Engaged Should we combine our income and expenses now?

[skives]

So I just got engaged in December and we have decided to get married in fall of 2012 so we can save money and pay off bills. My question is should we combine our incomes and and savings so we can tackle all our debt together or should we wait till we are married?

[cooliemae]

That's a hard question to answer because it really depends on your situation. My wife and I started slowly combining assets before we got married, but there are still things that we haven't gotten around to doing even after 18 months of marriage and being together for 4 years.

[BlackDiamond]

I would not. I've been engaged for a year and we do not live together or combine finances. He has far more debt than I do and we agreed that is his responsibilty, not mine.

Things can change in 2 years. Having combined finances just makes it super messy. I have a friend who BT'd 6000 worth of cc debt from her fiance's high interest card over to one of hers. We tried to warn her... But she was certain that they'd last forever. 6 months later they broke it off and she was left with that debt and no real grounds to go after him since it was now in her name.

[graceful]

Keep the majority separate for now until you are officially married.

But you can certainly open up a joint account now and agree to have each of you add a certain small pre-determined amount to it to save for the wedding or future house, etc.


I would start off with equal contributions or other set percentage (40/60) so that you know how to split the balance if need be. It is a matter of trust if things don't work out. But knowing how responsible you or your partner are in making that $xx/month deposit into your joint wedding fund or whatever can help you get on the same page with how to handle your future joint finances.

Good luck.

[watsoninc]

With the exception of wedding-related expenses, we kept everything seperate. It made the financial aspects of our lives very clear-cut.

[jIM_Ohio]

Opening a joint account now makes sense
what you use it for depends...

how much do each of you earn?
how much debt do each of you have?
how much is wedding expected to cost?

who is paying for the wedding and the debt?

We combined when it became clear to me wife did not know what she was doing, and I needed the money she earned to make the budget work. For example she would not write me checks unless I asked (for groceries or rent) so it made sense to use just one account in that case.

[PrincessPerky]

Since you asked, no don't.

Generally finances just start to blend when it makes sense to do so. But if you are feeling any concern over it, don't.

[snshijuptr]

We created a joint account when we moved in together to pay bills. Two years later when we got engaged, we combined all of our checking accounts. A month before the wedding, we bought insurance together. We got a joint credit card after we married.

My opinion is that we were able to join our money easily because we were well aware of our spending habits.

[cptacek]

Wow. You are going to engaged for almost 3 years? That is going to be tough. 6 months was long enough for us!

I think that for legal reasons, you should keep all accounts separate until you are married. What if you break up? What if the male in this situation pays for $6000 of credit card debt for the female and then they break up? The male is out $6000. What if the female in this situation pays for $5000 of car loan for the male and then they break up? The female is out $5000. You have no legal recourse if something bad like that happens.

Of course, you may think that will never happen. We have a poster on this very forum that will probably tell you she didn't think she would ever break up with her fiance either, but they did. It happens.

Before I met my DH, I had started a business with my father. I owned 60 cows, Dad took care of them, and we split the calf crop 1/3-2/3 (he got more because he did the work). DH and I were getting married in January, but the "year" for my business ended in October. Either Dad would take care of the cows for another entire year, we could get the cows after we got married and pay dad for those 4 months, or DH would start taking care of them in October. We decided that DH would start taking care of them in October, and I actually paid him. He kept track of his hours he spent with my cows and I paid him as an employee. I bought the feed as well. I used that as an expense on my taxes (which worked out great as I had higher income than he did), and if something had happened and we had broken up, we would have been square. It would have been messy, but fair.

I don't understand why people are so gung ho on combining bank accounts when not married. DH and I have 3 checking accounts and 1 savings account for different things, three investment accounts and multiple credit cards. It is all "our money" but earmarked for different things. I took over balancing his checkbook (because he never did it!!!) months before we were married, but I never put money into it. We talked about money and goals a lot, but didn't combine anything until we were married.

