Could not admit to my financial picture

[Nika]

I had help this weekend from my moms friend cleaning my apartment. Once in a while we will invite her and get caught up with really thorough vacuuming and washing of floors...
So we were chatting about the apartment and I mentioned that the kitchen is not made conveniently and I was considering re-doing it (there is currently no sitting area, I don't like counter-tops, or ikea cabinets etc).
She mentioned the make-over shows and I thought the chances of that were same as a lottery.

It is expensive to renovate the kitchen that is why I have not yet decided to take the plunge, as I think re-doing it would cost at least 30K.
She thought it would cost 15 (she rents and really has no idea).
Than she said that she knows you can, for example if your mortgage is 1,200 (Ha! my maintenance is more than that) renovate the kitchen and my mortgage would be 1,600-1,800.

When I said that I did not think it was a good idea at all, she said "what else can you do, people don't just have 15K lying around. Do you have that kind of money?." With the inflection of voice that implies that of course, I don't. And I did not say anything. I don't know why. We have close to 70K saved outside retirement accounts (EF/investments). I don't know why I felt I could not just admit that yes, I do have it. Seemed wrong somehow at the moment. I'm trying to figure out why. Maybe because she was working very hard on her day off to make extra $100. Harder than I ever had to work for it. And now I am making more "extra" (meaning outside my paycheck) money on my investments than she does sweating and scrubbing floors. It does make me feel somewhat uncomfortable, because to me there is a lot of value in what she does.

But I did not inherit this money, we saved and invested from our salary (which is considerably bigger than hers). But also, I think my mom and her friends don't think we are doing as well, because we don't spend everything we make on things everybody can see. Our splurges are on things that are important to us, like nice meals and vacations, experiences and things for baby, not something very visible, like a BMW. And we are still seen like kids in a way.

Anyway, I kept quiet about savings, and did not dispel her beliefs of how things work financially. It may be a disservice, because really, she has no examples around her that illustrate something different than what she beliefs.

[bjl584]

I keep quiet about my financial picture as well. Here, at this site, I talk about it. But this is the internet, and no one really knows who I am. To family and friends and coworkers I don't say much. There is a certain taboo when it comes to talking about money, and I'm not willing to really break it. It would probably cause more resentment with people than anything else. I am happy being quiet about things.

[seen]

I made it a rule to never tell anyone how much I really have saved, for the sole reason that telling others doesn't benefit me in any way. Internet sites like these would be the exception since it's anonymous; plus it feels good to be appreciated for hitting those goals and inspiring others to do the same, but for me the only person who has an idea of what I have in total is my dad.

[papa_squat]

I used to tell my parents how much savings my husband and I had to let them know that we were financially doing smart things and planning ahead. In hindsight, I was also seeking validation because my parent's divorce resulted from financial issues and the stress and mistrust brought on by debt, so I also wanted to assure them that our marriage was off to a health start. I stopped doing this after my father asked me for a loan. Again, disclosing financial issues is awkward with total strangers, but it can be even worse around family.

[phantom]

I enjoy talking about money, but it definitely can be tough without getting into specifics and/or sounding rude. If someone asked me directly if I had $X just sitting around, even if they asked rhetorically, I would probably say that I did if that were the case. I welcome the opportunity to dispel the notion that saving money is impossible. People talk freely about acting irresponsibly with money all of the time, so when I can find a way to talk freely about responsibility, I do.

I was really excited when I started my current job and asked a co-worker how he was only to hear "better than I deserve" as a response. I asked if that meant he listened to Dave Ramsey, and he said it did. Since then we've been able to have casual money discussions, knowing that we're on basically the same page. We both bought used cars recently, and it was really refreshing to trade stories about trying to get car salesmen to understand that we didn't care how affordable they could make our monthly payments.

[Slug]

There should be a safe word for people willing to have real conversations about $. Sad but true.

[BMEPhDinCO]

There should be a safe word for people willing to have real conversations about $. Sad but true.

This!

I often hear hints of issues but I don't want to butt in, even if I think I can help. I wish there was a way to be more open about money, I'd love to get help from real people but it's a taboo topic.

[YLTL_Dan]

I've struggled with this quite a bit because my wife and I make quite a bit more than the rest of the family. My parents have an idea of how we're doing, but we try to keep it quite with everyone else just because we don't want to "flaunt it". I very rarely talk about salary/savings/investments specifics on my blog besides when I talk about how much I made when I paid off my debt. I'd rather have people think we make less than we do... just the other day my wife saw an old college friend and she was amazed my wife still has the same car she had in college - ten years ago! You could tell in her mind it meant we didn't have any money... but as everyone on this board knows... an old car means you can actually have money!

[UnknownXV]

I am 22 and I almost have that saved. There is no shame in admitting it. In fact it's something to be proud of.. extremely proud of.

The key point though, is that most people who have 5 figures or more saved or invested aren't the types who like to spend money. If you're like me, you cringe at the very idea of it. It's that attitude that lends to our saving lifestyle.

Of course, if you have a really good job, that certainly helps. I can't deny that I am envious of people who earn a lot more than I do, who isn't? But I'm jealous for different reasons. I earn barely $15,000 a year but I save %50 of that. When I think of people who earn $100,000 it's not in the light of "imagine on what I could spend all that extra money" but all in "imagine saving $90,000 a year before interest..."

Again, mindset.. people's attitudes. It's ingrained in us, and talking about it, especially with your family, is a good thing in my opinion. I'm not sure why finances seem more taboo than sex, violence, etc...

