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Hello all. This is a very informative forum!
I'll apologize in advance for the length....
I'm a single mother, age 40, with a 10 year old son. In 1999, I moved to my current city to be with my now ex-husband. Prior to moving here, I was in a management position, making decent money. I was debt-free and had an excellent credit score. I was completing my last year of undergrad work and was researching grad schools (for MBA or law).
My now ex-husband convinced me to move here and help him with his business (he's a chiropractor). He promised me I could finish school and that he would be supportive.
We got married and I moved down here. Then he told me we "couldn't afford" for me to finish school, and encouraged me to pursue a less expensive education in something related to chiropractic so we could work together in his practice. In hindsight, I should have left him for lying to me. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married (which I will never regret, of course). I ended up getting a "degree" from an online holistic school, along with personal training and hypnotherapy certifications. We bought a home to live in, and after a couple more years, we bought a second home that we renovated and had rezoned to be a wellness center. The deal was that I would have my office in part of the house, and he would use the rest for his practice. I should add that we bought the second house solely in my name - he couldn't get approved due to his credit and student loans.
After WE completed the renovations on the new office, he informed me that he "needed all the space" and that I'd "have to find somewhere else to work". That, after I gave up my great job, grad school, and moved to a strange town almost 4 hours away from my family to work in his office for several years as his office manager.
We'd been having LOTS of relationship issues prior to that, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back - I felt so betrayed and duped by him that I filed for divorce.
I worked for him for the 5 years before we split, so I was left without a job AND facing divorce.
When we got divorced, we used one attorney (I couldn't afford my own, as he had essentially "fired" me). My ex promised me he'd be fair and I fell for it. I really wanted to keep the house we were living in, and he wanted to keep the office-house. I signed the office over to him because we hadn't owned it long enough to make a profit from a sale. He said he'd pay the mortgage on the residence for a year if I didn't ask for child support or alimony - after that, I'd have to take over the full mortgage (which I did). The divorce agreement also said that as of July 2009, I'd have to buy him out, or we'd have to sell and split the profit. I agreed to NO child support and no alimony (due to not having an attorney to help me) because I wanted to keep the house so badly. Huge mistake.
I received an accident settlement, which I used to pay the mortgage when I had to take over the payments. That money has run out, and now I can't afford the house on my income. I knew that I wouldn't be able to afford the house much longer, so we put the house on the market last year.
Well...in this market, I'm not sure when (and if) the house is going to sell. We took it off the market for a few months, and just put it back on a few days ago. To add to the problem, my neighbor's house is in foreclosure, and the bank just listed it for around $70k less than mine (it is smaller, with a smaller lot).
We owe $150k on the house. The appraisal says it is worth $225k. My ex wants to split the profit if/when it sells, but I've paid more and will fight to make sure the profit is split accordingly.
I've been back in school for 2.5 years. I'll be an RN in about 14 months. My income will increase significantly when I'm an RN, but until then, it's going to be a hard struggle. I've maintained a high GPA and am on the Dean's List. I'm working very hard to get where I want to be - I work 40 hours a week and volunteer in a hospital ER for four hours every Saturday. I've been looking for a better-paying job for two years - there just aren't any around here. The company I work for had massive layoffs last summer, and thankfully I was not let go. The job market in this area is terrible (resort town - no big cities or big companies,and not many government jobs).
My problem is this: I can't afford the mortgage right now, and I'm tired of fighting with my ex-husband about it. I could ask for child support (and I'm sure I'd get it), and that would help a lot. I really don't want anything from my ex, though. He makes around 4x what I earn. I pay for health and dental insurance for our son, even though the divorce agreement says he is supposed to cover it. He's awful to deal with and makes my life miserable.
I've thought about moving back to my hometown. I could live with my sister (she's single, no kids, and has a huge house, and has already offered) for the 14 months it would take me to finish nursing school. I'd work and pay rent, of course. Also, my sister and father are well-connected, and I'd have no problem getting a job paying 2-3x what I make currently. I also could work-part time and go to school full-time (to finish faster) if I moved in with her.
I know my son would want to come with me, and I don't think my ex would have a problem with it (he has a son from another relationship who lives 4 hours away).
The way I see it, my options are:
1) Stay here and continue to struggle with my ex and the mortgage, and argue about my inability to pay the entire amount EVERY month, and continue to listen to him threaten me about how much I'm going to "owe him" when the house sells
2) Move back to my hometown, and continue to pay my half of the mortgage until the house sells, and make more money, and maybe finish school faster
Unfortunately, the car accident I was in (hit head-on by a reckless driver) caused me to have to buy a vehicle. Mine was paid in full, and was totaled in the crash. I bought the safest used vehicle I could afford. My attorney valued my case @ close to $100k (broken bones, etc). I won't say how much I actually got, but it was less than 1/4 of that estimate.
Aside from the car loan, I have very little debt. I have one cc with a balance of around $400, and one loan @ $150 a month. The loan balance is $3000. I'm normally very responsible with my finances and can't believe I let myself get sucked into this mess.
I'd really appreciate any ideas or advice. Thank you in advance.
I'll apologize in advance for the length....
