Would you let your friends/relatives be in charge of your investments?

[breathemusic]

It's one thing to ask family members who you know have experience in finance for advice, or to use them as a sound board. It's another thing for family to ask you about your own finances and expect you to share the answer.

I've discussed money with my family, but usually I'm asking advice, or one of them brough up some purchase/invenstment they were planning to make and invited open discussion. But we all know that if at any point, someone doesn't want to share the info, all they have to say is, "I'd rather not say" and it's the end of it, no big deal.

I agree with everyone here that given the situation you described, it sounds better to not discuss the finances. Or if you need to, just use the broad statements of saying that you've got a plan, like was previously suggested.

I definitely wouldn't move your money though, no matter what the management fee was.

[Gailete]

think her stance to just say "It's between you and them" is very wrong.

Very much a red flag. First time I heard that uttered by my ex-husband, my MIL was in my front yard digging up my flower bed to plant what she wanted in it--at MY house! He was in the house and I went to talk to him about it. In the 13 years of marriage he never once took my side and let his mom walk all over me as much as she wanted. It may seem little now but these things grow. Assuming your GF will be part of this long range financial investment, she absolutely has to be united with you, not waffling on the sidelines or mentally taking Dad's side.

You have to just tell them no. You have your own plan set up that you are comfortable with and you have no desire to have your finances, much less everyone else's paraded before everyone at dinner on Sundays or any other day of the week.


Just knowing a little about others in the families finances can be irritating, and just too much information. I certainly wouldn't want to sit down to Sunday dinner knowing that Dad is going to be spilling the beans about everyone's investments as that should always be private information. If he is saying stuff to people without permission, couldn't he lose his license? For instance telling BIL that the value of his stocks went down and then telling SIL that hers went up, etc. If this is the regular Sunday dinner conversation, sounds like they are all obsessed with money.

[scfr]

My fiancees Mom saw the conversation was quickly getting out of hand, and changed the topic.

Well, at least it sounds like the mom has some sense of appropriate extended family dinner table talk.

Does your fiancee agree with your decision not to invest with her dad`s company? If so, then perhaps she could talk things over with her mom, let her know where the two of you stand, and make it clear that you are not going to invest with them. She could also make it clear that if you are put on the spot like that again, neither of you will be coming to Sunday dinner anymore. The mom would probably have some idea of how to approach the dad about that.

On the other hand, if your fiancee WANTS to invest with her dad`s company, then I think you need to be open to the possibility of going along with her investing her retirement savings with their company, no matter how much it bothers you. If she chooses to put family harmony over what makes the most sense financially, that is her choice. (Of course, she`d need to back you up on your decision not to invest your retirement savings with him.)

P.S. - To answer your original question, NO I would never let a family member be in charge of my investments ... Unless John Bogle was my grandpa!

[dczech09]

I do not like the idea of investment manage companies in general. The whole "family" thing is not really a concern of mine. I am of the opinion that you should never hand over the management of your investments to anyone, even a management firm.

Investing YOUR money should be done yourself. You pick the investments and make the decisions. Outsourcing this to someone else is precisely how many athletes and high profile people run out of money. It is cool to have an advisor who gives advice and helps you by providing counsel, but you ultimately are the boss in the end.

This is all my opinion.

Anyway, what this couple does with their money is NOT the dad's business whatsoever. I think that is a complete overstepping of bounds. The couple needs to be on the same page and this should no longer be up for discussion, especially at family dinners.

[~bs]

i think in general, aside from giving advice, it's better to keep friends/fammily and business separate. I try to shy away from from dealing with people I know in my own business. To me, the long term relationship is more important than making a profit or potentially making the relationship stronger by helping them out professionally. Seen/heard of falling outs that killed close relationships. Simply not worth it to me, too little to gain, too much to lose.

[shaggy]

Never hire someone you can't fire.

[sandrark]

I've dealt with similar. My brother is a financial advisor. When he first started out, he asked everyone in the family (friends too) to invest with him, since his bonuses and commissions depended on assets under management.

My mother moved her investments, and then started hounding me to move mine.

My compromise - we moved my IRAs to his firm for a one year period. My deal was that IF he could do better than I in that time, I'd move my other investments over.

Well, surprise, surprise, the ones I managed did better than his did. And dear brother was doing well, so he got bumped upstairs to manage other people's larger portfolios - so we no longer met his minimums. As a result, the pressure waned, and my mom stopped pushing.

Personally, if your fiancee wanted to move her retirement funds over to her dad's firm, that would be one thing. But to require/request your accounts too? Uh, no way, no thanks.

IIWY, I'd pull the MIL away at some point, tell her that this makes you very uncomfortable, and ask her advice on how to deal with it next time he tries to publicly shame you into rolling over. Frankly, his actions are those of a bully, and I don't knuckle under to bullies.

[Jerry91]

You cannot manage the situation and I would tell you that you shouldn't even think of it. I personally think that you should take your own decision regarding investment and saving and should go with a company with whom you feel comfortable.

[Sheila89]

You guys are his children. So if he loves you, he'll respect whatever your decision will be.

[dunnrobert700]

While I completely agree with you that 1.6% is absurd and very unlikely to be justified, I don't think I'd play it that way in the family arena. You were too honest, you're allowed to make decisions like this for yourself without explaining all of your reasoning and you made it about his business (in front of some of his other customers) instead of about your personal decision.

The way I would play it going forward is to downplay your objection to the management fee and simply state that the real issue is that you're the kind of do-it-yourselfer that likes to manage his own investments, that you've taken the time to learn what you need to know and feel very strongly that it is your personal responsibility.

This way it's not an insult to the in-laws. Hold your ground there and it should be a short conversation, don't budge an inch and you should prevail. Try to avoid the subject and while talking general financial ideas and strategy with the in-laws is fine if that's what they do, never talk specifics about your financial circumstances again and definitely don't brag about how well your investments are doing.

[Gailete]

You guys are his children. So if he loves you, he'll respect whatever your decision will be

Unfortunately that isn't always the case and this father in law could resent this son in law for the rest of his life since he wouldn't invest his money with him. It could literally ruin the marriage. Not everyone has the common sense to back off when needed, and the family doesn't sound like they have it. What would he be doing if the new son in law to be had his own father with an investment company? Expect him to dump his dad's company and still come to him. And then what happens when dear old dad makes some bad decisions and the whole family ends up losing their shirts? Will the family sue dad for mismanagement of funds? I guess since I don't like talking about my finances and investments too much, especially with family, something like this just sends chills down my spine. Hard enough to deal with some in laws much less when they have your life savings in their hands!