seems unhappier. Often for adults, they ask for a charitable donation. My mother likes the programs that give a goat or a cow to help a third world country

[phantom]

I second the names out of the hat idea. It's not a perfect solution, but buying one gift for one person is a whole lot better than having to come up with gifts for everyone.

If you can't get out of gift giving completely, I would suggest asking for charitable donations for yourself and try to see the gifts you give others in a different light. What you give someone should not be about what makes you happy, it should be about what makes the other person happy. Even if you think it's dumb that receiving some unnecessary item would make a person feel loved, that doesn't mean the person you're giving it to wouldn't feel loved.

If you think your sister and her husband would enjoy an experience gift, I think DisneySteve's gift card suggestions could be a great way to come up with something wanted-but-not-owned. Consumables, like tea, chocolate, candles, and fancy soap, could also fall in the category of things that people would like to have, but don't have (because the used the ones they had).

[avil_saver36]

How much are the gifts costing you? If it's under $100, I don't think that's something to break a relationship over.

Think about it from the other perspective - you are OK to end an relationship over "materials", so are you not being materialistic yourself?

If the relationship is based upon the power play of how much gift you can afford, there are 2 choices: a) end it as it's not a healthy relationship, or b) suck it up and admit to them that you cannot buy/afford expensive gifts and stick to a budget.

What we do is as follows: We have a list of people whom we want to gift throughput the year. We keep looking for deals constantly and as they are available, we buy the gifts. We have a system that checks for how many people and for what occasions, the gifts have been bought. We wrap the gifts, keep them in a safe place and disburse them when the occasion comes. We buy close to 50 gifts through the year (includes mainly kids birthdays, anniversaries in the family, birthdays in the family, thanksgiving and christmas gifts). Each of our gift averages $20. Our annual gift budget thus is close to $1K. In our experience, that's a reasonable budget for gifts.

[disneysteve]

Consumables, like tea, chocolate, candles, and fancy soap, could also fall in the category of things that people would like to have, but don't have (because the used the ones they had).

I was going to suggest that too. Consumables are a great option, and they're often things that the person won't go out and buy themselves.

For example, if your relative is a big coffee drinker, get a pound of pure Kona beans from Hawaii. If the person is a chocoholic, order them a bag of Valrhona. Get some something that is luxury but consumable that they might not get regularly if at all on their own.

[wincrasher]

I got out of it last year for the first time.

Gave each person cash in a Christmas card and I went on vacation. No exchange. When I got back, I had a few gifts - much less than previous years. Best of all - no complaints. Everybody loves cash - it's always the right color and the right size. It's hard to upset or disappoint someone with cash.

I had the best time away on vacation in the Keys. It wasn't terribly busy and I got to relax without all the holiday BS.

It's my new tradition and I plan on doing it every year from now on.

I told my relatives if they don't like it, then I'd be happy to take them off my "shopping" list.