[maat55]

I would not. But I would discuss your future financial plans together. I'm a firm believer in good business principles, it is wise to dot the I's and cross the T's no matter what. Being engaged is not being married legally.

You should decide together how you will manage your finances. How will the bills get paid, combined or seperate accounts, how will credit cards be used and paid, how much EF, how much debt do each of you have, how will each of you manage your personal finances until married etc. etc. Be very thoughtful and aware of your partners financial habbits.

[disneysteve]

I would not. But I would discuss your future financial plans together. I'm a firm believer in good business principles, it is wise to dot the I's and cross the T's no matter what. Being engaged is not being married legally.

You should decide together how you will manage your finances. How will the bills get paid, combined or seperate accounts, how will credit cards be used and paid, how much EF, how much debt do each of you have, how will each of you manage your personal finances until married etc. etc. Be very thoughtful and aware of your partners financial habbits.

I agree with all of this except possibly the first sentence. It really does depend on your situation. Short story: My wife and I started dating in November 1989. We got engaged in May 1991 to be married in July 1992. However, we met in October 1980, dated for a few months, then broke up. During our 9-year interlude, we stayed in touch, saw each other now and then, wrote letters (this was pre-computer days). By the time we got engaged, we had been friends for 11 years and had been through other relationships and both grown up a lot and pretty much knew what we wanted out of life and out of a partner. We just knew, as much as anyone can, that this was it. We were both done searching. So as soon as we got engaged, we started combining things. I had a ton of student loan debt (over 100K). She just had her car loan.

For those who say his debt is his responsibility, with all due respect, that is a bunch of BS. No matter if you totally combine your finances or totally try to keep them separate, what each of you spends and how much debt each of you has directly affects the other once you are married. Because of that, I'm of the opinion that it is best to work together to plan how all of the spending and debt-repayment will be handled because you can't truly move forward until the debt is gone no matter who incurred it or when it was incurred.

[cptacek]

I think that once you are married you combine and consider everything jointly. But until you are married, neither party has a legal responsibility to the other. I agree with maat about talking and planning and considering the other person's views on if any money should be spent or not, or what direction they want to go, but for someone with a three year engagement to join all money now, I think that is irresponsible.

Oh, and why the three year wait, anyway?

[snshijuptr]

I would start an equally funded joint account for the wedding once you begin the planning. This will just make some things easier. If you live together you might create a joint account ti pay rent and utilities and food from. Think of these as "practice" accounts and DO NOT put all your money in them. This allows you to go through some of the motions of combining income without combining a significant amount.

Still do not combine ALL of your money. You are not married, so the legality of splitting is difficult.

[nighttimesky]

I would reccomend that you keep your finances seperate until you do get married. Wanting to help your significant other is a wonderful. From a business standpoint it's not such a great idea. i agree with the comments about creating a joint account once you are legally married. When you create that account also specify what the account is for and how the funds will be used. That will save alot of confusion later on. I hope that you and your fiance get everything figured out! Congrats on your engagment!

[BlackDiamond]

I think that once you are married you combine and consider everything jointly. But until you are married, neither party has a legal responsibility to the other. I agree with maat about talking and planning and considering the other person's views on if any money should be spent or not, or what direction they want to go, but for someone with a three year engagement to join all money now, I think that is irresponsible.

Oh, and why the three year wait, anyway?

I can't answer the 3 year wait question for the OP but I can answer from my own situation. I chose to cancel my wedding because my fiance has hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt (most of it a house he coowns with 3 other people) and is being sued because of something regarding the house by a neighbor. The whole HOA was sued. It seems likely he will be forced to pay the neighbor. His court date is in 3 years. I will not become legally entwined with him until he, quite frankly, gets his life together financially. I have never even been inside this house. I refuse to pay for it. I will stay with him, and be there for him emotionally. But in my state, if a judge determining how much he has to pay the neighbor every month saw my salary on top of his? You see where I'm going.