financial distress due to separation-advice please!

[marvholly]

Apparently this poster does NOT care for all the good advice given here as it is over a week & OP has not been back. I see this constantly.

[lennygaudy]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your feedback and suggestions. I'm sorry for the delayed response but I have been very busy fixing up the house in preparation for listing it for sale/rent and since I disconnected the internet service at home I have limited access to the web. I hope to be ready to list the house this week-I've already informed the realtor. The realtor is going to list it for both sale and rent and if it doesn't sell immediately then I will rent it out for the time being and see if I can make that work. I have made arrangements to stay with a friend rent-free while the house is on the market and if I end up having to rent it my friend said I can stay there for a minimal monthly payment for as long as I need.

I will try to answer everyone's questions individually now in separate posts.

Thanks again for all of your help.

[lennygaudy]

I'm guessing your ex-partner was the primary wage earner. Whose name is on the loan? If it is you alone, how did you qualify? Did you formerly earn a lot more money?

Yes.
Mortgage in my name alone.
Did formerly earn a lot more.

Absolutely not. Why would you possibly need more credit cards at this point? You need to clean up your debt, not find a way to rack up more.

I didn't intend to use them at all. I just thought I might want to get them while my credit is still ok so if I need them after I'm out of this mess I can ditch the 30% card and keep that those.

Besides, based on the 30% CC rate, your credit must not be all that great now.

That was the result of only one late payment. The rest of my record should be fine (I hope) because I've never made any other late payments.

You mention trying to get out of the alarm contract but don't say anything about canceling cable or letting go the landscaper.

Sorry-I forgot to mention I will be disconnecting the cable as well. Unfortunately I cannot let go of the landscaper because I can't do it myself due to a neck/upper back injury. I can try to find a cheaper lawn guy but not sure if that will happen since I have a considerable sized yard.

I'd also be looking for any additional work I could find - delivering pizzas or papers or some other part-time work to supplement my income.

I have a 2nd job lined up already but it doesn't begin until January. As soon as I'm done getting the house ready for sale I'm going to try to find something I can do meanwhile to supplement my income for the next month and a half.

A few more questions:
Whose name is on the mortgage - only you or both you and the ex?
How is the house titled - joint tenants, tenants in common, etc?
If tenants in common, was there a written Tenants in Common agreement in place? What does it say about the house in the event of a breakup?

Mortgage just under my name.
Both of us are on title but not sure if "joint" or "in common" will have to check.
Definitely no agreement in place though.

It will never work when your mortgage is 70% of your income.

I know-I have no interest in keeping the house I just don't know if it will sell at a price the banks will accept.

* By the way, what is your ex's responsibility with the debt?

The debt I listed is the debt that's in my name.

Selling your house on a short sale doesn't solve your immediate problem. That can take many months - and you still have to pay your mortgage.

That's why the realtor said to list it for rent at the same time so I can use the rent to cover the mortgage until I'm able to sell.

Please stop going out to eat and charging bills to your credit card. You are just digging the hole deeper.

I know I shouldn't have gotten in this habit but I had a really rough couple months and was severely depressed so I felt overwhelmed and wasn't thinking clearly. I am changing these behaviors now that I'm finally starting to feel better and a little more hopeful. I know it will be difficult but I think I will be ok (i no longer feel like the world is ending lol-its a process). If the house takes too long to sell I'm mentally prepared to just walk away at this point so I'm going to try to hang in there but not self-destruct if I find I can't do it.

As for "breaking even", people need to get over that. Sorry, you might lose money. But, better to owe a little on a house you no longer have than owe a lot trying to keep a home you can no longer afford. Sell, sell, sell.

Only reason I said "break even" is because I didn't think the bank would accept a sale at a price lower than what is owed - I guess that's where the short sale thing comes in. I don't care about breaking even for myself, I just want to get out of this mess so I'll sell at whatever the bank lets me.

[lennygaudy]

Trying to rent this out would be a HUGE mistake at your debt level.

So are you saying I shouldn't even try to rent it if it doesn't sell right away? I should just either sell or walk away?

