Your Thoughts on Our Situation

[Duchesse]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

I think a little tolerance could go a long way.


I also started a thread in which some of the posts were condescending. I thanked all of those who gave me advice, I learned from all the posts but, we do have to know how to talk to one another. Some of us have more money management experience than others. Although it may be frustrating at times the key here is tolerance.

[tinapbeana]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

kobe008, i think there was some confusion b/c people thought that you were making a $500/month car payment, as opposed to paying $500 per month to a fmaily member on a personal loan that was originally made to buy your car.

it may not seem like a big difference, but it's a matter of 'wiggle room' so to speak. a $500/month car payment is big and likely doens't offer any chance of being lowered. a $500/month payment on a personal loan to a family member likely does offer the chance of having the monthly payment lowered if circumstances dictate.

i'm in a similar situation myself, paying a certain amount per month to my inlaws for some of DH's bills they covered before we were married. i pay (and budget) more than the actual payment each month, but if things get tight i can lower the payment to the minimum, or talk to them to work out something even more flexible if i really truly needed to.

with that said, i've never done so b/c i just want to get the stupid thing paid off. pretty close to how you feel about your personal loan, from what i can see

[jodi]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

I'll say a few words about the cooking, since that is where you are struggling. Do you have a crockpot? It is so much easier to throw things together the night before and let it cook all day than to spend an hour making dinner when you get home from work.
Other timesavers: cooked meats in the freezer (i.e. chicken for casseoles, ground beef for chili or tacos, etc.), baking in bulk and freezing (i.e. muffins for a quick breakfast, a loaf of banana bread for dinner). I have started to freeze a little bit of everything I make for a later meal. Also I find it incredibly helpful to have a good recipe site. I use recipezaar.com. Whenever I have something to use up, I do a search for that particular ingredient (this falls under the "leftover management" category). Throwing food away is the same as throwing money away.
Have a "quick recipes" file of things you can make in 20 minutes so you will be less tempted to stop for something on the way home. Examples: kielbasa and potatoes, pancakes (from scratch, of course!), chicken and noodles (chicken, egg noodles, and peas with a milk/Parmesan cheese sauce), or just sandwiches.

One thing that I don't think was mentioned yet - have you checked your insurance rates lately? I managed to save a small amount off mine last year by shopping around and raising my deductibles on my older car. Good luck - we're hoping you keep checking in.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

YEah on lowered phone!

And Ill ditto internet need , we never did have cable TV, but once I had internet there was no going back! To help transition out of TV if you need to, try going a week, you might find you sepnd more time talking, and or watching movies...also look into family wiht large movie collections, free entertainment ...just be careful after the new one arrives, you don't want that entertainment to turn into another little one too soon!

Food, I have three meals that take practically no work and no time...
1.ramen noodles with veggie nuked on the side (use half the flavor to reduce sodium, add cyan pepper for flavor)
2. nuked potato with veggie on the side topped with cheese (and bacon if you got it)
3. aldis macN cheese with veggie nuked (39cents a box)

Also Quesadillas (really easy), or salad (precut is cheaper than eating out) topped with chopped steakums (chop after cooking) or other leftover meat.

Eggs, or any breakfast, who said breakfast was for AM? (and who on earth is awake enough in the am to cook it then anyway?)

And practice makes perfect...or at least cheaper..the more you cook the more you can come up witha quick meal on the fly.

[lrjohnson]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

It seems like the divorce annulment is defintely out the window, but just in case....

It won't help in getting aid. I work in public assistance. We look at all parents of an aided child who are in the home. In some states some two parent families can't get cash aid at all (no "deprived" child); in California we aid two parent families, but the income of all parents of aided children counts, regardless of marital status. In Food Stamps, you will all be counted as in the same household-unmarrried parternes can claim they they purchase and prepare (P&)separately, however parents can't P&P separately from their child, therefore parents are linked and in the same household.

In cash aid, if a parent claims to be outside the home, child support is aggresively pursued by the State.

In California, there are some Medi-Cal (Medicaid) rules that can have the effect of disadvantaging married versus unmarried persons; however it doesn't seem like medical assistance is what you are worried about, and the rules don't hurt all married couples.

If you post more budget details, we can help in other ways.

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Forget the annulment,forget the divorce. That's not the answer to your problems. See if your parents can accept a lower payment per month. Maybe a second job to supplement your income?

[Scanner]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Alright you knuckleheads - we don't know enough to advise this poor guy. You don't even know the terms of the $500/month loan. Maybe it was a $500/month for 12 months, no interest for a $6000 used mini van or something. Often personal loans are structured with a shorter payback time, since there's no interest.

I think you guys are automatically thinking he's leasing a zero down Lexus.

And $1000/month - is that mortgage or mortgage + escrowed taxes?

A lot we don't know.

[Scanner]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

As far as public assistance, one thing I qualified for when I graduated chiro. school was NJ Family Care - health insurance for the kids. We were pennilenss, up to our ears in student debt, and I had no job/income. We had a visit to the ER and a couple of sicknesses that were fully covered. Most states have these plans. I didn't know. . .I would have qualified for WIC too but didn't take advantage of that.

I was glad it was there for my family and as "penance" for using public aid, I participated as a Medicare provider at a reimbursement of $6/visit for the next 8 years. (which I know many of you don't realize. . .I lose money at that reimbursement).

But I noticed the guidelines for qualifying are fairly lenient for insuring kids (I think up to 50K/year you can make as a family) and still get a basic plan.

But let me comment on the public assistance thing - I know what you are thinking but here's the trap of public assistance - I think most people, once on, have a hard time getting out. Rather than a "safety net", it becomes a way of life.

What becomes a "net" from falling to the bottom, becomes a "net of ensnarement."

