Getting a Divorce & Starting Over... need some options

[Gailete]

1st, I hope you have already protected yourself and your credit by cancelling any CCs that she has shared or any access to financial assets or information not court assigned

Absolutely!! Great advice. When getting rid of the husband that got us $40K into credit card debt. I got my name off of any card I could except for those only in my name already so that from the time he moved out until the divorce was final and the house sold, I was only paying on 'my' credit cards and he was supposedly paying on his-HA! I also calculated what he owed on those cards so I would know exactly what debt he left with so that he couldn't insist on a bigger chunk of the 'profit' when the house sold from what he was spending in those months after he moved out. He had been charging all along, while I hadn't used a credit card in months so that I had already knocked off well over a $1K in the couple months till things were finished. So you need to know these things. You may think you know people and that wouldn't come back after you for more but they do. Several years after the divorce and right after I got remarried he had the gall to call me and tell me I owed him money on a 401K loan that we had used to remodel the kitchen. Not my problem at that point.

[New Life]

This is a tough situation because I understand all of the positives of slowly paying her off over time, yet I also would rather owe a bank money (even with interest) then to owe an individual person money. I think the BIGGEST reason why I am willing to try to set up an account and slowly add money is because of the point that "Gailete" made about the wife coming back for more if I am able to pay it all off at once. I hadn't thought of that and would be extremely upset if that were to happen.

I should add that right now the wife and I are still getting alone fairly well. Mainly because I am an awesome guy and I have gone out of my way to keep us friendly. I could have and should have lost my mind multiple times and really been done with her, however she is a mess and I am a caring person so I feel for her, I am still trying to protect her and look out for her.

After the divorce is 100% done I will close the one credit card that has her name on it. I will set up a savings account with her name on it. I will set up an auto draft from each paycheck (bi-monthly) for $400. Losing $400 a check will hurt, but I will make the necessary adjustments with my life style. After a couple years I will probably look at how much I owe and just cut a check to be completely done.

For myself I will

• leave my 401K alone.
• continue to build my 401K @ 10% (6% mine, 4% comp match) of my annual salary.
• leave my savings alone, and slowly add to when I can.
• close the one credit card that we have together.
• try to pay off the house as fast as possible.
• consider starting a small business to earn side money. Anything extra will go directly to the house first.
• have some fun with my new life... travel, date, relax, just have fun and not stress.

Seriously thank you all for any and all advice. I appreciate every single comment that each of you have added.

NL.

[thomasdan]

Sorry that you have to go through this.

If I was in your situation and most would probably dis agree with going this route. BUt for me and just for my mental health aspect of it. I would definately look into taking a loan out of your 401k instead of withdrawl. You will be paying intrest back to yourself.(but only if your job is a stable) look into it. Im not a fan of touching your EF especially cause its called EF for a reason. you have a good amount in your 401k at the age of 35. Your Income is great and would have no problem adding back to your 401k. The peace of Mind knowing that you can move on from the divorce is so much more important than the actual finace part of this divorce.