I'm a single mother, age 40, with a 10 year old son. In 1999, I moved to my current city to be with my now ex-husband. Prior to moving here, I was in a management position, making decent money. I was debt-free and had an excellent credit score. I was completing my last year of undergrad work and was researching grad schools (for MBA or law).
My now ex-husband convinced me to move here and help him with his business (he's a chiropractor). He promised me I could finish school and that he would be supportive.
We got married and I moved down here. Then he told me we "couldn't afford" for me to finish school, and encouraged me to pursue a less expensive education in something related to chiropractic so we could work together in his practice. In hindsight, I should have left him for lying to me. I got pregnant pretty quickly after we got married (which I will never regret, of course). I ended up getting a "degree" from an online holistic school, along with personal training and hypnotherapy certifications. We bought a home to live in, and after a couple more years, we bought a second home that we renovated and had rezoned to be a wellness center. The deal was that I would have my office in part of the house, and he would use the rest for his practice. I should add that we bought the second house solely in my name - he couldn't get approved due to his credit and student loans.
After WE completed the renovations on the new office, he informed me that he "needed all the space" and that I'd "have to find somewhere else to work". That, after I gave up my great job, grad school, and moved to a strange town almost 4 hours away from my family to work in his office for several years as his office manager.
We'd been having LOTS of relationship issues prior to that, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back - I felt so betrayed and duped by him that I filed for divorce.
I worked for him for the 5 years before we split, so I was left without a job AND facing divorce.
When we got divorced, we used one attorney (I couldn't afford my own, as he had essentially "fired" me). My ex promised me he'd be fair and I fell for it. I really wanted to keep the house we were living in, and he wanted to keep the office-house. I signed the office over to him because we hadn't owned it long enough to make a profit from a sale. He said he'd pay the mortgage on the residence for a year if I didn't ask for child support or alimony - after that, I'd have to take over the full mortgage (which I did). The divorce agreement also said that as of July 2009, I'd have to buy him out, or we'd have to sell and split the profit. I agreed to NO child support and no alimony (due to not having an attorney to help me) because I wanted to keep the house so badly. Huge mistake.
I received an accident settlement, which I used to pay the mortgage when I had to take over the payments. That money has run out, and now I can't afford the house on my income. I knew that I wouldn't be able to afford the house much longer, so we put the house on the market last year.
Well...in this market, I'm not sure when (and if) the house is going to sell. We took it off the market for a few months, and just put it back on a few days ago. To add to the problem, my neighbor's house is in foreclosure, and the bank just listed it for around $70k less than mine (it is smaller, with a smaller lot).
We owe $150k on the house. The appraisal says it is worth $225k. My ex wants to split the profit if/when it sells, but I've paid more and will fight to make sure the profit is split accordingly.
I've been back in school for 2.5 years. I'll be an RN in about 14 months. My income will increase significantly when I'm an RN, but until then, it's going to be a hard struggle. I've maintained a high GPA and am on the Dean's List. I'm working very hard to get where I want to be - I work 40 hours a week and volunteer in a hospital ER for four hours every Saturday. I've been looking for a better-paying job for two years - there just aren't any around here. The company I work for had massive layoffs last summer, and thankfully I was not let go. The job market in this area is terrible (resort town - no big cities or big companies,and not many government jobs).
My problem is this: I can't afford the mortgage right now, and I'm tired of fighting with my ex-husband about it. I could ask for child support (and I'm sure I'd get it), and that would help a lot. I really don't want anything from my ex, though. He makes around 4x what I earn. I pay for health and dental insurance for our son, even though the divorce agreement says he is supposed to cover it. He's awful to deal with and makes my life miserable.
I've thought about moving back to my hometown. I could live with my sister (she's single, no kids, and has a huge house, and has already offered) for the 14 months it would take me to finish nursing school. I'd work and pay rent, of course. Also, my sister and father are well-connected, and I'd have no problem getting a job paying 2-3x what I make currently. I also could work-part time and go to school full-time (to finish faster) if I moved in with her.
I know my son would want to come with me, and I don't think my ex would have a problem with it (he has a son from another relationship who lives 4 hours away).
The way I see it, my options are:
1) Stay here and continue to struggle with my ex and the mortgage, and argue about my inability to pay the entire amount EVERY month, and continue to listen to him threaten me about how much I'm going to "owe him" when the house sells
2) Move back to my hometown, and continue to pay my half of the mortgage until the house sells, and make more money, and maybe finish school faster
Unfortunately, the car accident I was in (hit head-on by a reckless driver) caused me to have to buy a vehicle. Mine was paid in full, and was totaled in the crash. I bought the safest used vehicle I could afford. My attorney valued my case @ close to $100k (broken bones, etc). I won't say how much I actually got, but it was less than 1/4 of that estimate.
Aside from the car loan, I have very little debt. I have one cc with a balance of around $400, and one loan @ $150 a month. The loan balance is $3000. I'm normally very responsible with my finances and can't believe I let myself get sucked into this mess.
I'd really appreciate any ideas or advice. Thank you in advance.
Plus, I'm trying to type this during my break and am pressed for time. 
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