Help Needed

[liveandchi]

Re: Help Needed

Terry, Thank you for asking. We're still working on it. That is being generous. He really doesn't seem to care much and wants me to do everything. He will only do things that don't inconvenience hime which is basically nothing. I'm still working on it. It's tough. he knows there is a problem, but doesn't want to face it. Sometimes I just want to throw up my hands and give up.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Don't do that! he might supprise you one day. I have heard that when one person does all sorts little things, without complaining, and hopefully has fun doing t (a least a litle) then the other will join in. I know I didn't ask my husband to give up pop, he just did. He saw me working to improve the grocery budget and started making iced tea more.

There are lots of little things that you can do and just by mentioning successes to him maybe he'll catch the bug.

[liveandchi]

Re: Help Needed

I think your DH has a much thinner skull than mine - lol. Since nothing else seems to be working it might be worth a try. I don't know how I will make this budgeting fun. I don't think faking it will do either. He already knows it is not fun for me.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Edited cause theres no kids, so you don't need the kid stuff.

Well Fun is a relative term. I didn't mean great or anything, I didn't read the whole thread but I will try later, for now what makes it fun for me?

Lets see for me the most fun is in food, I like finding out that some cheap foods are good. and adding a cool name makes black bean soup much better! (B cubed = Black Beans N Bacon ). I also stopped looking at cooking as a chore and turned it into a blessing. Or try to anyway. If your husband doesn't think it's funny email me I wil laugh with you .

Seeing a credit card bill go down, or at least not up cheers me up too. It is a sight worthy of celebration. So is it going up less than last month, gotta celebrate (free celebrate! a night under cover is free last I checked , so is emailing everyone and anyone if you are already online or go to the library.)

A night out could be a cool night in with air popped popcorn and a favorite movie, preferable ending up in the bedroom No man can resist skipping an expensive treat for a night in with the wife. (just take a nap earlier so you have the energy to make it worth his while). (That has to be any redblooded, hetero, Husbands greatest reward!)

Also mentoning some things that you are not willing to do might get a laugh, like the belly butten lint from the Story thread here. I don't have any but if I did I wouldn' save it!! Letting him know you arn't going to go all extreame all at once might help. (just define extream for him - he might think skipping pop is extreame)


The number one thing I can say for convincing people to come on board is "Avoid myrterdom and nagging". they both tend to backfire.
(Now if only I could listen to my own advice when trying to get my Son to clean his room.)

The second advice I would have is to stop looking at it as suffering, people in Cuba think we are all spoiled. Ok so it is corny sounding to thank God for blankets and food on the table, but hey lots of people don't have those 'luxuries' We in America are blessed and spoiled. (now if I go back and read the post and find your from Cuba I am really gonna feel bad!)

Ok one last thng, if you are buying stuff because you can't find stuff, or arn't happy with the stuff you have, try cleaning out stuff. You can sell it or give it away, but whatever, a clean clutter free house is easier to keep up and less likely to make you want to go buy anything. (I use www.flylady.net encouragment to declutter, but pick your own favorite decluttering method)

Seeing has how for the longest time I didn't want to face my credit problem I have to understand where your DH is comming from, not that it is good, just understandable. Sorry this is so long, hope it is helpful not annoying.

[liveandchi]

Re: Help Needed

Thank you for your post. It made me smile and I'm in a much better mood today because of it.

I do need to celebrate the little things more and not only with myself. I'll try to post them here a little more in the future. I think sharing them would make the reward of having accomplished them stronger.

I will try to approach it from another side and see if he gets the hint. I still think my DH has a much thicker skull than yours when it comes to money, but here's to hoping I'm wrong. I do nag more than I should and I will watch myself on that. Or try to.

And today is another day we have not had to file bankruptcy or incurred any more debts. That is a plus. One day at a time.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Oh good smiling is my goal

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Ok my email says somehting about a no nagging day, but this thread doesn't? Is my email messed up or did you change your mind?

