Comingling money

[asmom]

Do you think that it is a good idea to comingling money when you are dating, but not married?

No, no, a thousand times NO! You are just begging for trouble. Doesn't anybody watch Judge Judy?

You should just work harder to come up with an equitable system for who pays for what when going out. Think of it as your first serious relationship challenge. Can't you just take turns? Or split it down the middle? Or go dutch-treat?

[asmom]

DBF and I have been together for nearly 14 years and still keep seperate finances. We recently opened a single joint checking account which we each deposit half the mortgage and half the HOA fees into each month. They get automatically deducted from this checking account. This is the only place we comingle accounts. I pay for groceries and utilities each month and keep track of half the expenses in a database. At the end of the month I give him a copy of the expenses and he writes me a check for his half. We each save seperately and aggressively for retirement.

As far as dating/entertainment expenses, we do things a couple of ways. For small things like dinner out or a movie, we take turns paying. It may not be exactly equal date to date, but over the long term I'm sure it evens out. For larger things like vacations, we split 50/50. Each of us pays for stuff along the way, keep the receipts, and then settle up 50/50 at the end. Once in a while there will be something that one of us really wants to do and the other isn't so wild about. For instance, I LOVE Neil Diamond, he could care less, but I wanted someone to go to the concert with me, so I bought his ticket.

This method works great for us personally and neither of us is in the least interested in having joint finances. As others have stated, I wouldn't recommend comingling finances until you are married or at least engaged, and even then you don't HAVE to combine finances. Even if DBF and I get married some day, we will keep this method of finances - it works for us and there is no need to fix what isn't broken.

Great system, well done!

[sunsetplaid]

Different options

As this is my advice, and I have been in a similar situation before this is what I recommend. I would take turns at first and see how that goes,as being a guy I would pay for the first few dates as courtesy and I was raised in the old tradition where guys open doors and always pay for meals and such. Even throughout the years I always made it a good interest to see if she wanted to pay for outings and dinners. But that is only after being together for the first few months. As you know how people are sometimes things are sooner while others are later. I know my uncle and aunt after 20 years of marriage split down the middle almost always. So give it a few weeks and most importantly talk it over. I wouldn't go and open an account and put money in it. If anything start an envelope system, your, hers, ours together. Good luck!!

[BlackDiamond]

I know I'm going to sound really old school here but this is what I would expect when my children get to be of dating age:

girlfriend/boyfriend - dating only... the boyfriend pays for all the dates and outings

Well that's just silly. What if the woman makes way more than the guy? My fiance has almost never paid when we go out, which is rare anyway, we usually stay in. Sometimes he'll try to but I am well aware that his financial situation is a LOT worse than my own. I paid on our first date and I will continue to pay more until or if he ever makes a comprable salary to me.

girlfriend/boyfriend - living together... the housing expenses are split evenly, i.e. rent, utilities, groceries, etc. All dates would be paid by the boyfriend.

Again, you have GOT to be kidding me? How old are you. I'm in my mid 30's and my fiance is in his late 30's and this just baffles me. I make 20K a year more than my guy. Why the heck should he be paying more just because he is a man? When we do finally get married, or move in, I will be paying 100% of the living expenses and most of the "dates". Fiance owns property which he currently can't sell that eats up 80% of what little money he has. Why on earth would I expect him to pay for "dates"?

wife/husband... all finances are co-mingled into one with one spouse being the main financial person, paying the bills, etc. This spouse would be the one to pull out the cash/card when they go out. The other spouse will need to provide input and participate in decision making but they would have a secondary role in the actual logistics of account maintenance.

I find this strange. Like a prior poster says, if it isn't broken, why fix it?

[cschin4]

I would only comingle money with my spouse and that's it. When dating, get seperate checks or take turns paying. I would not comingle money with anyone else other than the above period. Don't do it.

[all4money]

Well that's just silly. What if the woman makes way more than the guy? My fiance has almost never paid when we go out, which is rare anyway, we usually stay in. Sometimes he'll try to but I am well aware that his financial situation is a LOT worse than my own. I paid on our first date and I will continue to pay more until or if he ever makes a comprable salary to me.



Again, you have GOT to be kidding me? How old are you. I'm in my mid 30's and my fiance is in his late 30's and this just baffles me. I make 20K a year more than my guy. Why the heck should he be paying more just because he is a man? When we do finally get married, or move in, I will be paying 100% of the living expenses and most of the "dates". Fiance owns property which he currently can't sell that eats up 80% of what little money he has. Why on earth would I expect him to pay for "dates"?



I find this strange. Like a prior poster says, if it isn't broken, why fix it?

To each his own as they say...DH and I are in our 30's as you are and we have been together for nearly 20 years. Since day one, I have always made much more than DH but he "paid for" our dates and so forth until we got married. We did what he could afford while we were dating. The money that I earned and didn't spend was saved and became "ours" when we got married. These philosophies worked for us and were supported by our families but may not necessarily work for others. I just offer it as a viewpoint to the original poster to consider. As I stated in my original post, it's very old school and old fashioned and therefore isn't for everyone.

[cptacek]

No, no, a thousand times NO! You are just begging for trouble. Doesn't anybody watch Judge Judy?

Just wanted to reiterate this point.

[cptacek]

To each his own as they say...DH and I are in our 30's as you are and we have been together for nearly 20 years. Since day one, I have always made much more than DH but he "paid for" our dates and so forth until we got married. We did what he could afford while we were dating. The money that I earned and didn't spend was saved and became "ours" when we got married. These philosophies worked for us and were supported by our families but may not necessarily work for others. I just offer it as a viewpoint to the original poster to consider. As I stated in my original post, it's very old school and old fashioned and therefore isn't for everyone.

lol. People can give any advice they would like so long as it isn't traditional in any way, I guess.
/sarc