My 18 year old daughter received and the life insurance policy left to her

[Metimes3]

My ex-husband passed away a year ago, and left life insurance policies for our children. There were no guidelines listed, so when she turned 18 she received the proceeds from the 1st policy, which was about 40,000. Plus there is another policy for over a 100,000 dollars, which she has not gotten yet. He intended this money to help pay for college and support them should something happen to him. She has moved in with her boyfriend, enrolled in college classes for three semesters and withdrawn or failed each semester. She is not working, lied to me about this last semester (told me she got 2 b's and 2 a's), but in actuality got F's and withdrew. Do I cut off all of my support for her, and let her go through her money recklessly? I would love to try to set up some kind of account where she is only given money from the insurance proceeds in installments. She already went through the 40,000.....

[bjl584]

That's more of a family question than it is a financial one. I don't really have an answer to your situation, but it may be better to have your daughter at home so you can supervise what she is doing.

[Slug]

The type of disbursement you are talking about usually is found in the will of the deceased. In fact, it's written into my wife's and mine. If there was nothing in writing and the policies list her as the beneficiary, then you are stuck. $40k won't last long at her current burn rate. She may need to blow it all to learn a lesson. One would hope she would realize it sooner than later. As her parent, I would certainly not be making life easier on her with regards to finance. Hopefully, by the time she has access to the $100k, she will have come to her senses.

[JoeP]

That's more of a family question than it is a financial one. I don't really have an answer to your situation, but it may be better to have your daughter at home so you can supervise what she is doing.

This is my thinking as well. She needs emotional and financial guidance.

[BMEPhDinCO]

From a money standpoint - it's hers. She's 18 and that's a legal adult in this country. If you were not also on the policy, there's nothing you can do. If you have other children that are supposed to share those amounts and they are under 18, you may have recourse as their legal guardians and that would give you the ability to control the money. If it's just in her name though, there's nothing you can do.

That said, I would try and talk with her, see if together you can come up with a happier family life.

[Metimes3]

Thank you for your responses. Her father had the policies, but no will. Lots of emotions for her over his death and sickness.
100,000 is a lot to have at the age of 18 ( she is 19 now), but i've tried to hold off on the other policy. My thinking is that I could have a lawyer set up something disbursing the money in increments, but I am at a loss as to how much those should be. I am thinking that she would agree to this, after blowing through so much already. I want her (and my other children) to be more money conscious.

[disneysteve]

My thinking is that I could have a lawyer set up something disbursing the money in increments

She is an adult and she is the beneficiary of the money. You have no control over it at all unfortunately. You can not do anything, with or without a lawyer. It isn't your money to manage.

Now if you can sit down with her and she agrees that she'd like help managing this money so that she doesn't blow it on shoes, purses and martinis, that's a different story. Then you could certainly accompany her to a broker or financial adviser or lawyer and explore options for either investing it and having her get a regular disbursement or setting up some type of trust or whatever so that she can't burn through it with no limits.

[NorthernCalGal]

My husband and I have made it clear to our college-aged sons that we will support them as long as they are in school -- and the one who went away to school (costing us A LOT more than the one living at home going to a junior college) was told we would pay for only 4 years and then he would be on his own (it was very doable for him to finish in 4 years). Guess what? He just graduated and did it in 4 years Part of that arrangement included us having the passwords to view his online academic record/registration status/grades at any time -- most colleges now have all of that available online.

I would have a long talk with her and possibly go see a counselor with her. Is she just a spoiled brat or is there more too it? Could she possibly have a learning disability? Is she depressed about her father's passing? What type of guy is the boyfriend? Will he support her?

Ultimately, though, I would not financially support her at all (sounds like you are now) and ask her how she will feel if she ends up with no money in the next year or two. And you might talk to her about why her father gave her the policy and how to honor him by managing it in a mature way. You could also show her charts about how much the money would be worth in 10 years, 20 years, etc. if she invested it now. She's an adult now and I would talk to her like an adult -- but supporting her so she can be a bum is not helping her -- you are just training her to be a bum the rest of her life.

Good luck! There are some good books on this topic -- do a search on Amazon.com for "boundaries" and you might find one you'd like to read.