Can I afford private school

[Tsots11]

I want to send my kids to a private school.

I could afford it if I sold the house to get rid of the mortgage, then I could even live closer to where the school is.
I would have to sacrifice a lot and live much more modestly. While I am able to do this, I am wondering if that would be in my childs best interest.
The only savings that I will not compromise on is retirement savings.
While getting the best education that I can give, they would have to share a room and live in a condo in the not so nice part of town. This would be like a culture shock compared to the other average kids in private school.

Has anyone struggled with this? The public schools are very good, but my child is not an easy child and would definitely benefit from the smaller class sizes and the attention that a private school is able to give. Because of her teachers comments the private schools might not want her.

I also do not want to raise brats that expect everything and grow up to be bitter because the parents have not money.

[fruitbowlk]

Sometimes smaller communities are an alt for private school. We moved to a smaller community and the schools there are best in the state.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

My parents put everything they had into sending their large family to private grade school. They moved to where would could walk to the school. They worked at the school evenings, weekends, and summers in exchange for tuition discounts. We kids also worked about ten hours each at the end & beginning of each school year moving desks, tables, piles of books & supplies, cleaning windows, dust mopping walls, and other physical labor, but we thought it was fun and even kind of privileged! My parents had no luxuries, and little did we kids. Everything went to paying for school for a large family. Books were an expense that we would not have as public schoolers either. We rarely took any kind of family vacation, and if we did it was a car trip to see grandparents. We drove all night or slept in the car in a rest stop to get there. Motels were not in the budget. We never got the fad toys. There was no such thing as summer camp, music lessons, gymnastics lessons, dance lessons, painting lessons---any of those big "educational" extras that actually we kids did long for. There were times when we definitely were poorly dressed--parents and kids both. We did not stand out at school for being poorly dressed, though, as there was a uniform. Our cars were clunkers and caused my parents a lot of anxiety and late days to work. Some of our furniture was homemade--and not the skilled craftsman kind, but most of it was simply second hand. The only new furniture I remember in all my years were some dinette chairs, barstools, a living room sofa, and two chests-of-drawers.

For all that sacrifice, I did love my school. I could not wait to go back after the weekend. The kids, though mostly of a higher income level (there were other families doing as mine were), were almost all very nice. I never felt snubbed, not good enough, not in possession of the right material stuff. There were times when I could see that others at the school had a lot of little extras that I did not, but only a couple of times did that cause me any sadness. (I can remember those times specifically and I think how I dealt with it was good for me.) Mostly the other kids were naturally generous with sharing any little toy they may have brought to school, so I was able to happily be a part of their good fortune anyway. Being around kids who had a lot did not teach me to be bitter, materialistic, or resentful. I will say though, that that was a long time ago and I think there are a lot more pressures on most all kids to have a lot of all kinds of things nowadays. Even the rich kids at my school appreciated little, inexpensive things back then. There just was not such an all encompassing atmosphere of frenzied consumption that now exists.

There was some socializing outside of school hours that I did not get to participate in because I lived far from my best school friends. Though I lived close to the school, most kids at the school lived away in various suburban style neighborhoods. They could easily get together, but to me, a child on a bike, 5 to 8 miles down a busy highway on a bike was not do-able. However, the school was generous in allowing children to show up early and stay late after school to play, which I did all the time, just to spend more fun time with my friends.

Oh yeah, there were a few sports teams at the school, and I was athletic, so I really wanted to be on the teams. But at the school parents had to provide transportation to games. My parents could not do that, so I missed out on sports. Well, I don't think they could have come up with the fees for the team and uniform and equipment anyway. I accepted it as just the way things were, it didn't cause me any major heartbreak, but , oh, gosh I would have loved to have played basketball. I remember thinking that playing sports was just for other people, not me, even if I know I am really good at it.

The grade school did have a lot to offer academically, but it was not until I went to high school that I personally realized how far ahead my grade school had been. Again and again I found myself sitting in high school classes, thinking, "We had this is fourth grade (or 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th, whatever). Why don't these other kids know this? Move on, Let's cover something new." This made me very impatient and unhappy with high school. I really wanted to keep learning, but I felt like my high school only threw out a few crumbs every now and then. It was a private high school as well. There were a couple of times when the principal remarked about the grade school I had come from, and once or twice when other kids did, too. This is was my first understanding that my grade school had a reputation of being outstanding. I really had not known; Having little to compare it to, I just thought that was how school was.

My parents certainly did not make a point of saying anything like. "We are sacrificing so much so you kids can go to to he best school around." I knew it was exceptional to go to a private school, but I had no idea how different it really was. I think it was exceptional both academically and socially. However, it had room for improvement, too. I do remember some teachers who were not very good, who did not seem to know the material they were supposed to be teaching and I thought they had nothing to offer but crowd control and pointing to assignments in books.

In adulthood, my oldest brother told me he thought he had been too protected at that school. He thought life, beginning in high school,was a lot rougher than he had been prepared for. For me, though, I say thank goodness if I was a little protected. I was a child. I needed a safe world.

Well, my parents perhaps did sacrifice their retirement, too. I'm not sure, but they are both poor now in their 80's. They are divorced and that plays into it as well. But I know I live better for the good education they helped me get and I think my child, now a young adult has had a better life for it too. I think a good education is something that has the possibility to be passed along from one generation to the next. So if he has kids, hopefully it will be passed along. Oh, and the living better is not necessarily about living with more money.

I have no idea if my story touches on the questions you are having. It's just one story, and maybe from a time too far gone.

