Spousal Reimbursement?

[geomatster]

serious issue

Was just looking at the discussion...you need to be clear on the entire context of 'reimbursement' and 'receipts'...I agree that partners are supposed to work and spend like a team and probably at times confide into each other on each others spending pattern(not by demand though!) such that some one can see if there is overspending and if the savings are getting affected.

I too stress on reimbursement when the amount is taken out of 'savings' and reimbursement may not necessarily be from the one who took it!

[Aleta]

In this case it has been said that the other person doesn't have a budget. Like the above poster said; no one knows the whole story. I think that when you have an issue like this it is best to have a budget and have both parties accountable for a while. It doesn't seem like to me that the guy is really looking at how he is spending the money. In the beginning, the only way is for both parties to keep tabs and receipts on their individual spending and then come together. It might be that they need to increase spending in areas not already covered and it will definitely show each how they are spending the funds. If both parties can do this together that is even better. Sometimes, you'll have one that wants nothing to do with budgeting or tracking of their expenses. You can't do anything about that. The person with the best financial head and the more financially responsible one should take care of the finances.

When I was a young wife, I ended up doing the finances because bills weren't getting paid on time. I watched some of my female friends take on this task and I did too. I never knew that I would be the one who would end up doing the finances but it comes easy to me.

[FrugalIII]

Well, I don't ask for receipts because we don't pool our money. We tried that at first but my wife always spent more than she should have and the bill money would be gone before the bills were paid. So we had to separate our finances out of survival. Now other than what she puts in toward bills, her paycheck is hers. She doesn't save a penny. I save quite a lot. If it weren't for me we'd have 0 dollars in the bank. If you can trust your spouse to be responsible, that's great. I can't. There is no agreeing on spending, because she doesn't believe in consulting or compromising. She just spends. She's constantly broke and crying about not having enough money for her "needs" but at the same time only has to contribute about 30% of her take home to the bills, the rest is hers and she makes about 50k a year. I wish I had a financially responsible spouse.

[Gruntina]

What would you do if your spouse asked for reciepts for everything to reimburse you?

The question you ask is not really clear on who is doing the reimbursing and who's money is being used.

However, I do see your concern and before taking concern into actions, you might want to ask what the motivation behind this.

With experiences from reading on this site and have taken a 60 hour certification in Domestic Violence, money issues can be a red flag for violence but most of the time its to get finance under control with two people who grew up with different perspective of how to spend and save and frustration can stem from communications when two people are not eye to eye on everything.

Red flag for control or domestic violence to me would mean something like of an example where a spouse demands to use the other spouse money and end up putting him or her in debts. (This often make the person feel they can not leave their partner because they have no means of paying off direct credit card debts).

It can be in the opposite way where the spouse have to show receipts for every purchase to track where she been and what she bought to keep a reign on him/her. All in all, motivation to control is often hidden in disguise and hard to detect.

The real problem would be the empowerment of a person to be able to take care of themselves financially and emotionally in any circumstance and if you feel a concern there then the best way is to give words of wisdom how one can empower themselves. Getting physically involved can mean putting more danger in a situation as anyone in a domestic violence situation knows their attacker the best. When one is being under some sort of control, it is too easy to give in as a mean of survival to cope through the day and get caught up into it.

In a world that is often upside down, it really gets tough seeing and understanding the underlying motives and what really is going on at home of some couples. My prayers are out for the best when I see concerns.

I am a lucky survivor of such grim situations and this was just my 2 cents.

[fairy74]

I agree that his behavior maybe controlling, however there may be another side to this if he is requesting receipts because the wife had committed financial infeditility in the past (there are a lot of spouses out there who have secret credit cards/debts,etc...) in that case I think his behavior is much like a spouse that got physically cheated on and demands proof of everything...is it understandable, sure, healthy long term, probably not, but until you know the whole story hard to judge. DH and I use a common pool of money, no receipts required....