You won't like it, but I think living in a house alone, while in a huge debt is foolish. You can't afford the place. I would suggest that you either go for a foreclosure or sell it to a willing buyer. Giving up the house and moving to a cheaper place can't be pleasant, but you will feel better once your debt disappears.

Just to clarify - I am not attached to the house by any means, on the contrary I've begun to hate it as it brings me bad memories and its the cause of this mess I'm in. I have zero interest in keeping the house-the only reason I hadn't listed it already is because I was literally so depressed the last couple months that I could barely get myself to go to work in the morning let alone make decisions about any of this or devise a plan to put into action. Thankfully, I am regaining my old self again and I'm now ready to confront this nightmare. I actually feel much better now that I've got the house almost ready for listing (there was lots to be done)-I was really overwhelmed before but now that I've actually seen some progress I am much more hopeful and motivated.

[LaVicky]

Just wanted to give you a cyber hug and word of encouragement. You have a lot on your plate to deal with and are reaching out for help and seem to have a good sense of what your dealing with. Also your human and anytime anyone separates in a relationship there is the emotional toll it takes on you to deal with, your doing a good job, keep up the good work. I went thru a divorce sometime ago and understand.

[cjscully]

This is really the only part of your post that matters. You can not spend 69% of your income on housing. You need to get rid of this house as soon as possible. If it isn't already on the market, you need to get it up for sale tomorrow. Renting it out at a loss of hundreds of dollars per month might buy you a little bit of time but will only delay the inevitable need to dump the house. I would suggest finding a roommate but even that won't really help because you can't even afford half of the mortgage payment (34.5% of income). I'm guessing your ex-partner was the primary wage earner. Whose name is on the loan? If it is you alone, how did you qualify? Did you formerly earn a lot more money?

As for your specific questions:

1 and 2. If the house doesn't sell for enough to cover the loans, that is a short sale and you have to negotiate with the lender to accept that as payment. That is one step better than foreclosure though still trashes your credit.

3. Absolutely not. Why would you possibly need more credit cards at this point? You need to clean up your debt, not find a way to rack up more.

QFT. There's no way you can afford the house.

[lennygaudy]

Just wanted to give you a cyber hug and word of encouragement. You have a lot on your plate to deal with and are reaching out for help and seem to have a good sense of what your dealing with. Also your human and anytime anyone separates in a relationship there is the emotional toll it takes on you to deal with, your doing a good job, keep up the good work. I went thru a divorce sometime ago and understand.

Thanks LaVicky! I truly appreciate that. Even though it might seem like i have a loooong way to go (which I do) - I've actually already come a long way (emotionally anyway)...it took me a lot to get here, but i realize it's a process. Thanks again to everyone for their suggestions.

[lennygaudy]

Just wanted to give you a cyber hug and word of encouragement. You have a lot on your plate to deal with and are reaching out for help and seem to have a good sense of what your dealing with. Also your human and anytime anyone separates in a relationship there is the emotional toll it takes on you to deal with, your doing a good job, keep up the good work. I went thru a divorce sometime ago and understand.

Thanks LaVicky! I truly appreciate that. Even though it might seem like i have a loooong way to go (which I do) - I've actually already come a long way (emotionally anyway)...it took me a lot to get here, but i realize it's a process. Thanks again to everyone for their time and suggestions.

[skydivingchic]

Regarding the title issue. If you guys are listed as joint tenants and something happens to you, the house automatically goes to your now ex. I'm sure that is probably not what you want. Not sure quite how it would work since it is only your name on the mortgage and both your names on the title. I'm guessing the bank would end up eating the difference between what you owe and what it could be sold for. I don't believe they could go after your ex since she is not listed on the mortgage.

I hope you write this down as a hard lesson learned. You need to protect your own best interests and generally putting someone else on a house title but not the mortgage doesn't do that. Also if it is titled tenants in common there should have been a written legal agreement about what happens in the event of a breakup or death. I know many on this forum would say not to buy a joint asset like this until you are married. I won't go that far as DBF and I own our condo together and things have worked out well for us. But we also went through all the legal stuff and understand the ramifications of various scenarios.

Good luck getting the house ready for sale and I hope it works out for you.