almost 40, no retirement, what to do?

[KennySoward]

I'm also sorry you are in this position. It takes two to tango, and it sounds like your DH doesn't want to dance. Honestly, you may need a relationship councelor more than anything at this point, especially if the stress causes you physical illness.

I'm sure he wouldn't be interested in counceling either

It sounds like you have all the sense in the relationship.

Eventually, you'll need to make a decision. Either he goes (bye bye) and you try to manage life on your own, or you figure out a way to work around his hang ups.

Tough spot.

[cschin4]

That's great. As a doctor, I have to agree that so much medication could be eliminated if people would just make some basic lifestyle changes - eat less, exercise more.

I'd be very careful about the thyroid medication, though. Once someone's thyroid becomes underactive, it stays that way for life. It doesn't suddenly start working normally again. So if you stopped your med, please get your bloodwork checked every few months. Most likely, the level will drift back down and you will need to restart the medication. That isn't really something you can control by lifestyle modification.

Agreed. I did have a low functioning thyroid and i do get the levels checked periodically.

[Denisem1]

How long have you had your whole life policy? You might want to consider replacing it with a cheap term life insurance policy instead. You can get a 30-year term policy for pretty much less than what you are paying now for whole life. However, if you’re whole life insurance policy has accrued a fairly good amount of cash value you can withdraw from your policy without having to show collateral. You would need to pay this money back with interest, but if you don’t, the life insurance company will simply deduct the amount with interest from the death benefits. Speak to your life insurance company or your agent to find out more details.

Denise Mancini
Disclaimer: I work for AccuQuote and this is my personal opinion.

[DebbieL]

Then I guess the problem is really between you and your DH. Why won't he get a full-time job? His business obviously isn't lucrative, and he's been at it long enough to know. We can't just live in fantasy land our whole lives. Most of us don't really "want" to have full-time jobs - gee, what a drag! We do it because that's what an adult does - taking care of business.

I'm sorry you are in such a stressful situation. I don't really know what to suggest if one partner won't get on the same page.

[1NerveWonder]

You have to take a radical look at how you really want to live your life and what is important to you. For me, having no debt is how i want to live and if that means just an OK home and just an OK car but money in the bank and peace of mind, that is the lifestyle i have worked out. If you want life on a farm and that type of lifestyle, then you need to set your life up in such as way as congruent to that. To me, a big house and lots of yard is just more expensive maintenance i don't need or want. Same with stuff. More stuff is more stuff to pay for, clean, service, and maintain. I just want a simple life. Talking a walk in the woods with my dog is enough for me. Or, reading a good book, or playing a board game with my kids. i don't need high end stuff nor want it. I dont' really like to travel all that much. We have local theater and restaurants. And, for fun we go for Friday night HS football. What could be better than that?

I don't need stuff, and I agree with ya!

[1NerveWonder]

1. He needs to get a full time job. If self employment isn't really bringing in the bacon, no bennies, then it isn't working. He should get a full time job and work his other business on the side.
2. You should get a full time job. That would solve your money issues.

Next, look at how you really want to live. Do you really want to live on and care for 11 acres as you begin moving into the next decades? Are you into farming and gardening? If so, you could sell and find a smaller, more easy to maintain property and you dont' need a lot of room for a garden for 2 people. And, you would have more time to spend working your job which actually brings you in money and less time maintaining and fixing at home. And, keep at boats if you enjoy them as they are probably fun and entertaining.

My thoughts too. Can't convince the DH

[1NerveWonder]

What are the 11.5 acres like? If it is flat you could rent it out to a horse riding company? If you can grow food on the land maybe a farmer? This would bring in extra income through out the year; you have a lot of land so while your husband wants to ride out the economy then try to use the resources you have.

Our land is all hillside. It would be nice to farm if I would not have to worry about water run-off washing away my plants.

[1NerveWonder]

People always talk about canceling cable TV. First, it isnt so simple nowadays. Most dish type cable services involve contracts so you cannot simply cancel. And, TV is still fairly cheap entertainment. And, if you enjoy it, i would keep it.
Some things that stand out:

Whole life insurance? Dump it. You can buy a term life policy much cheaper. The point of insurance is to be insured, not use the whole life part as a cash vehicle. It is just expensive insurance and with whole life you will wind up with less insurance than you need.

Prescriptions. $127 a month? For what? Are there cheaper generics? Or, can you get off the medication in lieu of other lifestyle changes? And, before you balk, you CAN make changes in medication. Many people think that once they are on something they have to be on it for life. I have been on BP meds, thyroid meds, acid reflux meds as well and made some changes, weaned off of them (in conjunction with my doctor who is willing to reassess what i need) and now take no medications.

