Engaged Couples And Money

[tifnglen]

So I just go engaged on Saturday !!!! We have always talked about money with each other and our personal budgets, credit scores, spending habits, debt, etc, so money is a comfortable topic for us. I was wondering what topics should we bring up now since we are engaged. Is it too early to join accounts or make a proposed joint budget? Should we look at each others bills, bank statement, credit reports?

Any Advice Will be Appreciated.

[disneysteve]

You will get varying opinions here. I (and my wife) feel strongly that everything should be joint. We opened our first joint account shortly after we got engaged and gradually merged everything after that.

Since you have talked about money a lot, hopefully, you've determined that you are compatible in that department, not one saver and one spender, for example, because that is a recipe for disaster. If you share a similar outlook and similar habits, combining funds makes perfect sense. I can't imagine doing it any other way.

Congratulations by the way. That's terrific.

[maat55]

Kids, stay at home or work, religion, how close to live to the in-laws, school districts.

The more you get on the table now, may be less later. Congratulations.

[disneysteve]

As for making a joint budget, I think you can certainly start sketching one out. How specific to get will depend on your timetable. If you will be getting married and living together soon, you need to get more involved. If the wedding and cohabitating are farther off in the future, it isn't quite as important right now.

[MonkeyMama]

It depends. My spouse and I were always open with our money situation, but we were engaged about 5 years so we didn't do any of that stuff until we moved in together (a few months before the wedding). Heck, we didn't even get joint accounts until we had kids. But yes, we should have done that sooner.

I think the joint accounts should wait until marriage though. Talking about finances should probably happen before the engagement, if you ask me.

[disneysteve]

I think the joint accounts should wait until marriage though.

I think the reason we opened a joint account when we got engaged was so that we would have a place to deposit engagement gifts. I really don't remember for sure, though. I just know we did open one almost right away. We considered ourselves a couple early on. Neither of us had any doubt that we were getting married whenever that turned out to be. There just wasn't any reason not to start acting like a couple once we made it official by getting engaged.

[ea1776]

My soon-to-be-wife and I got engaged 2 months ago. Our wedding is Oct. 3rd of this year. We started joining finances immediately after the engagement. The way I see it is, if you are making a lifetime commitment to one another, you should be willing to make the financial commitment (early) too. And if that doesn't fell comfortable, then it would seem you have some talking and working out to do in the finance dept.

Our situation is basic, and neither of us have a lot to lose in the way of assets. I could see an argument for waiting it out if there is a complex pre-nuptial agreement on the table or something.

[Tree0164]

When my husband and I got engaged I was still in school and we immediately combined money. However both of us were broke and poor.

Until you are married I wouldn't combined everything just yet-for example I wouldn't go off paying off his debt or any of car payments.

I think it really depends how much money is on the table at this point

[wincrasher]

Don't act married until you are married.

There is a thread in here where a woman's fiance broke off the engagment - it happens.

Have disclosure about where everything stands. Open a joint account to pay for things you do together if necessary.

There's an old saying - why buy the cow if you get the milk for free. Think about it.

[disneysteve]

Don't act married until you are married.

There is a thread in here where a woman's fiance broke off the engagment - it happens.

By that logic, however, you could say that married couples shouldn't combine finances because so many marriages end in divorce. Sure, couples can and do split up, both before and after marriage. If you aren't both on the same page and both committed to the relationship, it isn't going to matter what you do with your money.

[cptacek]

By that logic, however, you could say that married couples shouldn't combine finances because so many marriages end in divorce. Sure, couples can and do split up, both before and after marriage. If you aren't both on the same page and both committed to the relationship, it isn't going to matter what you do with your money.

But there are legal protections for both parties in the case of a divorce, and no legal protections if you are not married. I vote for keeping things separate until the day, but of course, you can and should plan, project, and compromise from now until, well, forever.

[disneysteve]

But there are legal protections for both parties in the case of a divorce, and no legal protections if you are not married.

That's true and is certainly a valid point. Still, problems can arise either way. As I said, we opened a joint account because once we got engaged, we started having joint assets in the form of gifts. Neither of us considered that money to be just ours alone so it wouldn't have been right for either of us to deposit it in our own solo account.

We didn't combine everything until we were married. If for no other reason, it was easier to do once she had legally changed her name. That way, we didn't have to change everything twice.

[tifnglen]

Thanks for your replies! We are not joining accounts until after we get married. Like disneysteve, we both think everything should be joint after marriage. I am going to start looking at the joint budget now.

[whitestripe]

I also just got engaged 3 weeks ago. DF and I are combining finances, but only because we are buying a house in a month. If we weren't buying a house, we would still have separate finances.
In aomw ways, technically we will still have separate finances. Our personal spending money is 10% of what we earn each week. So if one of us earns nada for a week, we better have something saved from previous weeks! And we will be keeping track of who pays what extra payments made to the mortgage. Everything else is worked out to be split down the middle anyway.

[snafu]

Congratulations on your engagement. Wish you the best! DH and I were engaged for a short time and opened a joint a/c to cover wedding costs. That morphed into our primary a/c. More importantly before the wedding we wrote out a time line for life's important events. [the difference between a dream and a plan is a time-line]. DH grad, payout student loans, my 2nd degree, buy car [he had a beater], buy house, DKs etc.

Once married we shared joint expenses based on income. DH's income was so much higher, he paid 2/3 while I contributed 1/3 until overtime it evened-out.