Stay at home parent?

[cashqueen]

Re: Stay at home parent?

I would love to stay home but I bring in 65% of the income and we rely on my benefits. DH is not interested in stay at home and he loves his job. The only way we could make it work is to sell our house and move. DH is not willing to make the necessary sacrifices so I continue going to work. I find that (just in MY experience) there are more SAHM that are judgmental about women who work than there are about working mothers toward SAHM.

As I said, I would LOVE to SAH but it is just not an option for me. Everybody just has to do what is right for them and their family and not pass judgment on other people's decisions.

Having said that, Princess' comments did come off a bit snarky (I'm sure it wasn't intentional) and made me bristle. Sometimes it's hard to detect the true tone of written words.

[Scanner]

Re: Stay at home parent?

I think there is a compromise here that our family has done.

Our kids have always gone to part-time daycare, averaging maybe 15-20 hours/week between our two schedules (some years more, some years less as my schedule has been flexible - now, the little one is down to about 12 hours/week)

I think we get the best of both worlds really and I know in America, there is a conjured vision of daycare as being a place where kids are lonely and forgotten - nothing could be farther from the truth.

Our sons developed relationships there with other adults, learned to socialize, developed academically, and maybe most of all, got to blow off some steam with other kids in free-play. Overall, it's been a positive experience for them.

Frankly, I think daycare is much superior to "Daddy Day." LOL.

I understand both sides of the issue on this - the SAHM's and the Working Moms. Research has shown that neither group conveys a disadvantage or advantage.

The only disadvantage I could maybe see to daycare, having used it, are the infections - my kids were sick a lot more then average probably, nothing serious, maybe their immune system got a charge from all the colds and stuff.

All in all, no regrets.

[fairy74]

Re: Stay at home parent?

I am working woman, and I don't think I could ever be a full-time SAHM, I love the idea of being with kids a full-day, but do not really think I have the patience for it. I get refreshed by the intellectual challenge of my work. Working part-time may be a solution for me. Everyone is different. In defense of Princess Perky, I do not think her comments were at all out of line. she feels very passionately about her decision and I do think there are a lot of career women who do look down on SAHM. Maybe not people on this site, but society in general (I think many times this is fueled by jealousy). Everyone's family is different and what works for one does not work for others. This doesn't make the love or commitment any less.

[JanH]

Re: Stay at home parent?

It's funny how the society pendulum swings back and forth...when I chose to stay at home in the 80's I actually had people tell me I was wasting my brains! I overheard my MIL have to defend my choice at a funeral! I couldn't believe society was condemning me for staying at home. Nowadays, I think it is more balanced. I would hope that each side gives props to the other. I personally would stay at home again. But it can be isolating and lonely for adults. Depends on your circumstances, family and friends with kids nearby. If the post is more about the financial cost, we had to do with less in order for me to stay at home. We had a lot of flack about that, too. We couldn't buy a house and other things others had. It was our choice. I guess I got mostly fed up with people criticizing my right to choose and not appreciating that I had made a choice good for ME. I got defensive a couple of times and thought that kids shouldn't be in daycare. But I know a lot of kids who did very well in daycare. Sometimes, it is about finances, sometimes personal happiness, sometimes other reasons. I try not to take sides anymore. I just want the kids to be taken care of and loved.

[tinapbeana]

Re: Stay at home parent?

I just want the kids to be taken care of and loved.

here here!

what ever course of action leads to the above result, that is the one that is right for your family.

[tabbycat31]

Re: Stay at home parent?

Princess I did not mean to attack you, I just think we have vastly different personalities. I think that if I had to go on that "wife swap" tv show (where you trade places wtih your polar opposite), you'd probably be the type that I'd trade wtih.

My expreinces with SAHMs IRL have been mostly negative due to what I had to put up with at work and with my neighbor. I also worked retail for years where our customer base was SAHMs with filthy rich husbands (think of a popular TV show, and that's what everyone at the store called them). Most of these women were some of the rudest women I have ever met. They felt that their time was more valuable than anyone else's, and their behavior in the store was almost barbaric. (it was not just them though....... if you ever people watch at WalMart, you see very similar behavior in everyone....... although my theory is Walmart brings out the worst in people). Opening a new register when several of them were in line was like waving a steak in front of a pack of dogs. However many people misbehave at stores. And I was also talked down to by them, called uneducated (I was working my way through college), etc.

I would have been suicidal if I was alive in the 50s, where most women did stay home. I know that I could not last 5 minutes as a SAHM, but that's my personality type. I have always shunned traditional gender roles to the point where I will NOT be changing my name should I get married. I'd also have cabin fever in about a minute. My housekeeping skills can best be described as "lack thereof"

I was also raised by two working parents. They found their ways to balance family and work. Being that working worked in my own family growing up, I don't see why it could be any different. My mother is incredibly successful and makes a very good salary. I think taht if she had given up all those years of work, she wouldnt be where she is financially. There was one year that she did nto work, and I grew more distant from her due to that. I was 13 by that point and wanted my independence.