I see it with a woman in my practice - she's on SSI and Medicare and Medicaid and could get a job but gollly gee. . .if I get a job. ..then I lose my SSI and Medicare.

Some of it is really a legitimate "trap" - she doesn't want to lose her health insurance. ..some of it, it seems self-imposed. . .you just want her to break out from the situation she is in.

Good luck to you - this group can be helpful. Once you get your budget in, you may find creative ways here to trim, but most of all, maybe getting your income up as a family too.

[cicy33]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Alright you knuckleheads - we don't know enough to advise this poor guy. You don't even know the terms of the $500/month loan. Maybe it was a $500/month for 12 months, no interest for a $6000 used mini van or something. Often personal loans are structured with a shorter payback time, since there's no interest.

I think you guys are automatically thinking he's leasing a zero down Lexus.

And $1000/month - is that mortgage or mortgage + escrowed taxes?

A lot we don't know.

Actually, I believe that we have already discovered it was a loan from family. and he was working on a way to possibly lower it. No offense but before you go calling people names, perhaps one should read the posts. and I believe also several times we have mentioned that we really need more info but we did try to offer suggestions to help lower cost.

[jIM_Ohio]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

First of all I'm a new member here who has been lurking for a while. Would like to get some advice about my families situation. We are in the same situation as others where we live paycheck to paycheck. It is rare when our Overdraft Protection does not kick in a few days or a week before we get paid. We currently have one kid and another is due in April. Here is where the problem comes in and it has to do with daycare. We are paying $95 a week and when we have the 2nd kid it will double to $190 per week. How are people affording this? We dont have many bills except a $1000 house payment and a $500 vehicle payment. I've worked hard to get rid of any other debt. We do have a $3000 credit card balance but that will be paid off with our tax return this year.

Ok now you know the situation let me describe our background. I have a pretty good job one that puts us just barely out of reach of any kind of assistance. It makes me sick that year after year I pay my taxes and the money is given to others in the form of food stamps, WIC, Medicare, etc. Our first child was premature and was in a hospital 3 hours from where we live for a month. My wife was out of work at the time which was nice and she stayed there for the entire month and I traveled there on weekends so I could work during the week. She was able to stay in a Ronald Mcdonald house but at a rate of $15 a day and at the end we had to pay $400. Luckily my insurance is pretty good but we didnt qualify for any other kind of assistance. We payed around $3000 out of pocket to the hospital with my insurance getting the rest.

We made it ok with the first kid, now the 2nd is coming and I just dont see how we can make it without any assistance. We are guilty and being punished for 'doing things the right way.' We met, dated, got engaged, got married, then bought a house and then had kids. It makes me wanna puke that we would be so much better off if we had bought a house and had kids BEFORE we were married. What we are seriously considering, and I dont know if it's even legal or not and is the reason for this post, is getting our marriage annuled so my wife will be able to qualify for all this assistance that WE'VE been paying to others for years. We still want to live the same we do now except not be married in the court's eyes. With the system only counting her income we will qualify for daycare assistance, which is mainly what we want, as well as other stuff too.

Now most of you are thinking we need to cut back in order to save money. Well there isnt really much we can cut back besides eating out less. We rarely go out on the town and we rarely travel because of gas prices. I think our house payment is too much, but we have scoured this town and anything less than what we paid for our house is gonna be a fixer-upper and in the long run will be more expensive. The vehicle payment could go down a bit since my parents were gracious enough to give us an interest free loan. I'd rather not drag that out too long though as we have a year and half before its paid off. Does anyone have any comments on the annulment thing and whether it has been done before or if its even legal or any other advice you may have?

some simple ideas:

if you get 3k back from tax return, adjust withholdings so you get $250 extra in take home pay each month.

when you pay off the vehicle, bank some of that money ($300/mo) to create a savings buffer. Next you need a car, use this avings buffer to pay cash and avoid the finance charges.

refinance the house. At minimum it would lower the payment and open up free cash flow. DO NOT take any cash out. Just refiance to get a 5.875% rate (or lower). If your rate is less than that, do not consider this as an option.

The look for ways to save- stop eating out, limit groceries... and I'm sure others here can provide more details.

[jIM_Ohio]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

absolute in agreement on all points. cable and internet for me is a luxurious necessity. I don't plan around tv but when I am home and want to watch something I want something on to watch. but we don't rent movies, or go to the movies (can you say waaaay to expensive!) so that is pretty much my only entertainment. cell phone is the same, we don't have a land line so we need our cell phones. But also like said, we need more info in order to help. Also, turning off lights and keeping tv's off would help. Just by staying up on the lights and stuff I dropped our light bill over $25 per month. Terrible waste of electricity.

This raises a good point.

The only reason we have a landline is because we have internet through the phone comapny and the security system uses the phone line to connect to guardian.

Between houses we lived in an apartment for 4 months and never connected a phone. It is possible to live without phone line. Cell phones work great (if you get reception).

We have no landline long distance carrier.

[Scanner]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Cicy,

Sorry, it's just that when my sons are engaged in a chaotic discussion, I call them knuckleheads too to settle them down.

It's a term of endearment.

[cicy33]

Re: Your Thoughts on Our Situation

Scanner,
I understand. I really wish he would offer more info. But I appreciate you clarifying.

I really do think that the divorce thing was just his way of releasing some stress, you know, by saying the most drastic thing he could. I know that I have said some things when stressed out that I certainly didn't intend upon following through. I also can understand his frustration at the fact that some people who obviously mistreat the system get help they don't really need and yet there are people who could truly use a little help are told, I am so sorry but you make $5 too much to qualify for assistance. I don't think that he is resentful of poor people just the system.