I made it a rule to never tell anyone how much I really have saved, for the sole reason that telling others doesn't benefit me in any way. Internet sites like these would be the exception since it's anonymous; plus it feels good to be appreciated for hitting those goals and inspiring others to do the same, but for me the only person who has an idea of what I have in total is my dad.

I've told a couple friends, and my family about my savings goals and achievements so far... and I do it, quite simply, because it makes me feel good. It reaffirms in me, yes.. I am doing well for my age.

I think it has something to do with the fact that I have to sacrifice just about everything besides food and shelter in order to save as much as I do, because higher paying jobs aren't on the table for me. I feel like the satisfaction of praise from others is all the reward I get.. I see the money in my bank sitting there, knowing how dramatically it could improve my life.. but day in day out I have to void the temptation to spend it.

I've struggled with this quite a bit because my wife and I make quite a bit more than the rest of the family. My parents have an idea of how we're doing, but we try to keep it quite with everyone else just because we don't want to "flaunt it". I very rarely talk about salary/savings/investments specifics on my blog besides when I talk about how much I made when I paid off my debt. I'd rather have people think we make less than we do... just the other day my wife saw an old college friend and she was amazed my wife still has the same car she had in college - ten years ago! You could tell in her mind it meant we didn't have any money... but as everyone on this board knows... an old car means you can actually have money!

Tell me someone's age, the car they drive and their job, and I'd probably be able to guess exactly how much they have saved.

The car.. it's all in the car.

[phantom]

Tell me someone's age, the car they drive and their job, and I'd probably be able to guess exactly how much they have saved.

The car.. it's all in the car.

I'll play. My husband and I are 33 and 30, both computer programers, and we drive a 2009 Mercury Milan and a 2004 Jeep Liberty. What's your guess as to how much we have saved. I don't think I've ever said here exactly how much we have, but no fair looking to see if I've given hints! Be sure to specify whether or not your guess includes things like retirement accounts and equity our house.

[UnknownXV]

I'll play. My husband and I are 33 and 30, both computer programers, and we drive a 2009 Mercury Milan and a 2004 Jeep Liberty. What's your guess as to how much we have saved. I don't think I've ever said here exactly how much we have, but no fair looking to see if I've given hints! Be sure to specify whether or not your guess includes things like retirement accounts and equity our house.

Alright let me see if I'm as good as I think.

Before I guess though, when you bought the car, was it new or used?

[seen]

I've told a couple friends, and my family about my savings goals and achievements so far... and I do it, quite simply, because it makes me feel good. It reaffirms in me, yes.. I am doing well for my age.

I used to have that same mentality when I was younger. I agree with you, it does feel good to tell someone my financial achievements, but that kind of happiness is fleeting and it comes at a long term cost. In my case what happened was eventually friends started having expectations of me; that I should be able to afford this or that, go on expensive dinners with them all the time, etc. A friend once asked me if they could borrow money. It wasn't a small amount either. After that I realized I need to watch what I say, atleast financially, around friends.

However that's just personal experience. If telling others what you have saved works out for you, it's win win

Tell me someone's age, the car they drive and their job, and I'd probably be able to guess exactly how much they have saved.

The car.. it's all in the car.

I'll play also. I'm 33, single, a software developer and project coordinator at my job. I drive a 2004 Honda Civic that I bought used.

[UnknownXV]

I used to have that same mentality when I was younger. I agree with you, it does feel good to tell someone my financial achievements, but that kind of happiness is fleeting and it comes at a long term cost. In my case what happened was eventually friends started having expectations of me; that I should be able to afford this or that, go on expensive dinners with them all the time, etc. A friend once asked me if they could borrow money. It wasn't a small amount either. After that I realized I need to watch what I say, atleast financially, around friends.

However that's just personal experience. If telling others what you have saved works out for you, it's win win

I think you're right, yes. I need to be careful who I tell.. I'll probably relegate it to family only.

I'll play also. I'm 33, single, a software developer and project coordinator at my job. I drive a 2004 Honda Civic that I bought used.

A lot of people want to play.. alright let me give it a shot.

I will guess your pay to be about $55,000. You're single, lowers expenses significantly. Still want to have fun at that age. 8 year old used car.

Started saving at 24, paid off student debt, possible credit card debt (we've all been there before wising up eh) ...

Pay was lower initially..

Okay. My guess is you have about $110,000 saved in total, counting any 401ks and equity.

[phantom]

Alright let me see if I'm as good as I think.

Before I guess though, when you bought the car, was it new or used?

The Jeep was purchased new, and the Mercury was purchased used.

[UnknownXV]

I'll play. My husband and I are 33 and 30, both computer programers, and we drive a 2009 Mercury Milan and a 2004 Jeep Liberty. What's your guess as to how much we have saved. I don't think I've ever said here exactly how much we have, but no fair looking to see if I've given hints! Be sure to specify whether or not your guess includes things like retirement accounts and equity our house.

Okay let's do this.

33 and 30. Assume average saving age started at 23. Student loans, CC debt, clear.

Computer programmer. Average pay, 35k; modest estimate. x2. 70k annual. Possible bonus. 4k. Taxes -20%

57k

Lower pay estimate for start of career.

One new Jeep.. may have thrown me off, we'll see. I wonder, do you have a kid too?

Net savings including 401k and equity: $80,000.

Hah, this is harder than I thought. There are so many variables to consider.