The prescriptions are his and mine combined, and we do get all the generics available. I would love to be able to stop my meds. I have tried lifestyle changes, but I stay stressed a lot which causes my BP to remain high, my sugar levels go haywire then comes the anxiety attacks. Before we built our home and I worked from home the only meds I took was one BP pill daily. Some days I just feel like screaming because I do not know how much more I can take without losing my mind. My DH has offered to take on more responsibilities around the house, which is awesome and I will take him up on his offer although it still doesn't solve the money issue.

[1NerveWonder]

Years ago, I used to live on the edge. I had constant reflux problems and bleeding ulsers. We had a nice house with a pool, car payments, HEL, a credit card balance and no emergency fund(used our IRA savings on many occasions).

We sold our home during the 02 recession. Paid off all of our debts and kinda started doing a better job, but did not really establish a solid budget. We ended up in 2007 with a truck payment, little money going into IRA's and no emergency fund.

Then I heard of a possible recession. The last one(as small as it was)was enough to rock my boat. This time I quit my golf membership, cable, setup a strict budget, started working more hours and got serious.

First thing we paid off the truck, built an 3 months emergency fund and got used to living on one paycheck while saving the other. Today, we have more than 6 months EF, we have a car fund, a building fund, maxout roths and are sticking to our plan. I no longer have bleeding ulsers or worry about possible emergencies.

Don't be afraid to do the extreme to get where you want to go. Aside from ourselves everything else is just stuff. I would not have a single boat sitting around when I have no EF. If I could not quickly get out of debt, I would sell my house. Good luck.

I am not at all scared to do the extreme, my DH is the scared one. I do not carry stress well and it effects me physically. There are so many reasons as to why I think we should sell but he wants to stay. He says he does not want to go backwards, but I am scared we will not make it forward. I agree it is "just stuff" and "us" is the most important.

[KennySoward]

I agree with the "need to increase income" statements. Unfortunately, if you are behind (like I was) you need to think about how to bring in more income. Of course, cutting some things at the same time as suggested; maybe selling some land, consider what things you don't need like cable TV.

Honestly, when I took on a second job to get out of debt, that eliminated a lot of expenses for me because I rarely had time to watch TV or eat at restaurants, etc. Just remember, whatever you do doesn't have to be forever. Just think of some things to get the ball rolling. It sounds like you have some room to do more.

It is simple numbers. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you choose to leave things as they are, you will struggle in retirement. You won't have the option of working more hours or finding creative ways to make additional income when you are 60. Not like you can when you are 30, 40 or 50.

Good luck, and I hope some of our advice helps.

[Eric80]

What are the 11.5 acres like? If it is flat you could rent it out to a horse riding company? If you can grow food on the land maybe a farmer? This would bring in extra income through out the year; you have a lot of land so while your husband wants to ride out the economy then try to use the resources you have.

[cschin4]

Cholesterol - I have always had high cholesterol. I have had high cholesterol since the first time it was checked in college. My dad had high cholesterol and so does my sis. I think it is something we are predisposed too. However, i completely disagree with the need to treat this. I simply do not believe the science behind it and i am not going to expose myself to the liver damage or muscle damage potentially caused by statin meds. I think they are grossly over promoted and prescribed. That is my opinion and i may be wrong and if so, then it is my choice to suffer the consequences. But, i cannot take something i don't believe in and that is my choice to take or not.

[cschin4]

High blood pressure - I went through a period where my BP skyrocketted to 170/110. My normal BP has always been about 110/60 or lower. I was going through a rough patch in life stress wise and some other ailments. I did a period of Atenolol. Over time the BP normalized and i discussed going off this medication with my doctor. He agreed. I weaned off it and now have no further BP issues. I self check my BP at home and only asked to wean after i period of normal and controlled BP. I think there are a lot of doctors who just assume that the problem is "for life" and simply don't take the time to reevaluate and the patients don't pursue it either.

[cschin4]

My doctor is great and realizes i am just not into taking pills. When i had a period of GERD, i did Aciphex and also was careful of my diet. Over time the Aciphex worked, the symptoms were relieved and i think part of the problem in that is the inflammation or irritation that is from the Gerd. Once that cleared, i asked to go off the Aciphex because i felt fine and of course i could have resumed it if the symptoms reappeared and i have had to so periodically. But, i have not taken a GERD medicine now in over 3 yrs.

[cschin4]

That's great. As a doctor, I have to agree that so much medication could be eliminated if people would just make some basic lifestyle changes - eat less, exercise more.

I'd be very careful about the thyroid medication, though. Once someone's thyroid becomes underactive, it stays that way for life. It doesn't suddenly start working normally again. So if you stopped your med, please get your bloodwork checked every few months. Most likely, the level will drift back down and you will need to restart the medication. That isn't really something you can control by lifestyle modification.

I did have a period of low functioning thyroid and thyroiditis. I went on synthroid for a period of time but it simply did not make me feel any better and at some point, the dose was a bit excessive and even pushed me into a hyperthyroid state. So, i went off and over time, my thyroid tests did normalize.