[liveandchi]

Re: Help Needed

I'm not sure what happened. I wrote about it, but when I hit the submit, my computer froze and I though it was lost.

I decided to have a no nag weekend. I'm not going to nag (at least try not to), but I'm going to try and ask for more help. I won't expect the help, but I'll ask and if he does, then it will be a nice surprise. Not only with money stuff. With all kinds of things around the house. Ive been thinking and I think that I try to do too much on my own.

So far the no nag weekend has gone well. I caught myself one time. Please tell me why men throw their dirty socks in the middle of the room like that is the only place they belong? But I didn't nag. I wanted to, but I didn't. I'll see if I can control myself today as well.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Glad to hear the weekend is going well.

I have no idea about the socks, my man used to put his shirt beside the bed at the end of EVERY night. I finally asked him why he put it there, I wont shock you with the reason but he eventually quit, No nagging just asked him why. Now they all hit the hamper. The socks are hanging on a hook in the closet, and I know why, Its cause I have a bad habit of not making sure there are clean socks and he wants to have a reserve that has only been worn once, not thrown in the hamper! (getting better at that, really I am)

I also had a time where he thought he was helping and it wasn't enough (in fact he phrase "it's never enough" is a running joke around here) Anyway, he prolly thinks he does more than you think he does. Not saying he's right just that he prolly thiks it. I doubt he is slacking on purpose.

[liveandchi]

Re: Help Needed

I have a hard time when he tries to help, but makes things so that I have to work harder. I don't know if it is me or what. I ask him to do the clothes and they will all come out pink. I ask him to clean the windows and I have to redo them all because of streaks. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist.

I did go the weekend without nagging I think. I have caught myself a few times, but I must have done some that I didn't notice. I'm trying.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Congrats on a no nag weekend!

Yes you prolly are a perfectionist. I am! I didn't know it untill flylady mentioned it, but the more I look at what I do and the more I catch myself redoing my kids and husbands work I realize I am a perfectionist.

About the laundry I made my man a laundry chart on the computer, has load type and water temperature on it and all. I also sorted all the launry first, just left him the job of washing it. Now he actually can sort the laundry after a lot of practice. The chart is taped to the wall behind the washing machine so it is easy to check. I will look for it if you want it, but it is customized to my kinds of laundry (got black sheets?)

On the windows, All I can say is yep perfectionism, but I don't blame you one bit! (try to sneak the redos in so he doesn't notice!)

[crosses]

Re: Help Needed

Keep up the good work as you go for your goals. Being a perfectionist can make parts of saving difficult, but can also be an asset in other areas. Keep up the great work. If you can handle no nagging, you'll have your finances in shape in no time!

[liveandchi]

Re: Help Needed

I'm having a rough week with Xmas coming up soon. I know that we need to keep spending down to a bare minimum, but I'm really jealous of all the things I see other people buying. I don't blame my DH because I know he works really hard, but sometimes I wish he made more money. It's all very frustrating.

[PrincessPerky]

Re: Help Needed

Don't we all wish our DH's made more money! or us, whatever, more money seems like the answer doesn't it?

The only way I have mnaged to be less jealous myself is to
A. not see other people getting things, avoiding malls and such, and
B. Read up on what real poverty is.

contntment robbers and this one is a bit political but it does describe some troubles for a cuban. there are plenty of examples of true poverty closer to home, but I find it is hard not to sink into guilt if I look too close to home.

[terry1156]

Re: Help Needed

I'm having a rough week with Xmas coming up soon. I know that we need to keep spending down to a bare minimum, but I'm really jealous of all the things I see other people buying. I don't blame my DH because I know he works really hard, but sometimes I wish he made more money. It's all very frustrating.

This is a difficult trap to get out of. The thought that more money would solve problems. While it can solve some aspects, it doesn't change the fundementals that need to be achieved to be happy.

Getting out of debt is very frustrating and takes a lot of energy. But it does pay off in the end. I know it isn't easy, but try focusing on all the good things that you do have. Your DH. Your family. You health. In the end, they're the important things.