Make financial sacrifices

**Broken Arrow** · 07-23-2007, 06:46 PM

Hmm. Why does that sound so familiar?

My initial reaction is to have a heart-to-heart talk with her and show her what the budget looks like. You know, what your take home is, where all the money goes, and what you can and can not afford. Anything beyond that... well, the both of you (not just her) will either have to live without it or find some other way to afford it. Perhaps she can find a part time somewhere that is not physically demanding?

Whatever it is, I recommend to stick to the budget no matter what. After all, if that's all you can afford, then that's all you can afford.

On the other hand, I am divorced, so you can see how well my suggestion may go.

Intriguing alias by the way.

**frogman** · 07-24-2007, 03:53 AM

RE:Make financial sacrifices Reply to Thread

Thank you Broken Arrow,
Your absolutely right I need to sit down with the figures in hand and we need to talk about where we stand, our goals and what is standing in the way. The hard part is that some of the expenses I want to get rid of are the only things that give her daily enjoyment because of her disability. Were not sure if she is ever going to be able to walk again let alone work but perhaps that is all the more reason to get a budget in order that we can stick to.
-Frogman

**Gabelma** · 07-24-2007, 05:39 AM

This is just a suggeston but maybe she could look at something she could use to make her disability easier to bear - maybe a special type of shower, some group to visit, electric wheelchair and you can use some of the money you save towards getting her some independence back there are ways and means to do that.

Charley

**boefixepa** · 07-24-2007, 06:40 AM

Also, another question I have. If she was injured at work she should have received workers comp right? Also is she now on disability? I think there are some emotional issues that probably have more to do with her state of mind which also need to be addressed. If you approach her in a 'parental' way...you are doing something wrong and so I am going to xyz....then you are never going to get her on board. You are a partnership, and must solve this problem together, or you will drive the wedge between you deeper and make the problem worse.

If she does have some source of income, disability at the least. Divide up the bills that she is able to pay and then put her in charge of them. If she can't manage her money to pay them, then she can't complain to you went they are disconnected.

Also, show some compassion to her. Yes, take the first step even if you are not getting it in return. She's home bound, and chair bound from the sounds of it. What do you expect her to do without TV and internet all day? Try and see if there is something else, maybe a new hobby, that she could persue. Reading, but you can only do that for so long, or mayby sewing, but you'd still have to by the supplies. Realize that she just can't stare at the wall all day.

Maybe she can put that internet to work for her. I know one stay at home women who sits and types up doctors recorded messages all day. If she can type, maybe she could get the training to do that.

Whatever you do approach it carefully, your wife is struggling with more than just money issues, I promise.

**anonymous_saver** · 07-24-2007, 06:51 AM

I think there may be room for a comprimise. Maybe dial up internet at like $15 a month, and regular cable for like $40 a month? Or maybe if it's really tight, she could choose one or the other.

Get rid of cell phones if you have a land line (or get rid of the land line). This will be an "easy" way of freeing up money. Since your wife is always home, I'm guessing a land line would be better suited for your needs. Can she still get ahold of you at work if you don't have a cell phone?

Also, I would suggest that you try to sell old things on ebay or amazon.com (I recently sold textbooks from undergrad and grad school and I got $356 already!). If you do something like this, you could use that to give her dial up internet for the year or two! This would at least be a temporary fix until the next pay raise? It's also something she could participate in and maybe feel a bit more useful to the household!

Good luck!!!

SIDE NOTE:
By the way if you buy cable internet, you can use a splitter with two connections... connect it to your TV, and voila you have cable TV (not always all the channels, but a few of them). Disclaimer: To anyone that works at the cable companies, I of course would NEVER do this.

**scfr** · 07-24-2007, 09:17 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds like you and your wife definitely have some challenges ahead of you.

The most important thing is that the 2 of you communicate and work together as a team.

I'd strongly recommend involving your wife in the decision-making process. For example, instead of saying "We need to cut out this and that" you could say "I've been running the numbers ... This is what they are ... We need to cut $xxx per month from our budget in order to meet goals x, y, and z ... What do you suggest that we cut?"

Find a way of making decisions that BOTH of you can live with.

My husband & I have been married over 14 years and have never had a fight about money. That is not to say that we agree about everything. We definitely do not! We often enter a discussion not agreeing, but we always figure out a way to come to an agreement. If it's a serious matter (such as how much we should spend on a house), we may discuss for days or weeks or even months; I'll go off and make lists, and he'll go off and hit balls at the driving range and think things over, and then we'll get back together and discuss, negotiate, and compromise. If it's a simple matter (such as "go out to dinner or cook at home"), we may just play rock-paper-scissors which I know sounds really silly but it's a fun and easy way to resolve the less important decisions without making a big deal out of it, and heck, it works for us.

Also, you may want to not try to take on all of your financial goals at once, but start with one or two (such as getting out of debt and rebuilding your credit), whichever you decide are most important to you.

That's the "big picture" part of my advice. And here are some little, specific suggestions:

- Bundling: Have you looked in to whether you could save some money by bundling your services (cable, internet, cell)?

- Wife Income: It sounds like your wife enjoys the internet. Could she use that some way to make a bit of money? For example, lots of us on this site do Pinecone surveys; I do and only get about $10 a month from it, but every little bit helps. Here is a link that a blooger posted about working from home opportunities: Jobs
Maybe something there would strike your wife's fancy?

Please keep us posted on how things go!

P.S. - If you and your wife like to read, you may want to check out the book "Smart Couples Finish Rich" from your library.

**Ima saver** · 07-24-2007, 09:28 AM

I do nfomy survey surveys and earn about $10 a month from that. I handle the money in my family and give my husband an allowance. It has worked for us for 30 years, but we have no money disagreements.

**Scanner** · 07-24-2007, 10:15 AM

Working with patients who are at least temporary disabled (usually) and some that are permanently disabled, I have to say depression and disability/impairment are almost mutually inclusive.

Occasionally, I see a pt. who is able to take his disability in stride and not become depressed but that is maybe 1 out of 500 people.

Your spouse needs to find a way to become semi-productive so she can give up the internet, cable, and break through her rut. I thought the advice of medical transcription was a good one; I'm sure there others.

Make financial sacrifices