Need some advice...

[bjl584]

Wow! Well, good luck to you anyway. I hope that things work out for you.

[Broken Arrow]

DebtMan: I'm sure you're probably stressed out enough as it is, and I sympathize. But please, don't take it personally. It's not meant like that. No one here is trying to make you out to be some kind of idiot.

[Joan.of.the.Arch]

For what it is worth, I did read your post DMW, and I don't know where anyone came up with the idea that you were thinking of leaving your wife and two kids, plus one on the way. I did read that your wife was not as willing as you to make a certain crucial living change, but that didn't sound like irremediable discord.

The problem with your FIL sounded like it could go on forever. You got things settled and paid up once, but now it has come up again and the FIL has dementia. I think you did mention the MIL. If she is concerned about you, your wife, and the grandkids, perhaps MIL could be persuaded to intervene. Maybe it is time for her to get a court declaration of incompetence so that she can handle the finances and put an end to FIL trying to pursue you for already paid debts.

I can understand how within families, a proper paper trail may not have been kept and that there might not be proof the the debt was paid because of that. But without proof, your best bet might be to appeal to you MIL's honesty, or to draw things out until your FIL's dementia is too progressed for him to focus on this...And, yes, I have definitely seen cases where dementia is expressed in obsession with a few untrue notions, some of which can be that the sufferer is being done wrong (such as a debtor wrongfully refusing to pay.)

I don't think it would be wrong for you all to move into the trailer, selling the house. But I also don't think it would be wrong to sell both the house and the trailer (even though you are upside down on that loan) and move to a small apartment or house. There has to be something else you cold find. What do families with even less income than you do? You might need to live where they live, for a while. Maybe you will have to rent.

I also wondered about your truck with its monthly payment of $850? $890? (don't recall what you said.) That struck me as perhaps a big truck meant to haul the trailer on the big trip that you decided not to take. Is it time to sell that vehicle? Especially if you sell the trailer, the truck might not be what is needed. If you live in the trailer in a permanent spot, you probably wouldn't need a truck to haul it.

[Scanner]

DebtManWalking,

Thanks for making me realize what an absolute idiot I was to post my position and feelings here, it's nice to see how quickly they are picked apart and dissected by a totally unqualified individual.

And who is qualified?

A financial advisor from American Express? You won't get any help there. You'll get a list of mutual funds to buy from them at 5% commission.

A debt counseling service may be more qualified than any of us, I'll admit that. You'll get an attractive woman on the phone to nod up and down to your "position", kinda like the commercials.

I am not sure what you want here.

You want validation?

Third, I do realize the errors that I have made, but it's not like I am God and have all the answers, hence, why I came here seeking financial advice, not marital advice or opinions.

No one said you were God.

But yes, I am talking to you man to man here.

Financial and marital problems are part and parcel to each other. You did post that your wife this and your wife that, as if you had nothing to do everything. . .and now you have financial problems.

Money is the #1 cause of marital strife.

You want some kind of "number answer" to your dilemma and it's not the answer.

I say to get to the cause of your financial problems, you are going to have to get to the cause of your marital problems.

That's the weird "spiritual" thing about money - it's often a reflection of something else and something else is definitely at work here.

Fourth, I have no intention on leaving my wife or kid's, I think that seriously became your big bone of contention Scanner and you quickly lost reasoning with my post, and that is why I pulled it down, you took it upon yourself to try and disassemble my life and tell me how to live it, etc. You had the nerve to question my "extravagent" lifestyle without first asking questions to try and determine "what got us here"! I was not here asking for you're opinions on my lifestyle or life, it was a financial question.

That's right I had the nerve.

I have no clue how some people arrive at where they decide. I am endless fascinated how someone can go through bankruptcy, and then somehow end up with a $367,000 mortgage (when they have kids). I am fascinated not only from a human behavior standpoint but at a capitalistic system that somehow enables it.

So, beleive it or not, I don't entirely blame you. I blame the bankers/creditors as well who take people savings money and loan it out.

I'm sorry if that stings but you know. . .re-arranging debts, liquidating assets, re-financing, being more frugal - they are only symptomatic fixes of a problem more bigger.

Until you correct the dysfunctional behavior (and yes, I guess that's a criticism), no amount of financial advice will be enough. And I know it's not just you. . .your wife is somehow contributing to this and even catalyzing it.

I am almost positive you did write, "I am thinking of leaving my wife."

If I read wrong and over-extrapolated that, I apologize.

Of course, we don't have the original post, now do we?

I'll be more diligent about quoting the poster when I address a point. I kind of try to avoid the "cut and paste" style of discussion but maybe that's what needs to be done.

Listen, I re-read what I wrote above - I was a little tough, but I don't think I was rude beyond doubt to you. Unless I got what you wrote wrong, I don't see where I owe you any retraction or apology yet.

As Rod Tidwell says to Jerry Maguire standing naked in the shower in the famous movie:

"Jerry! That's the difference between you and me. . .you think we are fighting when I think we are just starting to talk."

I'm trying to sho' you the money, bro!

[Broken Arrow]

I am almost positive you did write, "I am thinking of leaving my wife."

If I read wrong and over-extrapolated that, I apologize.

Of course, we don't have the original post, now do we?

I am almost positive that I saw that too.

But yes, that's the problem. Because the original post was deleted, no one can say for certain.

[parafly]

Scanner, I can't read the original post at this point, but your first response seems reasonable to me.

To the original poster, this is an internet forum and you have to expect mild criticism at times. If you can't take the punches, then don't get in the ring.

[maat55]

I think the orig. poster is being to touchy feely about his situation. Sometimes getting good advice is like getting a boot in the butt. He needs to realize that people can hear things he doesn't know he is saying. I hope like everyone else here that he finds his way out of this mess, but he is going to get dirty on the way out.