The budget that I need the wife to agree to...

[gostumpy]

"All you think about is money"
"I hate money"

Those two things were said last night when we tried to talk about budgeting ourselves since we're trying for a baby...

She is actually offended that I am worried about finances when we are starting a family...

"Starting a family has nothing to do with money!"
"Honey, having a baby costs money, so yes it does..."
"It's not about the money!"


UGH this is an uphill battle

[gostumpy]

I think the general consensus is that if she doesn't want to deal with the finances, then I should take it over and let her have a monthly allowance... I don't mind doing all the budgeting, as long as she isn't feeling suffocated...

[gostumpy]

Que?

..

[neatdesign]

I think the general consensus is that if she doesn't want to deal with the finances, then I should take it over and let her have a monthly allowance... I don't mind doing all the budgeting, as long as she isn't feeling suffocated...

If your wife's response to your attempts to discuss finances with her is "I hate money!" and "Starting a family has nothing to do with money!" then what you described above is NOT a good solution to your joint money management.

In my opinion, it's also indicative that perhaps she's not mature enough to start a family just yet.

[disneysteve]

"Starting a family has nothing to do with money!"

Someone who says this clearly has not yet gotten a grip on the financial realities of adulthood.

Diapers, wipes, clothing, food, nursery furnishings, car seats, strollers, toys, doctor copays, lost income from SAHM and/or daycare, higher utility bills, college savings... shall I go on.

Your problem goes way, way beyond finances.

[gostumpy]

Granted, I'm sure her response was a bit aimed at me "obsessing" about budgeting... but she really has no idea... "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it"

[snafu]

You and your wife are not on the same page on the issue of money and how it's used. This is very serious because problems grow over the years along with the debt. Money is the most common issue couples argue about and it gets worse as the debt gets bigger.

Since words aren't working, I'd suggest something visual. Use play money [like Monopoly] and divide it out to replicate your income and what you owe. I'd fan out sums for each bill & debt like cards in a deck and tack it through the middle so it will attach to the wall down the hall. Add signs like Mobile & Pad $ 1,519, CC#1 $ 3,600, CC#2 $ 2,300, Loan # 1 $___, Loan #2 ____, Loan #3 $____, Food $ 400., etc.

Perhaps you'd prefer to try a couple of counseling sessions to improve communication skills. You both need to work as a team, that's an important element in marriage. I believe children need their parents to set goals and work together for the good of the family.