[disneysteve]

The public schools are very good

I've always been a supporter of the public school system. Once you get beyond the really lousy schools in the bad areas, I think the quality of education is good and it is really the student and family that determines performance. If the kid is motivated and the parents are involved and supportive, the kid will do well no matter where he goes.

I also think the social/cultural aspect of public school is very important. I didn't want my daughter going to a school where everybody was alike. I wanted her exposed to different races, different religions, different cultures, different socioeconomic backgrounds, just like in the real world.

[feh]

I've always been a supporter of the public school system. Once you get beyond the really lousy schools in the bad areas, I think the quality of education is good and it is really the student and family that determines performance. If the kid is motivated and the parents are involved and supportive, the kid will do well no matter where he goes.

I also think the social/cultural aspect of public school is very important. I didn't want my daughter going to a school where everybody was alike. I wanted her exposed to different races, different religions, different cultures, different socioeconomic backgrounds, just like in the real world.

I agree with Steve. My first reaction when reading the OP was "if your local public school is good, use it".

I have an 8 year old, and our public schools are very good. He also has some behavioral issues, but we work with the school district and a counselor to correct them.

I don't think you should rearrange your life to send your kids to private school if your public school is up to snuff.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

But if a child just needs more individual guidance and can get that elsewhere, I think that is fine to do.

[toys]

yeah, priviledged

We kids also worked about ten hours each at the end & beginning of each school year moving desks, tables, piles of books & supplies, cleaning windows, dust mopping walls, and other physical labor, but we thought it was fun and even kind of privileged!

I will never forget that night (yes, night, dark, late) we kids had to work outside on the sidewalks...


with butter knives...


weeding the cobblestones...


...but, just in front of the president's office.



(because some of the board members were visiting the next day)





So, I went to both: public and private. tldr

I think I would have to recommend both... (at least) starting with private just makes more sense. If it becomes too much of a burden... or the kid wants to try something different... change to public.

[zakity]

We homeschool because the local public schools suck big ones and the private schools are out of reach financially.

[maat55]

I've always been a supporter of the public school system. Once you get beyond the really lousy schools in the bad areas, I think the quality of education is good and it is really the student and family that determines performance. If the kid is motivated and the parents are involved and supportive, the kid will do well no matter where he goes.

I also think the social/cultural aspect of public school is very important. I didn't want my daughter going to a school where everybody was alike. I wanted her exposed to different races, different religions, different cultures, different socioeconomic backgrounds, just like in the real world.

I agree also, private schools charge way to much. There are plenty of good public schools. I recommend that the parents be more involved it their childs school work, friends and activities.

[deadgoon]

If your public schools are good, send your kids there. Private schools are not always the best schools. The often hire kids right out of college with no teaching experience because those are the cheapest teachers they can find. They also are often run by churches and spend time on religious indoctrination which may or may not be something you want.

You should check to see if your public schools offer any tutoring or mentoring programs. If there is a college campus nearby, see if they offer tutoring.

If your kids just need a little personal attention, then maybe you can provide it yourself. Offer to help them do their homework and get with their teachers and find out what they are studying and what your kids may need help with.

[Tsots11]

Thank you to everyone who replied.
I have researched the public schools in my county and am happy with what I can get there.
My child is the typical underachiever, she gets A's and F's for the same subjects. Assignments just gets lost and she forgets to hand in her homework. A private school would force her to break that habit and I believethat then she would do very well. But on the other hand too much pampering and teachers that are willing to go out of their way for her is not good long term. She would definitely fall flat on her face at college.
A public school in our county has the IB program and the middle years program, with an emphasis on foreign language. This is what I want for her.
My family lives in Europe and private school would mean it would be harder to fly 'home' to visit granny and I would prefer to know her heritage and so get a wider worldview.

On the other hand it is very difficult to compromise, when weighing the options. I am not the typical helicopter parent and want my kids to use their own head. Occationally learning the hard way. Isn't that what childhood is for?

[disneysteve]

A public school in our county has the IB program and the middle years program, with an emphasis on foreign language. This is what I want for her.

I am not an expert here so I can't go into any detail, but I can tell you that one of our middle schools has the IB program and I've spoken to a couple of friends who teach at the high school and they are NOT impressed with the quality of education difference that they see between kids coming out of the IB program and those coming out of the other middle schools that don't have IB. The comment my one friend who teaches science made was that the kids from the non-IB program know science while the kids from the IB program can tell you how they feel about science.

I don't know if that applies to the IB program in general. As I said, I'm no expert and don't know that much about it, but I haven't heard great things around here.

[moneybags]

but my child is not an easy child and would definitely benefit from the smaller class sizes and the attention that a private school is able to give.

Are you sure the class sizes are smaller? This is not the case in our area. Also, if your child has any special needs, the public schools usually have greater resources. Private does not always mean better. I know people that have found that out the hard way.

[Gailete]

A private school would force her to break that habit and I believethat then she would do very well

Why would a private school accomplish that as apposed to now at a public school? Perhaps taking a firm hold of her and her assignments on a daily basis would help her break the habit of not doing her work, but I don't see how sending her to a more expensive school, disrupting your whole life by moving, etc. is a solution for a child that doesn't always do her homework.

When I was in school and I wasn't doing my best, I was told by my mother in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get my grades up I wouldn't be allowed to go to the library anymore. I realize that wouldn't motivate most kids, but as I loved to read it motivated me to get my grades up and keep reading in the meantime. I think that setting goals with rewards and punishments for doing her work would be just as effective, but you would have to be consistent.

[maat55]

I'm not sure what your public school system is like where you are, but, Garth Brooks kids go to public school. I mention this because, even people with fortunes still have faith in public schools in some places. (Oklahoma)